Purely hypothetical qestion (1 Viewer)

[Belgizen]

Soooo this is purely hypothetical and not based in reality at all.

So what if one day you are talking with your colleagues about a guy.
You've studied with the guy 9 years ago and you've had a date but you lost his number because your phone crashed and he doesn't have social media.
You basically can't contact him anymore cuz you change schools.
Your colleagues decide to look him up and you find out that he has a work phone and email listed on the website of his company.
Now you wanna reach out.

What would you say to not come across as a creepy stalker?​

 

[centen]

TBH, I don't know that there's a way to pop up a decade later in a dude's work email without coming across as kinda stalker-y.

The only way you could realistically get away with it is by also working at the company, and then it being like "hey, I saw your name in some meeting notes (or other BS) and thought I'd say hi."

 

[Belgizen]

TBH, I don't know that there's a way to pop up a decade later in a dude's work email without coming across as kinda stalker-y.

The only way you could realistically get away with it is by also working at the company, and then it being like "hey, I saw your name in some meeting notes (or other BS) and thought I'd say hi."

tbh yeah

ok but in this hypothetical situation you don't have a diploma in that field and it's a field you need a certain diploma for
there's some things to do around his field of work this weekend and his company only had something today for schools.
I hoped I could play it off like that

 

[centen]

tbh yeah

ok but in this hypothetical situation you don't have a diploma in that field and it's a field you need a certain diploma for
there's some things to do around his field of work this weekend and his company only had something today for schools.
I hoped I could play it off like that

I would probably mentally go "eh, there are good odds this dude sucks now" and write our past off as an amusing anecdote. If he'd wanted to find you before 9 years had passed, he would have.

Hypothetically.

 

[Belgizen]

I would probably mentally go "eh, there are good odds this dude sucks now" and write our past off as an amusing anecdote. If he'd wanted to find you before 9 years had passed, he would have.

Hypothetically.

yeah hypothetically I tried to forget about it. He was a gem of a guy but I feel like he's no way in hell single.
I've been thinking the same thing but my colleagues said to go for it, hypothetically

 

[mysteric]

honestly 9 years is a long time and people change, so I'd write it off as a funny anecdote that you managed to find the cryptid and let it be
a person I was friendly with was a super chill person in a nerdy, inoffensive way, it's been three years and last I heard they were three timing somehow

 

[Belgizen]

honestly 9 years is a long time and people change, so I'd write it off as a funny anecdote that you managed to find the cryptid and let it be
a person I was friendly with was a super chill person in a nerdy, inoffensive way, it's been three years and last I heard they were three timing somehow

so hypothetically what would you write?

 

[centen]

yeah hypothetically I tried to forget about it. He was a gem of a guy but I feel like he's no way in hell single.
I've been thinking the same thing but my colleagues said to go for it, hypothetically

Is it possible your colleagues just want some tea?

 

[Belgizen]

Is it possible your colleagues just want some tea?

My colleagues pity me I think because my life sucks rn and I never had a relationship apart from that one date

 

[centen]

My colleagues pity me I think because my life sucks rn and I never had a relationship apart from that one date

Tbh, if that's sincerely how they view you, then they don't sound like people who are actually trying to help you improve your life. There are other relationships besides romantic ones that can be just as, if not more, important/fulfilling to you personally.

But I'm also of the opinion that my life is awesome and I don't want people in it who aren't at least as enjoyable to be around as just being by myself would be. But I know a lot of people who would rather (and do) put up with some awful circumstances as long as it meant they weren't single, so to each their own.

 

[Belgizen]

Tbh, if that's sincerely how they view you, then they don't sound like people who are actually trying to help you improve your life. There are other relationships besides romantic ones that can be just as, if not more, important/fulfilling to you personally.

But I'm also of the opinion that my life is awesome and I don't want people in it who aren't at least as enjoyable to be around as just being by myself would be. But I know a lot of people who would rather (and do) put up with some awful circumstances as long as it meant they weren't single, so to each their own.

idk if that's how they really view me, but my colleagues do say that I need to get out and date. I am not comfortable with using dating apps and apart from work events, I don't really have social contacts since my mom used to not let me hang out with friends so i was alienated

 

[StirFriedPanda]

Not sure if anyone said this but you only live once. You have a previous connection so its not like you've never met. throw your hook. if he responds great, if not there's 8 billion other people out there.

 

[mysteric]

so hypothetically what would you write?

tbh? nothing
it's in the past, there's always the present and future to look forward to and leave the past behind as a happy memory

 

[Belgizen]

Not sure if anyone said this but you only live once. You have a previous connection so its not like you've never met. throw your hook. if he responds great, if not there's 8 billion other people out there.

Yeah that's basically what my colleagues were saying
idk why but even writing the text is hard

heck even writing this thread was hard for me since i've never been so personal here

 

[Belgizen]

tbh? nothing
it's in the past, there's always the present and future to look forward to and leave the past behind as a happy memory

yeah idk, i feel like i miss that one person in my life

 

[centen]

idk if that's how they really view me, but my colleagues do say that I need to get out and date. I am not comfortable with using dating apps and apart from work events, I don't really have social contacts since my mom used to not let me hang out with friends so i was alienated

My parents were very anti-friend growing up too, and I've had to learn to get over that. What I did, and maybe this will work for you, is find a regular community that appealed to me and made a point to show up every time, even if I didn't feel like it. I met my now best friend through a book club hosted at a local bookstore, and I've made wider circles of friends that started through going to a "learn to play D&D night" where one of the guys said "you're coming back tomorrow, right? and joining our regular game?" And six years later, I have so many friends, I have to schedule them all out.

It's basically proximity + time + shared interests. So maybe see if there's something you're interested in, whether it's joining a cool gym or a dance class or a hiking club or local store's board game nights..., and start there. It can feel super awkward at first, but over time, you'll get a wider support network, especially as your new friends introduce you to their friends. And then it won't matter so much what any one person thinks of you, because you'll have that tangible evidence that a lot of people really do adore you.

Cheers, friend. If you lived near me, I'd totally be your wingman, so accept that I'm with you in spirit!

(And dating apps absolutely suck, so I'm with you on being done with them.)

 

[Belgizen]

My parents were very anti-friend growing up too, and I've had to learn to get over that. What I did, and maybe this will work for you, is find a regular community that appealed to me and made a point to show up every time, even if I didn't feel like it. I met my now best friend through a book club hosted at a local bookstore, and I've made wider circles of friends that started through going to a "learn to play D&D night" where one of the guys said "you're coming back tomorrow, right? and joining our regular game?" And six years later, I have so many friends, I have to schedule them all out.

It's basically proximity + time + shared interests. So maybe see if there's something you're interested in, whether it's joining a cool gym or a dance class or a hiking club or local store's board game nights..., and start there. It can feel super awkward at first, but over time, you'll get a wider support network, especially as your new friends introduce you to their friends. And then it won't matter so much what any one person thinks of you, because you'll have that tangible evidence that a lot of people really do adore you.

Cheers, friend. If you lived near me, I'd totally be your wingman, so accept that I'm with you in spirit!

(And dating apps absolutely suck, so I'm with you on being done with them.)

thank you!
I have been looking into joining some stuff but they're either super far away, right when I'm leaving my job or super expensive.
I'm still looking. I am going to start running soon so maybe i'll join a jogging club when i'm more advanced.

Awwwh I wish you could be my wingman!
Ugh yeah my sister always has her boyfriends from there and she's been in 2 serious relationships from Tinder, but also was with a guy who had a relationship and like 4 side girls and I don't wanna do that

 

[The_LastRomeo]

You never know he might be your one guy y'know, you never know until you try?

 

[mysteric]

yeah idk, i feel like i miss that one person in my life

I mean, in that case go for it, but I wouldn't really hold any expectations out of it? and treat it more like a friendly hey this might sound weird but (insert thing) reminded me of you let's catch up type of thing

 

[Belgizen]

You never know he might be your one guy y'know, you never know until you try?

yeah that's what they say. We do have the same interests which is history and there's not a lot of guys out there who do