- Joined
- 20 October 2018
- Messages
- 126,058
- Reactions Received
- 53,008
- Cards
- View Profile
- KS Coins
- 528,535
- Ship
- Wreck
I've always found myself in situations where people place high expectations and high hopes on my shoulders despite me feeling like I cannot do those things and that I don't quite understand what I'm doing. It's probably related to being autistic, but I'm really uncomfortable with being perceived and I hate hearing from other people about how I look - it makes me extremely uncomfortable. No matter what, I feel I always fall flat of those expectations. I've become just another judgy person looking at my own self - it's like my mind and body are always at war with one another.
However, I've recently discovered ~ delusion ~ and I've begun to question myself and my judgy beliefs.
I was approached recently about becoming an ambassador for my program and my initial response was to say no and run away because I'm an idiot. However... the more I thought about it, the more I asked myself "what other idiots do I know in leadership positions that belong there?" and that line of questioning gave me the resolve to agree for this leadership position. If the instructors around me already have this perception of me as a capable student, even if I said no I would still be placed in supervisor/leadership roles in the classroom. I might as well get to be able to put it on my resume. Ntm I get a dope gold lanyard to wear around and only 2 people in each program get to be ambassadors.
Maybe the solution to being insecure is to lean into everything people say about me and own it? I don't know. Maybe someone else who deals with this can give me some advice.
However, I've recently discovered ~ delusion ~ and I've begun to question myself and my judgy beliefs.
I was approached recently about becoming an ambassador for my program and my initial response was to say no and run away because I'm an idiot. However... the more I thought about it, the more I asked myself "what other idiots do I know in leadership positions that belong there?" and that line of questioning gave me the resolve to agree for this leadership position. If the instructors around me already have this perception of me as a capable student, even if I said no I would still be placed in supervisor/leadership roles in the classroom. I might as well get to be able to put it on my resume. Ntm I get a dope gold lanyard to wear around and only 2 people in each program get to be ambassadors.
Maybe the solution to being insecure is to lean into everything people say about me and own it? I don't know. Maybe someone else who deals with this can give me some advice.