I usually joke and say something corny but I don't want to give anyone that personality of me. That's not me. As much as I love making someone laugh. I think it's beautiful I can shed layers of my colors to show what really lies beneath me.
Isolation,a cold,cruel and brutal word,that's straight to the point. When you're forced to be behind walls and for a limited amount of time,forced to occupy your time. How you contain yourself is what you choose to do. Honeslty everynight when I sleep. I feel at peace for once knowing that others are seeing what it's like for someone to be restless and feeling contained. That's how I feel in my skin and I used to hate it. I would draw on my skin until I became the age where I can make the art on my body permanent. But honestly I didn't despise it as I thought. I loved it. I'm a natural introvert and having to spend time with others has made me so happy and I try to make it as entertaining for them as possible. I've fallen in love.
Not in love with a person but I've fallen in love with seeing the morning for once and knowing everyone is fighting. I've fallen in love with seeing the emotions even though someone may dislike them because they feel they're showing so many parts of them. I love that. I love seeing how my friends show so many more beautiful colors and have a form of humanity where they take their boredom and make something that makes them laugh. I got to end a cycle of a friendship that made me reform myself to be who wasn't genuine. This isolation has taught me there's will inside of many just how there is humanity is everyone. Everyone has a color and everyone is a color with a hue and a different shade.
Most probably think this is a boring rant but honeslty this is what I love to do. I love making words. I love looking at things and I love making it have a meaning. I look at my friends and think of them as this beautiful special piece to the world where I don't want them to break more where I can't hold it. This isolation has taught me that for once comfort in your skin can be possible and honeslty maybe it'll be temporarily. I've bled many colors and it won't stop. People made their colors on me and I accept the colors but it just doesn't feel as me.
I hope you find something to smile about today and realize that I'm in a very small home. A home where I keep my secrets from my family. Secrets that would confuse them but it feels difficult to hold within.
Don't need to read it all but I really feel comfortable for once to show you what you see online is not what actually I am. Isolation has taught me that I don't have to feel distraught with being encased with myself and family. The only reason some people can never continue to do it is because we fear the unknown. I feel we'll get through this. I hope so because where I live it's gotten terrible.
But fearing the unknown is also fearing yourself. We may not be able to venture outside but we can make ourselves known to stand together and uncover things of ourself we may need to know.
(This was long. This was very...cheesy. I'm so sorry. I'm logging off after this because for once I feel very embarrassed. Just keep on keeping on) Have Hoshi.