So I Have These And I Wanna Know... (1 Viewer)

[YouNiceKeepGoin]

If You Like Them?

I Have Two Stories i created and i wanna here your thoughts on them and if i should contuine them or not?

Spoiler: The Rain

I sang and the crowd cheered when i was done but one person caught me eye....
He looked at me and smiled....'beautiful' was the first think that ran through my mind....
but then he left.....and i sudendly came back to reality my tears fell and the rain poured...
The rain falls fast like my tears, 'Why? Why would you do this?'
I cried at the thought of Him the one who broke me...
My heart was in pain as i climb higher and higher 'i hate you..' .....
I got to the top and stood in the rain at the edge '..but i can't help but love you..'
i was about to fall when someone hugged my waist and whispered in my ear, 'Don't do it..'....
'..Don't leave me...' he said, 'Why can't i leave? This world is heartless and i don't wanna be in it anymore..'....
"If you leave i will miss you, and your smile, the world just needs brighter people like you, please come with me.." i looked up at the sky and then at the city below, "Whats so speacil about me? Why should i come with you?"....
"You are the most beautiful thing that i have ever met please stay with me..." i nodded. he then pulled me off the edge, turned me around and hugged me, "Please never do that again.." i just hugged him tighter....
We pulled a part and he smiled at me, "Wanna go get some coffee with me?" i shook my head, "I don't like coffee how about Tea?~" he chuckled, "Of course my lady!~" he reached his hand out to me....
I Took his hand, "Yes my Sir..?" he giggled, "Call me, Tae....." I Smiled to him, "Okay Tae~ Lets get some Sweet Tae!~" He just laughed and we walked to the nearest fast food place, 'Rain was once the sadest thing to me, but now..i love it...'
We sat down and asked for towls, where talking when the waiter came over and gave us some towls, we dried our seleves and i started to dry my hair when Tae leaned over and grabed the towl, "Your doing it wrong let me help." He stood up and walked over to me, he started to dry my hair, and i blushed while smiling.
He smiled and sat back down when he was done,"Aww are you blushing!?" i went even reder, "Ya! No!!!" i pout. He smiled and chuckled...'He's perfect..'

~Next One~

Spoiler: Cheery Blossom

I walked through the park as i listen to my music...
i was looking down when he called my name.....
i looked up only to see his smiling face....
He smiled and the wind blew the flowers around us, i have never felt more in love...
He walked to me and i got nervous as always.....
I smiled as He hugged me "I've missed you.." was all he said before hugging tighter...
i chuckled "I missed you too, Cat Boy" He laughed and pulled away "Ya! That was once! And like forever ago!" i laughed 'I really missed you.....'....
We laughed when he grabbed my hand and started to run, "I wanna show you something!" He draged me to a epmety buliding and took out some keys "what is this place?" i asked looking around......
He smiled brightly to me, "Our new place..." i looked at him confused, "What do you mean Our new place?" he opened the door and took me inside.....
It was the most beautiful place i've seen, the decorations are amazing and the banner....the banner!?! i looked at Him, and He smiled while on one knee, "Would you marry me?~" i smiled and started to tear up, "Yes!~ A Thosand Times Yes!~"......
He pick me up and spun me, When he put me down he put the ring on my finger and kissed me, when we pulled away he put his forhead against mine.."I Love you.." i smiled "I love you too..." he then smirked "Then lets skip to the honeymoon..hmm how kids where you hoping for~" i gasped and hit his shoulder "Yoongi!"

So What do you think? Should i countie them? start a new one? which do you like better?
I Hope You Have A Wonderful day!~ Luv Chu!~​

 

[potato]

I think they're both very sweet stories and the dialogue doesn't feel awkward at all. I also love how the weather reflects her feelings/the mood of the beginning of the story - it's called pathetic fallacy. Overall, I think it's really nicely written ^^

Just a small piece of criticism though: I would try and add in a bit more detail about the surroundings. For the first one, I had to read it through twice because the setting suddenly changed from her singing to her climbing up some sort of building and I was a bit confused. Adding in that extra detail can really help a reader visualise what's going on. You could even describe the characters a bit more, maybe about the girl's drenched hair and clothes in the first one or the man's clothes in the second one. Those are just examples though.

And I think you should totally continue writing them. After all, it's your story and if you think you're passionate enough about them to keep going, you should totally go for it <3

 

[eclipsoul]

as cringeworthy as fanfics can be sometimes, these two actually sound cute :) have a great day as well!

 

[YouNiceKeepGoin]

I think they're both very sweet stories and the dialogue doesn't feel awkward at all. I also love how the weather reflects her feelings/the mood of the beginning of the story - it's called pathetic fallacy. Overall, I think it's really nicely written ^^

Just a small piece of criticism though: I would try and add in a bit more detail about the surroundings. For the first one, I had to read it through twice because the setting suddenly changed from her singing to her climbing up some sort of building and I was a bit confused. Adding in that extra detail can really help a reader visualise what's going on. You could even describe the characters a bit more, maybe about the girl's drenched hair and clothes in the first one or the man's clothes in the second one. Those are just examples though.

And I think you should totally continue writing them. After all, it's your story and if you think you're passionate enough about them to keep going, you should totally go for it <3

Yeah i trird to make it seem as though she was having a flask back, Thank you for the feed back!~ Luv Chu!~