i wonder what happened (1 Viewer)

[melancholia]

the time is currently 1:30 AM

i can't go to sleep so i decided to write. one of the things that have struck me the most was that, i find it really hard to socialize. it could be a task as easy as throwing away a piece of paper or to say good morning to someone. going to the store is a hassle, i'm scared of all the stares and all of the comments. its just so hard, it seems so easy but for me its a challenge. this applies to real life and online. online its so hard to socialize, i can never keep the conversation going and im not interesting. im not social enough to reach out to user, i try but i'm always so scared i'll make a fool out of myself, i still try but its hard. thats why it was a miracle izz and i became friends because i'm super awkward. and i'm blaming myself for this, i could change but its so hard and challenging but i still try and fail. i wish i was more social, i could actually build relationships with people i want to. like i wish i was closer to some people on the forum, but atlas i'm holding myself back and im being insecure. i wonder when this starting happening, i was shy as a child but not to this extreme. i feel so lonely due to my own accord

the time is 2:14 am

 

[VillageIdiot]

Preaching to the choir
I used to be so loud and talkative as a kid until people started talking over me or just ignoring me outright. It was so embarrassing when I had something I felt was really important say, and I'd have to keep repeating myself because no one was listening or acknowledging me.

I hate to inconvenience people so much that I won't even correct someone if they give me back the wrong change (to an extent lmao) or the wrong order. Approaching people is so difficult because I feel like my interests aren't really shared with people of my age and i'd just be prattling off awkwardly.

The fear of rejection and failure runs deep but I'm starting to realize my fear of isolation is greater.

One foot in front of the other
Trip
Get back up
Move forward
1:28 AM

 

[kuro]

I know we talked, but i hope you are ok now melo