MORAL DILEMMA (1 Viewer)

[Lovely_Cornchips]

So I think everyone can agree there are different emotions that people feel and when someone pisses you off you tend to rant about it to your friends. Well, there is a co-worker at my job who basically everyone else can't stand. It's not like he's a monster or anything but he's really unlikeable and he seems to think anytime someone is mean to him or rude because he just grinds everyone the wrong way that we are being mean to him and that he did nothing to instigate it.

Well anyway, I think it's kind of normal to rant to your friends when someone pisses you off. You can rant about someone without having ill intentions. Most of the time it's just to blow off some steam you know? So the main issue is my one co-worker was ranting to me about something he did that was honestly him overstepping and saying something he shouldn't and how it really pissed her off. Her and I walked out into the hall and he happened to be there but she didn't realize it so I made a noise telling her to be quiet. She went quiet, and I changed the subject.

Well anyway, he overheard part of that conversation and today while I was alone with him he brought it up and said he knows we were shit talking him. I apologized of course because I do feel kind of bad for the dude, he's the only co-worker that NONE of us get along with and in a sense he has to feel that a bit??

But at the same time would you consider what she was doing shit talking? Or was it just considered that because he overheard it?

Is it something to apologize for as well?

What is your take on it and have you ever been in a similar situation? Keep in mind in this I was just listening to her rant-though I can say I've ranted about him a fair amount myself. I just don't think he knows it.

Also, the moral dilemma for me is that I do feel bad that he overheard it and that it upset him but also I don't think it's really wrong to rant out of frustration.

 

[igloo]

As someone who's heard others shit talking them before, it makes the other person seem like a total dick. i don't have much to say on the specific scenario but what i will say is that it's better to sort issues out personally or just let things go.

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

As someone who's heard others shit talking them before, it makes the other person seem like a total dick. i don't have much to say on the specific scenario but what i will say is that it's better to sort issues out personally or just let things go.

To put it a bit more in perspective he once ranted to someone about me snapping at him after he said something rude to me. He said I said something mean to her and she snapped back. He said it like I was the one in the wrong and was thinking of going to our boss over it-when he started it.

I know this seems really childish. But given that this is the way he reacts to people snapping back at him when he says something or does something rude then I doubt talking to him one on one about how rude and condescending he is will do much?

I don't know if that helps at all but that is his personality for some more perspective.

Also, I'm leaving this job soon so I guess it doesn't matter for me. OH I also forgot that the girl who was ranting told our boss before that she can't work with him and so our boss knows that she can't really stand him. However, all of us stepping forward to say the same thing might cause more issues for our boss rather than solving anything.

 

[Mew]

my question is do the coworkers straight up tell him what bothers them about him when he does something wrong or do they just hold in and just vent it out else where?

if they do the latter nothing really will change tbh. Cause maybe he doesn't realise he unlikeable because of things he does cause no tells him straight up.

which is common people will pussyfoot around the facing issue and both parties end up annoyed.

be easier for people to say I don't like you because of this and that and don't associate with them unless its purely work related and be civil really.

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

my question is do the coworkers straight up tell him what bothers them about him when he does something wrong or do they just hold in and just vent it out else where?

if they do the latter nothing really will change tbh. Cause maybe he doesn't realise he unlikeable because of things he does cause no tells him straight up.

which is common people will pussyfoot around the facing issue and both parties end up annoyed.

be easier for people to say I don't like you because of this and that and don't associate with them unless its purely work related and be civil really.

The problem is he once admitted to being mean to me and then got upset when I snapped back. He isn't much for getting that he might be the problem.

And forgot to post it in the OP but the co-worker who was ranting about him has to deal with him more than I do and our boss even knows she does not want to work with him so they tend to not work alone. The incident she was ranting about was something he did in another work setting.

But yeah, a lot of the problems stem from him not seeing that he is an issue even though he seems to admit he is mean and rude to some of us. In particular me. And as said above as well, our boss wouldn't know what to do if we all came to her saying we can't or don't want to work with him.

 

[jasque]

I agree with you.

It's not something to be proud of, but it's something everyone else does.

You either give your opinion on how the guy sucks or they think you are weird for being too quiet.

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

I agree with you.

It's not something to be proud of, but it's something everyone else does.

You either give your opinion on how the guy sucks or they think you are weird for being too quiet.

I mean I didn't even voice my opinion while he was there, to be honest. Usually, when we rant we are talking about something all of us have experienced with him at least once. Also, don't get me wrong, while we all can't stand him he isn't always someone I can't stand. Like today besides the whole talking to me about it thing, I was fine with him. We were joking and yeah.

He isn't completely horrible, however, more often then not he's starting stuff with others then getting upset when you clap back or snap or tell him to stop.

 

[jasque]

I mean I didn't even voice my opinion while he was there, to be honest. Usually, when we rant we are talking about something all of us have experienced with him at least once. Also, don't get me wrong, while we all can't stand him he isn't always someone I can't stand. Like today besides the whole talking to me about it thing, I was fine with him. We were joking and yeah.

He isn't completely horrible, however, more often then not he's starting stuff with others then getting upset when you clap back or snap or tell him to stop.

I see.

We can just hope he'll eventually forget it.

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

I see.

We can just hope he'll eventually forget it.

The girl he overheard ranting is going to talk to our boss about it. So we'll have to see what results from it.

 

[Mangoey]

I'd consider it shittalking even if he didnt overhear you. But I only really find shittalking to be a problem if youre talking about someone youre friends with cause in that situation you guys should be able to talk to each other.

But with this coworker, that doesn't seem to be the case. Everyone has people they like and dont like and everyone shittalks. Id say you should just stick to your apology and let it go. If you want, you can tell him about how he makes people in the place feel since thats the only way anything will change, but it's not really your job to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Good luck with it though chips

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

I'd consider it shittalking even if he didnt overhear you. But I only really find shittalking to be a problem if youre talking about someone youre friends with cause in that situation you guys should be able to talk to each other.

But with this coworker, that doesn't seem to be the case. Everyone has people they like and dont like and everyone shittalks. Id say you should just stick to your apology and let it go. If you want, you can tell him about how he makes people in the place feel since thats the only way anything will change, but it's not really your job to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Good luck with it though chips

Thanks Mangoey <3

 

[perhapz]

I'd consider it shittalking even if he didnt overhear you. But I only really find shittalking to be a problem if youre talking about someone youre friends with cause in that situation you guys should be able to talk to each other.

But with this coworker, that doesn't seem to be the case. Everyone has people they like and dont like and everyone shittalks. Id say you should just stick to your apology and let it go. If you want, you can tell him about how he makes people in the place feel since thats the only way anything will change, but it's not really your job to make sure everything goes smoothly.

I was gonna say almost the exactly same thing, so I'll just second this.
Good luck in this whole situation. :~

 

[Administrator2]

Well it depends what was said, can't really say much without the context.

 

[blueberries]

It does sound like both actually, like I can see both yours and your friends and his point of view.

I have gotten myself in few situation where people were talking bad about me behind my back and it's pretty disheartening and just disappointing. If you already know these people dislike you and you them not as much issue, but if you actually thought they were fine with you or neutral it can be pretty awful thing. There is also another case that happened in high school, two of the girls were ranting or well shit-talking about their friend who happened to be my friend also, and that was like most awful thing sitting there to be hearing. I didn't bring it up to my friend since I know how much those things can hurt and seriously I wouldn't have had any clue how to do that either. But yes shortly it does suck and hurts when people talk behind your back and I'd rather not know, ignorance is bliss ^^;

In other hand not everyone gets along and I get that certain people get on someone's nerves and you want to rant about someone out of frustration and blowing off steam sometimes. And i think everyone is fault of doing that sometimes, also includes gossiping. But at certain point it can come off as bad taste even if other doesn't hear, makes me often quite uncomfortable. And with co-workers it would be probably best to save these rants on private setting cause they can cause unnecessary trouble and drama ^^;

So I don't think it can be avoided completely, but it's kinda shit-talking if it's done behind someone's back regardless and I think it was good to apologize.

 

[Sory]

I agree with you. You have had already a lot of POV so I won’t write a long paragraph. Venting is totally normal, everyone does it. But , speaking generally, I am a firm believer that everything you say during those moments, you should be able to be upfront and tell it to the person’s face too when the moment is right. In that case, you weren’t the one talking but it was right of you to at least apologize to him. It shows you’re sensitive to other people’s feelings. That’s a good quality.