So I found out my family has been having extended family meetups without me (1 Viewer)

[centen]

With my tree falling on my house, my parents came over the day it happened to offer emotional support (and to be fair, were generally less awful than usual), and then came back last night to "help" fix things (aka, criticize my interior paint choices, tell me I'm "obsessed with money" for being stressed over the unexpected expense, and tell me I'm getting fat).

Oh, and then they casually dropped that they've been having extended family meet-ups. Did a road trip to visit my aunt in June, had a big gathering with everyone in for Independence Day over the Fourth of July weekend, making plans for my niece's birthday coming up in October. That literally no one even told me was happening, much less actually invited me to attend.

I'd been thinking of telling my family that I'm not driving over on Christmas Day this year, and I've been feeling really guilty about wanting to finally start doing my own thing, but now I'm over that.

 

[rayhere]

dont believe their criticism personally I agree with u and they need to get the f out. you do you, don't let them tell u what to do or hold u down

 

[Ahsoka]

It sounds like they’re trying to check off as many terrible parent boxes as possible I know it’s easy for me to say because it’s not affecting me personally, but I wouldn’t visit them over Christmas. If they’re not willing to be on even footing with you, you shouldn’t feel like you’re obligated to

 

[athenaaa]

I personally don’t think it’s worth putting positive energy into people if they won’t return the same attitude. So sorry this is happening but please do what is best for your well-being

 

[centen]

dont believe their criticism personally I agree with u and they need to get the f out. you do you, don't let them tell u what to do or hold u down

It sounds like they’re trying to check off as many terrible parent boxes as possible I know it’s easy for me to say because it’s not affecting me personally, but I wouldn’t visit them over Christmas. If they’re not willing to be on even footing with you, you shouldn’t feel like you’re obligated to

I personally don’t think it’s worth putting positive energy into people if they won’t return the same attitude. So sorry this is happening but please do what is best for your well-being

Thank you friends. I've felt a lot of guilt of not wanting to be around my family, but now I'm wondering why I put in so much effort initially.

On one hand, it sucks, but on the other, I can at least stop trying to figure out how to make everyone happy. Like no point in caring more than they do.

 

[Selfmate]

Thank you friends. I've felt a lot of guilt of not wanting to be around my family, but now I'm wondering why I put in so much effort initially.

if you didn't contact your family at all would they ever contact you first?

 

[centen]

if you didn't contact your family at all would they ever contact you first?

I've been thinking that the answer to that is probably no, unless they think they need something from me. The last text I got from anyone that they initiated was asking me how to do something related to my job (banking).

My dad did tell me that he talks about my job, my income, my pet, my life. 🙃 So they certainly like talking about me, they could just take or leave my actual presence.

 

[dark_tranquility]

That's just cruel

family shouldn't do those sorts of things
the money and fat comment

they should just keep quiet

 

[Selfmate]

I've been thinking that the answer to that is probably no, unless they think they need something from me. The last text I got from anyone that they initiated was asking me how to do something related to my job (banking).

My dad did tell me that he talks about my job, my income, my pet, my life. 🙃 So they certainly like talking about me, they could just take or leave my actual presence.

relationships are always a two way street
and both parties need to make an effort in maintaining said relationship whether romantic or friendship or family etc etc

if one side does absolutely nothing or the bare minimum then it's up to you to decide whether that relationship is worth maintaining

 

[centen]

relationships are always a two way street
and both parties need to make an effort in maintaining said relationship whether romantic or friendship or family etc etc

if one side does absolutely nothing or the bare minimum then it's up to you to decide whether that relationship is worth maintaining

Thank you for the words of wisdom. I don't know what it's like in Australia, but here, there's a lot of social isolation, so there's a lot of assumption that you really need to stick with family. Because even if they annoy you or whatever, who else would show up?

But I do have a lot of friends, I had a dozen offers of actual helpful things to deal with the tree situation. So I don't need my family, in that way at least. I just wish I had a family that cared. But if wishes were fishes, eh?

 

[Pirioca]

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

 

[Selfmate]

Thank you for the words of wisdom. I don't know what it's like in Australia, but here, there's a lot of social isolation, so there's a lot of assumption that you really need to stick with family. Because even if they annoy you or whatever, who else would show up?

But I do have a lot of friends, I had a dozen offers of actual helpful things to deal with the tree situation. So I don't need my family, in that way at least. I just wish I had a family that cared. But if wishes were fishes, eh?

I'm very close to my family so I can't imagine what it must be like for you with such family.
However the preservation of the self is of the utmost important whether physically and mentally and if your family is giving you no end of issues when as oppose to say going no contact completely maybe just distance oneself for a while and focus on you and as you say your friends...since they obviously care a lot about you

there is the saying that you can't choose family but you can choose your friends.