I have written a first short text, can you tell me what you think? (1 Viewer)

[Willow]

Roisin, a 23-year-old Dubliner, was studying there. She overheard a conversation between two of her faculty classmates. They were talking about their semester-long Erasmus studies abroad. She wondered why they seemed extra excited during their chats. She was unaware of the importance of learning new languages or becoming totally immersed in another culture at the time. Roisin was unable to relate to them because she was able to travel the world without knowing any other languages other than English. Why would she bother if she could find someone who could speak English anywhere? She had no idea that her initial confidence in English as a universal language would be called into question in an unexpected manner.

She got the sense that travelling anywhere while relying on English for communication was sufficient. When Roisin flew to Italy with her family a few years ago, she recalled being disappointed because the waiter couldn't communicate in English well enough. She reasoned that he should be the one to accommodate her. Roisin didn't view her lack of interest in the local culture as a problem, and the language barrier could be an issue as well. She couldn't imagine how the waiter felt. Furthermore, Roisin couldn't understand how her attitude towards those who couldn't speak English as well as she expected was unjust and condescending.

When she was done at the library, she went to her favourite café place. While standing in the queue, she overheard a mother talking to her son in a foreign language. Roisin quickly related them with their situation as immigrants and suggested that they speak English more because it was the official and worldwide language.

She didn't see how a second language might benefit them as individuals. She had never seen learning a second language as useful to her as an English speaker. Furthermore, she questioned herself: what other language would be more vital to master than English? She was already fluent in a world language. Why bother studying a less important language when you can move freely by relying on English, she reasoned.​

 

[Willow]

can you suggest me any way to improve it?

 

[Willow]

@Erika_Jonsdottir @kimsguardian @Wingfrost @uran @SugarPoppinBSI @Tickita

 

[seungfloral]

Oh i think it's a good read. A good start, would like to read more. Her getting in an actual situation where she would be forced to talk in anything but English.

You made her look educated and dumb asf at the same time.

 

[Willow]

Oh i think it's a good read. A good start, would like to read more. Her getting in an actual situation where she would be forced to talk in anything but English.

You made her look educated and dumb asf at the same time.

it will come when she moves in a new reality where English is a minority language :)) I try to portray her initial thoughts and assumptions

 

[seungfloral]

it will come when she moves in a new reality where English is a minority language :)) I try to portray her initial thoughts and assumptions

I thought new reality was a metaphore for smth. In this case u could use a synonim for new reality. Like

"She had no idea that her initial confidence in English as a universal language would be called into question in an uxpected manner."

That way you dont spoil the surprise and main theme of the text.

 

[Willow]

I thought new reality was a metaphore for smth. In this case u could use a synonim for new reality. Like

"She had no idea that her initial confidence in English as a universal language would be called into question in an uxpected manner."

That way you dont spoil the surprise and main theme of the text.

yeah I guess it could be too much xD did you read the summary I posted yesterday?

 

[seungfloral]

yeah I guess it could be too much xD did you read the summary I posted yesterday?

No, not yet. Will do soon

 

[Willow]

No, not yet. Will do soon

It was giving the overall plot idea :)) I have already a good view about how the starting will go

 

[seungfloral]

It was giving the overall plot idea :)) I have already a good view about how the starting will go

Ohh interesting, will u post it somewhere

 

[Jungwonie]

That was a good read! I also read your 2 other threads

I'm hooked, can you maybe tag me when you make a new thread?

 

[Willow]

Ohh interesting, will u post it somewhere

I did yesterday

 

[Willow]

That was a good read! I also read your 2 other threads

I'm hooked, can you maybe tag me when you make a new thread?

Omg thank you! What did you like the best?

 

[Jungwonie]

Omg thank you! What did you like the best?

All of them were good imo! But I think I like the one with Emma the best
It wouldn't be bad to mix some of them though! Just a suggestion

 

[Willow]

All of them were good imo! But I think I like the one with Emma the best
It wouldn't be bad to mix some of them though! Just a suggestion

I see. Emma as her mentor and guide through her journey ;)

 

[Jungwonie]

I see. Emma as her mentor and guide through her journey ;)

I feel like their friendship will be so wholesome

 

[Willow]

I feel like their friendship will be so wholesome

Indeed 🤩

 

[Tickita]

So this is just a random piece of text, or this is how the story begins?

Yesterday I skimmed the summary, and I'm interested in reading more

 

[kimsguardian]

i'm so sorry pal, idk what to add bcs i really bad at writing
but it's already looks great, just keep it that way~

 

[Willow]

So this is just a random piece of text, or this is how the story begins?

Yesterday I skimmed the summary, and I'm interested in reading more

It would be how it starts :))