I wrote a little poem inspired by Dreamcatcher's Deja Vu :) (1 Viewer)

[yeji]

glad to hear that

 

[SaphireSaphirine]

Kwaa~ It was beautiful <3 It’s exactly the kind of poem I enjoy reading most. Kind of to the point, but detailed enough to illustrate a story and setting 💕 I see Deja Vu’s influence, but I think it works well on its own, too.

My only bit of critic—which is likely simple personal taste, so take it with a grain of salt, that’s fine—is that the “The light gets covered by clouds” line seemed to slightly interrupt the flow to me, because it was rush/abrupt sounding compared to the rest. Just adding ‘the’ would fix that (for my brain). “The light gets covered by the clouds”
Again, likely personal preference. Nothing serious. Either way, it's a beautiful poem that gave me the feels. Great job

 

[kodoku]

Kwaa~ It was beautiful <3 It’s exactly the kind of poem I enjoy reading most. Kind of to the point, but detailed enough to illustrate a story and setting 💕 I see Deja Vu’s influence, but I think it works well on its own, too.

My only bit of critic—which is likely simple personal taste, so take it with a grain of salt, that’s fine—is that the “The light gets covered by clouds” line seemed to slightly interrupt the flow to me, because it was rush/abrupt sounding compared to the rest. Just adding ‘the’ would fix that (for my brain). “The light gets covered by the clouds”
Again, likely personal preference. Nothing serious. Either way, it's a beautiful poem that gave me the feels. Great job

thank you!! I'm eternally changing my poems, so I will make sure to change that as well haha <3

 

[SaphireSaphirine]

thank you!! I'm eternally changing my poems, so I will make sure to change that as well haha <3

Oooh, eternally changing? Kudos to your relentless inner-editor, hahaha~ 😆

 

[kodoku]

Oooh, eternally changing? Kudos to your relentless inner-editor, hahaha~ 😆

it's so annoying actually, I think it's the ocd haha xD

 

[SaphireSaphirine]

it's so annoying actually, I think it's the ocd haha xD

Oh, I know it’s annoying. I’d always eternally change everything until I drove myself nuts Hence, why I side-eye writing now, hehe. 😅

Seriously, though, if it becomes too crazy, step back and do something else for a few days, then come back to it. You'll have fresh eyes and are more likely to edit better than you would have without the break~ 👍

 

[dark_tranquility]

It's great. It has a lot of fluid emotions involved and makes me visualise well.
Which is a sign of a good poem, if you can visual what is being read or spoken.

I hope to see more of these, well done!

 

[kodoku]

It's great. It has a lot of fluid emotions involved and makes me visualise well.
Which is a sign of a good poem, if you can visual what is being read or spoken.

I hope to see more of these, well done!

omg thank you sir!!