Coming out was one of the worst things I've ever did (3 Viewers)

[Myco]

This is a pretty long text, probably the most I've ever written for a thread but sorry not sorry .
It's probably the most personal thing I've ever shared with anyone but thinking back about it,
I came to the conclusion that it really was the worst thing I ever did.



I came out as gay around 2015/2016 to a male classmate of mine.
I do gotta say that I was relatively lucky that I got positive responses and wasn't bullied,
which sadly still happens to a lot of LGBTQ+ folks.

We texted a bit and as usual he asked me about relationship advice and girls which I obviously had no experience with,
feeling more than annoyed I told him I was gay and can't help him with his girl problems.
That's pretty much the story of my first coming out, I wasn't too nervous here but that changed rather quickly.

Thinking myself "Oh I outed myself to him why not just go with EVERYONE ELSE EVER TOO",
because back then I had thought it was pretty mandatory for a gay person to come out to be accepted.

The pressure I had put on myself was so terrible.
I think that's when my social anxiety really gotten the best of me.
Each time I came out to friends I was scared, shaking from head to toes, feeling like I'd collapse right in front of them.
I even had the idea to come out to my entire class which I did.

Now again, all of the receptions were pretty good, but what I feared the most kinda came true,
being seen as just "the gay kid".

The first guy I outed myself too prided himself that a gay person outed themselves to him, feeling proud of this accomplishment as if it was a goal you would get a trophy for.
Being the gay best friend for the girls, talking about shopping, which guys I find cute etc.

The thing was and still is, I have 0 interest in make-up, fashion, shopping, thirsting over guys 24/7 etc.
I was basically reduced to the most common gay stereotypes you can think of.
That's probably the biggest reason why I barely have any irl friends cuz it always comes down to that.

Online at least I can live out my own hobbies and talk with other people about it.


The possibly worst thing about it was coming out to my parents. Coming out to friends etc. is nothing compared to your family.
And to this day only my big sister knows but she still uses derogatory terms when she is gaming with others etc. but she's been nice to me at least, so you can kinda guess our relationship.

When I came out to my Mom I cried heaven and hell.
Being hit with "but all those gays have HIV, do you want to get that too?" to later then "I still love you no matter what", which is kind of idk weird, since we basically never ever ever ever talked about me being gay after the evening I tried coming out to her.
Idk if she repressed it or anything but I wouldn't do it again just to confront her.
We still hug, we still say I love you, but I at least do it with some kind of conflicted feelings.

Now I'm not asking for "I'm sorry that this happened to you" etc. I still had it much better than others.

Basically what I just wanna say that if you are still not outed or having difficulties with your sexuality,
please don't pressure yourself, or get pressured by others to out yourself. I think that generally, the stress you put on yourself with that will do more harm to yourself than the reactions of others.
If you still do end up coming out, that's still great, especially if you feel better afterwards.

But in general I also think to normalize being gay, lesbian, trans etc. you shouldn't have to come out to anyone, you should be able to tell it on the side without having reactions like "OMG you are gay??? I never would've thought, that shocked me now" or similar stuff.

Also just in general, I'm happy with myself as of today in case u worried reading through it


That was my TED talk, thank you for coming(out) to see me .

Just tagging some peeps
@Yili @Vikki @Flocon @OnlyCalB @Lovely_Cornchips @RainbowDevil @karina

 

[RainbowDevil]

Damn... that's really scary. I honestly can't imagine having to do this... And I can see why anyone wouldn't want to do it.

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

Shit, you're brave. I can't come out to my family period. Maybe a cousin but not my sisters or parents I'd be disowned in a heartbeat, my own friend group is pretty conservative and doesn't treat me differently for being Bi. They all are pretty accepting even if they don't necessarily fully get it which is nice tbh.

 

[Ahsoka]

You may have had it better than others but that doesn't mean your situation didn't suck. I wish we lived in a world where sexuality didn't matter and no one had to come out to anyone else.

 

[Myco]

Shit, you're brave. I can't come out to my family period. Maybe a cousin but not my sisters or parents I'd be disowned in a heartbeat, my own friend group is pretty conservative and doesn't treat me differently for being Bi. They all are pretty accepting even if they don't necessarily fully get it which is nice tbh.

I didn't even out myself to my sister, she overheard a phone call from my mom to a friend of hers crying about me being gay and my sister having an Asian guy as a bf so yeah..

Even if other people don't get it they can like at least be a decent human being no? Even if it goes against their beliefs and whatnot, idk why some have to turn into really hateful beings

 

[Myco]

Damn... that's really scary. I honestly can't imagine having to do this... And I can see why anyone wouldn't want to do it.

You may have had it better than others but that doesn't mean your situation didn't suck. I wish we lived in a world where sexuality didn't matter and no one had to come out to anyone else.

I really dislike how coming out is so glorified in media, it's in no way as beautiful and with as many happy endings

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

I didn't even out myself to my sister, she overheard a phone call from my mom to a friend of hers crying about me being gay and my sister having an Asian guy as a bf so yeah..

Even if other people don't get it they can like at least be a decent human being no? Even if it goes against their beliefs and whatnot, idk why some have to turn into really hateful beings

I don't know either but thankfully I haven't really run into anyone who is straight-up hateful but also I think it's hard to figure out that I'm Bi since I'm straight passing. I also appreciate knowing that even if someone is conservative does not mean they hate you. I just know I can't come out to my parents-mainly my dad and my soon to be brother in law oof that would go badly.

 

[Myco]

I don't know either but thankfully I haven't really run into anyone who is straight-up hateful but also I think it's hard to figure out that I'm Bi since I'm straight passing. I also appreciate knowing that even if someone is conservative does not mean they hate you. I just know I can't come out to my parents-mainly my dad and my soon to be brother in law oof that would go badly.

these days i'm mostly just like "if i bring a guy home and introduce them as my bf you either accept it or you don't but idgaf about your opinion"
it's better to just not say anything to people you know won't be good about it anyway, no need to put yourself into any stress over it

 

[Yili]

I can't imagine how tough of a situation it was for you, even if you say that it is not as bad as for others. Being who I am, I haven't had to come out to people or be so afraid of revealing a part of myself, and because of that I can live an existence without being criticized for who I am. You're very brave and I'm proud to be your friend <33

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

these days i'm mostly just like "if i bring a guy home and introduce them as my bf you either accept it or you don't but idgaf about your opinion"
it's better to just not say anything to people you know won't be good about it anyway, no need to put yourself into any stress over it

Yeah idk I'm not worried about coming out because I mean I don't plan on it tbh. But also hope that if I have kids they know they don't have to worry about it and hoping being gay will be normalized by then so coming out won't even need to be a thing anymore.

 

[OnlyCalB]

You are brave Reo. It sucks the situation wasn't the best or how you imagined it would be though.


But be proud of who you are and live how you choose and you'll be just fine.

 

[Myco]

I can't imagine how tough of a situation it was for you, even if you say that it is not as bad as for others. Being who I am, I haven't had to come out to people or be so afraid of revealing a part of myself, and because of that I can live an existence without being criticized for who I am. You're very brave and I'm proud to be your friend <33

i don't know if you remember (back in AKP days), you wrote me a message on discord, early 2018, (don't wanna get into it here cuz it was pretty personal)
which I really adored and made me like you even more (this probably doesn't make sense for outsiders lol)

 

[Yili]

i don't know if you remember (back in AKP days), you wrote me a message on discord, early 2018, (don't wanna get into it here cuz it was pretty personal)
which I really adored and made me like you even more (this probably doesn't make sense for outsiders lol)

i remember it very well, i'm glad that it actually made you like me more

 

[Myco]

You are brave Reo. It sucks the situation wasn't the best or how you imagined it would be though.


But be proud of who you are and live how you choose and you'll be just fine.

Thank you Cal, it definitely is better now than back in 2016, which is a whole 5 year difference

 

[Myco]

i remember it very well, i'm glad that it actually made you like me more

that was a kind of honesty I haven't experienced till then, but a lot of people just do stuff without thinking about it which you obviously did

 

[Yili]

that was a kind of honesty I haven't experienced till then, but a lot of people just do stuff without thinking about it which you obviously did

you are a very special friend to me so I wanted to make sure that I didn't say anything dumb

 

[Willow]

I don’t know if I would come out myself

 

[Abeamus]

Fixating on one aspect of a person is something that annoys me and especially when its aspects that people are trying to be not judged for as it goes both ways being a positive or negative judgment. The only reason i'd want to be aware of my kids sexuality would just to be more aware of their partner type to be able to pick up on things that they themselves might gloss over because of a lack of judgment and you can't really do that if you have the wrong sexuality.

I'm glad things are better for you though and hopefully your mom will be more accepting when the day comes that you are in a relationship as seeing how happy you are might give her a bit more perspective on things

 

[yeji]

honestly I am with you on this. I never understood why people make big deals about someone elses sexuality and why we just assume that someone is straight. I personally definitely have difficulty coming out myself. Online like you said is just way different. Coming out to my family tho? I am dreading it cause a christian russian houshold isn’t ideal especially with the fact that many people never seem to get how anyone could be into more than just one gender.

anyway you are certainly brave adu and I am honestly thankful that you feel comfortable to share this with us.

 

[Jewel]

Damn you went through it. You're strong and amazing for having the courage to do what you did.