Sorry, I'm starting to feel ike I'm being fooled...
Do you want to get attention or do you want to get help? We can't help you, we are no psychologists. You wanted to take time out to search for help and now you still complain around here? Sorry, slowly but surely I can't take you seriously anymore.
One last time: There's no professional help for you here. And sorry, that's it from me. I'll not continue talking to you atm. Get help - take a break if KPS distresses you - and come back when you feel better. WHEN - YOU - FEEL - BETTER!
You have no friends here? To be blunt, if you continue this way, it will not change. I'm absolutely sure you are a great person - but not now, in your current mental state. It's not your fault that you have these problems. But it's your fault that you still sit around passively. Real heroes don't just sit around crying - they take action. Are you a hero or are you just another victim?