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thoughts about life when I should be sleeping (1 Viewer)

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Even if it's all wrong, a delusion, a lie.. I really wish I could believe in something more or better..... A thing like destiny or purpose, even karma.. but I've always just felt that life is such a random mess, just chaos, and countless coincidences thrown and mixed together.. I don't see any order, any logic, or meaning.. I can't know what to expect or what the rules to play by are.. and you'd think all that would make it easier for me, I wouldn't take it seriously because I realize it doesn't really matter that much, but no, it makes it all much harder to endure.. I can never be free.. the only meaning there will be is a temporary one and one I create myself, the only logic is something I base on what I've experienced so far.. the one thing I can do is keep going and try my best, that's all.. I know many won't agree with this and I like that, it's a good thing for you and I wish I could see the world through your eyes too..

 
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Sometimes I can't help but think that if I had the same upbringing as one of my friends I would be happier... I mean, she has problems like everyone else... But she has the drive to comment on everyone's newest artworks in our community every day or every other day, she's always making the most of every bad situation by turning them into uplifting poems and stories, she has friends, a boyfriend, her immediate family isn't a flaming wreck... She's lived out in the countryside her whole life, her parents always encouraged her to follow her dreams... She has all these stories of all these great, blessed things that happened in her life... I love her to death, but I'll never be that kind of person because I never had that foundation. And there's no going back. All I have is my life. I'm just damaged goods.
The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease,
The stronger wind, the stronger trees,
The further sky, the greater length,
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.​

<3
 

yeji

❧@bulletproof is the noora to my eva
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we just need to realise that the chaos in life is just that chaos. a reminder that we are amazing the way we are, that there are people that love and care for us around is what makes it better.
 

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