I have written a first short text, can you tell me what you think? (1 Viewer)

[Willow]

i'm so sorry pal, idk what to add bcs i really bad at writing

I am not good either haha

 

[Tickita]

It would be how it starts :))

Ah ok. So in the 1st sentence where it says "studying there," you could say the name of the school she's studying at instead

 

[Willow]

Ah ok. So in the 1st sentence where it says "studying there," you could say the name of the school she's studying at instead

I will look for universities in Dublin then

 

[Willow]

@Cupid @Vikki

 

[SugarPoppinBSI]

A good start not gonna lie!

Makes you wonder how she will deal with the next situation.

 

[Willow]

A good start not gonna lie!

Makes you wonder how she will deal with the next situation.

Thank you!!!

 

[SugarPoppinBSI]

Thank you!!!

Yeess~! thanks for tagging me~

 

[Willow]

Yeess~! thanks for tagging me~

I have a short summary as well

 

[SugarPoppinBSI]

I have a short summary as well

oh?

 

[Willow]

oh?

Yeah

 

[seungfloral]

I did yesterday

The whole story?

 

[Willow]

The whole story?

A summary not the whole story

 

[seungfloral]

A summary not the whole story

Well THATS WHAT I WAS ASKING
Will u publish it somewhere

 

[Willow]

Well THATS WHAT I WAS ASKING
Will u publish it somewhere

I will

 

[seungfloral]

I will

I recommend ao3

 

[Ahsoka]

I like it so far. I agree about the finding a university (or making up one) for the beginning part rather than saying studying there. Other than that I’m not sure what I would add. Maybe if you want to extend it you can make one of the scenes played out through her eyes rather than described? For example write the scene with her and the mom. But I think it’s also fine as is if you want to keep it that way

 

[uran]

I wanna slap her and i love it. It is making me feel things and i cant wait to see her get her world turned upside down

 

[Willow]

I like it so far. I agree about the finding a university (or making up one) for the beginning part rather than saying studying there. Other than that I’m not sure what I would add. Maybe if you want to extend it you can make one of the scenes played out through her eyes rather than described? For example write the scene with her and the mom. But I think it’s also fine as is if you want to keep it that way

Should I describe where she is studying? :)) Good idea to put more details in the scene with the mum

 

[Willow]

I wanna slap her and i love it. It is making me feel things and i cant wait to see her get her world turned upside down

ahah thank you, I am proud then

 

[Ahsoka]

Should I describe where she is studying? :)) Good idea to put more details in the scene with the mum

That might be good too, especially if any parts will be really relevant later or if they show what her current environment is now to contrast more with the new world.