Are there things you feel you can’t tell family, but can tell online friends? (1 Viewer)

[Ahsoka]

I have one. It mentions abuse so I’ll add it to a spoiler.

Spoiler: Abuse

My dads mom is anti lgbt, though less than before. When I visited her two years ago she cornered me and asked some questions, including if I’m a lesbian. I said yes, and she didn’t freak out like that time when I was a teen, but started asking questions. The first and wildest one was if my dad (her son) abused my mom. This was apparently the first thing she thought of when hearing that I’m a lesbian. I understand she probably believed that I could only turn lesbian if I went through a traumatic experience related to straight relationships, but imagine asking that about up your own kid. Sure, abusers aren’t always stereotypically evil seeming and easy to find but thinking “my grandkid is gay therefore my son must abuse his wife” with no other evidence seems wild to me. He never has and never seemed like he might. The reason I can’t tell family is because my mom will tell my dad, my sister will blab to someone (probably multiple people), and it’ll make its way to my dad, my brother isn’t one of talk about this with (and he might blab), my other brother is too young; and my aunt will either tell my grandma or tell a person who will tell a person who will tell a person who will tell my dad. If I were my dad I’d be pissed about this and I don’t want to affect his relationship with her so everyone seems to be out. But online people, most of who will never meet them, are safe

 

[Villains]

i'm sorry you have to deal with that :(
but i sort of relate to that. my parents don’t know i’m trans (if they did they would kill me - literally) but they do have some suspicions of why i dress and present myself this way. though i’m not super comfortable with people knowing about it because then i feel like they’ll see me as a wannabe boy or just a masculine woman, i feel more comfortable talking about it online and people are just generally more accepting online rather than the people i know irl. also my best friends are really transphobic but i don’t wanna ruin our 10+ year friendship just because of me being trans

 

[luv1chii]

im sorry that happened :(
but yes definitely. my parents would kill me if they knew that i was talking to boys, or dating boys when im apparently not allowed to do that for another 2 years. i feel like its more comfortable to tell my friends abt my relationship status as a whole, both irl and online, since ppl have more experience w this than i do and have better advice for me. also for stuff such as venting and mental health, which would be invalidated and made fun of by my parents but heard and comforted by online friends.

 

[Yerichu]

Honestly, yes

 

[Ahsoka]

i'm sorry you have to deal with that :(
but i sort of relate to that. my parents don’t know i’m trans (if they did they would kill me - literally) but they do have some suspicions of why i dress and present myself this way. though i’m not super comfortable with people knowing about it because then i feel like they’ll see me as a wannabe boy or just a masculine woman, i feel more comfortable talking about it online and people are just generally more accepting online rather than the people i know irl. also my best friends are really transphobic but i don’t wanna ruin our 10+ year friendship just because of me being trans

There are some people who start as discriminatory who change when someone they care about turns out to be in that group. But it really is such a big risk unfortunately to take in that regard that it definitely makes sense to hide it. I just hope that your friends are those people who change their mind if you ever do come out to them. I have also felt like online it’s easier to find open minded people in that aspect (though I’m sure it depends on where you search). It really is freeing in that regard.

 

[dark_tranquility]

Mostly about how bad my stepmother is and such.
Also about my mental health and diagnosis

 

[Fallout]

Basically my online life, they don't know about what goes on when I play online games (Including talking to guys)
Or that I talk to strangers in general
(also don't know I'm bi they would kill me)

 

[athenaaa]

I don’t tell them about my mental health struggles because they either think they can fix them themselves or that they don’t exist at all

 

[Selfmate]

I think maybe your grandma grew up in a different time when there was more animosity towards those of LGBT community but as you say it's gotten better and she is slowly changing her attitude??? maybe??

 

[Ahsoka]

I think maybe your grandma grew up in a different time when there was more animosity towards those of LGBT community but as you say it's gotten better and she is slowly changing her attitude??? maybe??

Not to sound self centered but I think it also had to do with her realizing what she said affected me poorly and that making her think that she might not be fully right. Especially given my depression that she knows about. I didn’t think she has self awareness but maybe?

 

[The_LastRomeo]

Yeah, like how I don't feel loved, I might have depression and such.
My dad always asks if I believe him when he says I love you and I say yes but in reality I don't.
If I told anyone in my family I might be depressed I feel only my younger sis and my mom would care, but my younger sis tends to say things in arguments that I told her as a secret so she could win. My mom would tell my dad because she thinks that would make him change his ways but in fact the opposite, he would ask "why are you depressed?" and would say I've never gone through anything to be depressed.

 

[Selfmate]

Not to sound self centered but I think it also had to do with her realizing what she said affected me poorly and that making her think that she might not be fully right. Especially given my depression that she knows about. I didn’t think she has self awareness but maybe?

that's a good thing no - that someone can recognise their own actions or even if it's a selfish desire to maintain a relationship with you that the realisation that if she doesn't change she's going to lose you forever...

 

[Ahsoka]

that's a good thing no - that someone can recognise their own actions or even if it's a selfish desire to maintain a relationship with you that the realisation that if she doesn't change she's going to lose you forever...

It is good ofc that she’s made progress. She definitely still has a ways to go, given what she asked in the op, but I put up with her better now. She’s still called crazy grandma for now though

 

[Selfmate]

It is good ofc that she’s made progress. She definitely still has a ways to go, given what she asked in the op, but I put up with her better now. She’s still called crazy grandma for now though

be not afraid of moving slowly, be afraid of standing still

 

[Flaneur]

Yes a lot of things it's easier for me to share things with people I'll probably never meet in my life than sharing the same thing with my family
You see my grandma and aunt aren't really fond of me so I tend to not speak a lot infront of them it would just result in an argument. Even though my parents take my side. But still I don't like to start any baseless arguments with them. Hence, I keep a lot of things to myself and often share it with online friends.