Do you think you can be rude to someone who’s not there? (1 Viewer)

[Ahsoka]

Today I had someone say that comments are only rude if they’re directed at someone who’s physically there, and that if you shit talk someone behind their back it’s mean but not rude. I’ve never heard that view before. What do you think about this view?

 

[shadow]

I thought mean and rude were the same thing

 

[snsd2beg]

Yes. What kind of backwards logic is that?

 

[eclipsoul]

just because they're not there to hear that doesn't make rude remarks less rude. it seems like whoever came up with such statements probably talks shit about people behind their back all the time and wants excuses for that

 

[Belgizen]

both are mean

 

[centen]

I think if you're getting into arguing the semantics of whether your actions are mean vs. rude, regardless, you're doing something you know you shouldn't be doing and you should probably stop.

 

[athenaaa]

Today I had someone say that comments are only rude if they’re directed at someone who’s physically there, and that if you shit talk someone behind their back it’s mean but not rude. I’ve never heard that view before. What do you think about this view?

I disagree with this view personally

 

[ChiaraStar169]

wtf kinda backwards logic is that??? it doesn't matter if the person is there or not. In fact, behind your back is even ruder!

 

[seungfloral]

Today I had someone say that comments are only rude if they’re directed at someone who’s physically there, and that if you shit talk someone behind their back it’s mean but not rude. I’ve never heard that view before. What do you think about this view?

They are excusing their own gossipping.
Also i shit talk all the time
- From an annoyed scorpio

 

[badcrookshanks]

you rude to me behind my back, im gonna know regardless

 

[Selfmate]

Today I had someone say that comments are only rude if they’re directed at someone who’s physically there, and that if you shit talk someone behind their back it’s mean but not rude. I’ve never heard that view before. What do you think about this view?

I need names so I can "not" shittalk said person

 

[Ahsoka]

Yes. What kind of backwards logic is that?

just because they're not there to hear that doesn't make rude remarks less rude. it seems like whoever came up with such statements probably talks shit about people behind their back all the time and wants excuses for that

I think if you're getting into arguing the semantics of whether your actions are mean vs. rude, regardless, you're doing something you know you shouldn't be doing and you should probably stop.

wtf kinda backwards logic is that??? it doesn't matter if the person is there or not. In fact, behind your back is even ruder!

They are excusing their own gossipping.
Also i shit talk all the time
- From an annoyed scorpio

Just because I think it’s misinterpreted, they weren’t saying that it’s okay to talk behind their back, they definitely consider it equally bad. It was just a question of categorization, I said that in the US retail staff are definitely rude, they just don’t show it and instead talk behind your back vs to your face, and they said that it’s not rude because rude is specifically being mean to your face rather than when you’re gone. It’s not because they’re a big fan of gossiping generally, or because they think being rude is worse than being mean, it’s just that they always considered rudeness specifically being a different type of meanness partly categorized as being to your face Kind of how stomach cancer and breast cancer are both undeniably terrible, but they’re just categorized as different bad things in the English language.

 

[seungfloral]

Just because I think it’s misinterpreted, they weren’t saying that it’s okay to talk behind their back, they definitely consider it equally bad. It was just a question of categorization, I said that in the US retail staff are definitely rude, they just don’t show it and instead talk behind your back vs to your face, and they said that it’s not rude because rude is specifically being mean to your face rather than when you’re gone. It’s not because they’re a big fan of gossiping generally, or because they think being rude is worse than being mean, it’s just that they always considered rudeness specifically being a different type of meanness partly categorized as being to your face Kind of how stomach cancer and breast cancer are both undeniably terrible, but they’re just categorized as different bad things in the English language.

Not a native speaker, so this is really confusing.

Altho i do see rude being used for people that don't know how to behave properly in a social setting. This way mean could mean being deliberately bad to someone.

However in no way have i heard it being distinguished by talking face to face to someone or talking behind their back.

 

[Abeamus]

I think it depends on context of your words rather than how you say them since rude I'd consider something that might be truthful but harsh to say. Like if you say someone is a bit slow to catch onto things from your experience it's rude to say even if others would agree in their experience.

If you instead say that person seems a bit stupid then you're just being mean because now you're actively insulting the person. Talking behind someones back doesn't really change anything except maybe make you cowardly for not being able to say it to them directly.

Gossip doesn't have to be bad though because if someone asks for a gift idea for someone else and you say "I hear ____ is into x" that's gossip but there's good intentions behind it.

 

[uran]

 

[centen]

Just because I think it’s misinterpreted, they weren’t saying that it’s okay to talk behind their back, they definitely consider it equally bad. It was just a question of categorization, I said that in the US retail staff are definitely rude, they just don’t show it and instead talk behind your back vs to your face, and they said that it’s not rude because rude is specifically being mean to your face rather than when you’re gone. It’s not because they’re a big fan of gossiping generally, or because they think being rude is worse than being mean, it’s just that they always considered rudeness specifically being a different type of meanness partly categorized as being to your face Kind of how stomach cancer and breast cancer are both undeniably terrible, but they’re just categorized as different bad things in the English language.

I feel like in that situation: what you think about me is none of my business until you make it my business. If a cashier is annoyed because I was struggling with something obvious, but they weren't rude to my face and just vented with a coworker, it's not exactly nice, but I don't know that I'd categorize that as rude either.

 

[Ahsoka]

I feel like in that situation: what you think about me is none of my business until you make it my business. If a cashier is annoyed because I was struggling with something obvious, but they weren't rude to my face and just vented with a coworker, it's not exactly nice, but I don't know that I'd categorize that as rude either.

Perhaps, but does that mean that it’s inherently not rude if they’re not there, or does it mean that not all those situations are rude? I personally would tend towards the second, not everything said behind someone’s back is rude but I do feel that some things said behind someone’s backs are rude.

 

[centen]

Perhaps, but does that mean that it’s inherently not rude if they’re not there, or does it mean that not all those situations are rude? I personally would tend towards the second, not everything said behind someone’s back is rude but I do feel that some things said behind someone’s backs are rude.

I agree with you. I don't know that it's broadly applicable, but for that specific situation, I don't automatically think it's rude.