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DISCLAIMER: Tbh this entire thread really
I made a thread on this before but I don't think I stressed enough how much it fucks up my life
I constantly feel like I'm being looked at through a sexual lens by other people
I can't ever go to sleep without getting the random thought of sending my friend nxdes. I don't want to and I know she wouldn't want them either but there's always a voice in the back of my head that tells me I have to because that's the only way I'll be loved. When I did things with her I did because I wanted to but also because of that little voice. And when I'm done and I collect myself and get my clothes on again it's that same voice that tells me I'm disgusting for what I did, that I'm no longer worthy, that I'm not in control of myself, that I'm nothing more than a whore. And then on regular days when I'm just going about my morning, getting ready for school, that same voice tells me to not wear anything that shows skin and that if I do then I'm to blame if bad things happen to me. I never feel like I'm more than my body. And when I feel like I'm unwanted or worthless, I just resort to sexualizing myself as a coping mechanism. In developing hyeprsexuality, I lost my ability to say no because I felt that complying even if I was uncomfortable but just not saying it was how relationships were meant to go, but it's not. And go ahead and tell me that this is too much info to share and that you don't care. Go ahead and tell me that it's just hormones and that I'm overdramatizing a common experience. But you'll never know how it feels, NOT A BIT
I made a thread on this before but I don't think I stressed enough how much it fucks up my life
I constantly feel like I'm being looked at through a sexual lens by other people
I can't ever go to sleep without getting the random thought of sending my friend nxdes. I don't want to and I know she wouldn't want them either but there's always a voice in the back of my head that tells me I have to because that's the only way I'll be loved. When I did things with her I did because I wanted to but also because of that little voice. And when I'm done and I collect myself and get my clothes on again it's that same voice that tells me I'm disgusting for what I did, that I'm no longer worthy, that I'm not in control of myself, that I'm nothing more than a whore. And then on regular days when I'm just going about my morning, getting ready for school, that same voice tells me to not wear anything that shows skin and that if I do then I'm to blame if bad things happen to me. I never feel like I'm more than my body. And when I feel like I'm unwanted or worthless, I just resort to sexualizing myself as a coping mechanism. In developing hyeprsexuality, I lost my ability to say no because I felt that complying even if I was uncomfortable but just not saying it was how relationships were meant to go, but it's not. And go ahead and tell me that this is too much info to share and that you don't care. Go ahead and tell me that it's just hormones and that I'm overdramatizing a common experience. But you'll never know how it feels, NOT A BIT
