I've been thinking about this a lot recently... (1 Viewer)

[potato]

Hey guys, tato here ^^ It's been a while since I've been on the forums so some people might not know me but I used to be a pretty active member of this forum until around mid 2020.

KS was a little escape bubble for me, just like it probably is for most of you. Finding this forum in May 2019 when I felt like my life was falling apart was probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me. The friends and memories I made here are immeasurable. And they always will be. KS was a place where I could express myself and my interests freely with no judgement. This place was a beautiful hidden utopia in a small corner of the internet. For at least a solid year, I was living a dream. There were certain moments which were very 'real' and hostile but I feel like I simply brushed over them with only the idea of 'utopia' in mind.

I think I failed to realise my relationships with people were not quite as 'beautiful' as I thought they were - at least not 'beautiful' in the way I saw it at that time. I joined this forum at a time when I thought everyone in the real world hated me, even my close irl friends. My self esteem was extremely low (it's still low but it was rock bottom at the time). KS gave me the comfort I needed. I know this might sound quite negative but it gave me the 'validation' to improve my self esteem in the long term- well, at least rise above the lowest point. Knowing my friends on KS treasured me when I didn't even know if my irl friends did: that feeling of mutual love was what made me stay and improve my relationships with my in real life friends too.

But then I encountered certain things that made me confused. These feelings and knowledge were like an itch at the back of my mind that wouldn't go away. It was nothing explicitly to do with KS, but some of the people I knew. What kind of disgusted me was I wanted to maintain a good relationship with them despite feeling uncomfortable of the things I had heard about them and knew were true. I still had this brainwashed idea of a 'utopia' in my mind and that's when I knew what I was doing to myself was unhealthy. I ended up seeking solace in reality rather than online. Which just felt weird and still does because many people do the exact opposite.

This all just feels kind of unreal to me because I imagined myself being on KS for a long time, for years and years. But it's a journey that's coming to an end in only a year and a half. There have been many ups and downs with my time here but I've enjoyed and learned so much. When I used to ponder during my 'dream days' what I would do if I ever left (I had no thoughts of doing it at the time), it was always going to be an abrupt thing. I would tell a few close people and then just leave. I wouldn't want to make some long, flashy thread to say goodbye. But here I am, doing precisely that lol. I just feel like I've had such a journey this year and the last. I wanted to be able to share my true, real experiences with all of you guys. After all, that is why I joined KS in the first place.

So if you've actually managed to get this far, first of all: thank you. It means a lot to me that you've taken the time to read my post. I will miss this place dearly.

Goodbye,
tato <3

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[OnlyCalB]

I guess people have their reason for leaving a certain place (in this case KS), but it always sucks.

It was nice having you here tato! Maybe one day, you do decide to come back.

 

[Tickita]

Take care (< this looks like a potato to me so)

 

[SHlNEE]

No idea who you are but I want to be kind
So I'll make wendy say goodbye to you

Take good care of yourself

 

[dnb]

Potato!

Good luck and goodbye!

 

[JakeyWantsCakey]

You've already deactivated your account but bye anyway fellow Yoda fam!