How to get over the fear of being perceived (1 Viewer)

[Day]

I HATE being perceived.. do you guys think the solution to getting over this fear is to force myself out into it?
@litc I feel like you could provide some insight...

So, basically, I have idol dolls right? And recently I bought some keychain versions... I want to attach Sohee keychain to my backpack and carry him around at my college because I think it would give me strength (the doll is super cute) and maybe help my mood when I feel down or feel like a moron (which happens often).

Maybe this is just me and my autism but it's so hard to try and blend in but know that, no matter what I do, I never will. Never.

This is Sohee's keychain btw

 

[athenaaa]

it's so hard to try and blend in but know that, no matter what I do, I never will.

I have never related more to a sentence in my life. I’m sorry you feel that way and I hope that this helps even a little bit. Also the keychain is super cute.

 

[Day]

I have never related more to a sentence in my life. I’m sorry you feel that way and I hope that this helps even a little bit. Also the keychain is super cute.

I truly understand the feelings you have and I wish life was easier to live I think that making this thread and just typing out my feelings has helped me a little bit though.... I feel like I have more resolution now to put the doll in my backpack. My logic is that at least it's one step out of my house and one step closer to the outside of the bag

 

[Selfmate]

my friend can you explain what do you mean by "being perceived"

 

[athenaaa]

I truly understand the feelings you have and I wish life was easier to live I think that making this thread and just typing out my feelings has helped me a little bit though.... I feel like I have more resolution now to put the doll in my backpack. My logic is that at least it's one step out of my house and one step closer to the outside of the bag

I’m undiagnosed but it is almost nearly certain I would be if I was able to access the assessments needed. I find masking the most difficult. I am glad that typing out your feelings has helped a bit. It can be kinda therapeutic sometimes. I am the type of person who has a lot of things attached to their backpack, even a big Winnie the Pooh

 

[Day]

my friend can you explain what do you mean by "being perceived"

I'm hyperaware of how people look at me, the judgements they make, and that awareness - that "perception" - makes me very uncomfortable, scared, and forces me into a box that prevents me from doing many, many things in my life. I don't know what it means to live without the chokehold of perception on my being (see: autism masking) and that leads me to believe that I truly don't know who I am

 

[Day]

I’m undiagnosed but it is almost nearly certain I would be if I was able to access the assessments needed. I find masking the most difficult. I am glad that typing out your feelings has helped a bit. It can be kinda therapeutic sometimes. I am the type of person who has a lot of things attached to their backpack, even a big Winnie the Pooh

Healthcare in both of our countries is AWFUL. In my case - being self-diagnosed (late-diagnosed) autistic, a woman, and uninsured - it would be highly unlikely to get a diagnosis unless, by chance, I met with a very knowledgeable professional who knew and believed in my experiences.... but I don't have insurance and I'm broke so that's not really an option right now.
I think I rambled too much but I want to see your Winnie the Pooh plush!!! Send me a pic next time you can and I will have to send you pics of Sohee on his adventures with me... who knows, maybe he will wire an outlet in the future?

 

[Selfmate]

I'm hyperaware of how people look at me, the judgements they make, and that awareness - that "perception" - makes me very uncomfortable, scared, and forces me into a box that prevents me from doing many, many things in my life. I don't know what it means to live without the chokehold of perception on my being (see: autism masking) and that leads me to believe that I truly don't know who I am

well this is so beyond my paygrade...
I hope you get some expert help with your issues my friend

I can only comment from my perspective as a neurotypical person to just roll with the punches...that I can't stop what others say or do about me - I can only change how I react to their issues and their behaviours (i hope that makes sense)

 

[athenaaa]

Healthcare in both of our countries is AWFUL. In my case - being self-diagnosed (late-diagnosed) autistic, a woman, and uninsured - it would be highly unlikely to get a diagnosis unless, by chance, I met with a very knowledgeable professional who knew and believed in my experiences.... but I don't have insurance and I'm broke so that's not really an option right now.
I think I rambled too much but I want to see your Winnie the Pooh plush!!! Send me a pic next time you can and I will have to send you pics of Sohee on his adventures with me... who knows, maybe he will wire an outlet in the future?

Don’t even get me started on the healthcare system. People think it’s all good here cause it’s “free”. Its not. Assessments are expensive and even more so as an adult. Also waiting lists are a mile long. As I am undiagnosed personally I just use the term neurodivergent to explain myself.
So the Winnie I was talking about is a keychain, but he comes with me
everywhere. I don’t have a picture right now but lemme show you some plushes I do have. This is Elmo:

This is my other Winnie:

OMG I would love to see and hear about his adventures!! Impatiently awaiting!

 

[Day]

well this is so beyond my paygrade...
I hope you get some expert help with your issues my friend

I can only comment from my perspective as a neurotypical person to just roll with the punches...that I can't stop what others say or do about me - I can only change how I react to their issues and their behaviours (i hope that makes sense)

Ive been in the process of unmasking for about a year now and it's truly a scary and hard thing to do but I think I have to believe one day I'll reach happiness. Until that point, I will bring Sohee in my backpack

 

[Day]

Don’t even get me started on the healthcare system. People think it’s all good here cause it’s “free”. Its not. Assessments are expensive and even more so as an adult. Also waiting lists are a mile long. As I am undiagnosed personally I just use the term neurodivergent to explain myself.
So the Winnie I was talking about is a keychain, but he comes with me
everywhere. I don’t have a picture right now but lemme show you some plushes I do have. This is Elmo:

This is my other Winnie:

OMG I would love to see and hear about his adventures!! Impatiently awaiting!

THOXE ARE SO CUUUUTEEEE OMGGGG

 

[Selfmate]

Ive been in the process of unmasking for about a year now and it's truly a scary and hard thing to do but I think I have to believe one day I'll reach happiness. Until that point, I will bring Sohee in my backpack

what's unmasking my friend? (i'm sorry if this is a common term)

 

[Day]

what's unmasking my friend? (i'm sorry if this is a common term)

Autistic masking is basically a very tight control of our emotions, actions, and behaviors in order to blend in with "normal" people in society. We hide parts of ourself and don't show it to others, and in the end it harms us a lot. I'll provide a link here that goes more in-depth on it, but unmasking is basically the process of letting go of some of that control and tightness. For me, that has looked like telling people how I feel instead of lying or people-pleasing like I normally would - setting boundaries. For others, that might look like stimming even when it's not socially acceptable. I'm not an expert by any means, this is just my experience

 

[Selfmate]

Autistic masking is basically a very tight control of our emotions, actions, and behaviors in order to blend in with "normal" people in society. We hide parts of ourself and don't show it to others, and in the end it harms us a lot. I'll provide a link here that goes more in-depth on it, but unmasking is basically the process of letting go of some of that control and tightness. For me, that has looked like telling people how I feel instead of lying or people-pleasing like I normally would - setting boundaries. For others, that might look like stimming even when it's not socially acceptable. I'm not an expert by any means, this is just my experience

how difficult is it to keep the mask on?
does it feel very uncomfortable and unnatural?

 

[Day]

how difficult is it to keep the mask on?
does it feel very uncomfortable and unnatural?

I masked for 23 years without knowing that's what it was..... to do it now, after knowing what I know now, it makes me feel awful. It's very very hard to keep up now

 

[Selfmate]

I masked for 23 years without knowing that's what it was..... to do it now, after knowing what I know now, it makes me feel awful. It's very very hard to keep up now

do the people closest to you - like family friends etc know about you masking and your autism?
do they accept it or otehrwise?

 

[Day]

do the people closest to you - like family friends etc know about you masking and your autism?
do they accept it or otehrwise?

They would deny it to the end of time, I haven't shared that part of myself with them

 

[Selfmate]

They would deny it to the end of time, I haven't shared that part of myself with them

do you think they would be accepting of unmasked you or not?

btw I've known you a while my friend - I knew you had some issues but didn't realise it was autism related - were you masking all that time?

 

[Day]

do you think they would be accepting of unmasked you or not?

btw I've known you a while my friend - I knew you had some issues but didn't realise it was autism related - were you masking all that time?

It's off an on when I'm online, but lately I've been very unmasked
They would not accept me unmasked lol, because unmasked me does not spend time around them

 

[Selfmate]

It's off an on when I'm online, but lately I've been very unmasked
They would not accept me unmasked lol, because unmasked me does not spend time around them

hmmm...that sounds sad

btw I'm also very masked - it's literally in my name

Lee Soo Masked!!!

Spoiler

it's just a joke I don't mean anything negative and certainly not trying to downplay your issues