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That no matter what I do I'll never be enough, I could give people the moon and there will a complaint about how there are holes in it. When I say anything about my feelings I get shut down, that's how it always will be because I'm so insignificant to my family. I tell people online that they are loved like I even know how that feels. I will always be the child that wasn't wanted (along with my little sister) by my father because he was done having kids after my problematic, abusive older sister was born. I will always be my older sisters bully even tho I was only a skinny 4 year old who just wanted to play. I will always be the competent sister until suddenly I'm useless. I will always pretend and lie to my father's face when he asks me if I believe him when he tells me he loves me, because if I say no I'll become ungrateful. I will always laugh everyday and smile even I'm so sad. All I need is Allah ta'ala, he will help me through this inshallah.