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T.O.P opens up about solo endevours after Big Bang comeback, mental health/suicide, and his passion for art in an interview with Prestige earlier this week.
. . .
He openly discussed his passion for art, which he calls his driving force. Then, just days before our interview, the news broke: BIGBANG would be making their long-awaited comeback with a new single, and T.O.P would be ending his 16-year contract with their label.
“This is a time to leap to the next stage of my career and life,” he says with a smile. Choi’s ambitions are bigger than ever. And this is just the beginning.
. . .
“This is the first time I’ve spoken this publicly, but I did try to commit suicide about five years ago,” says Choi, looking away, his voice lowering. “I realised later how much hurt and painful memories I gave to the people around me, my family and fans out there.
“Actually, I was going to seriously stop making music and stop being a musician. But during the bad times, the rough times, my motivation to keep going was the music. I wrote more than 100 songs over the past five years. It’s been my motivation, like wanting to fill up a bookshelf with my work. It’s been my passion. I realised how precious it is to pay back what I’ve received,” he says. “I feel that I’m reborn.”
“Since I was young I’ve suffered from depression, but by looking at beautiful things, especially art, I feel relaxed, I feel relieved,” says Choi. He admits he’s always felt a strong connection with his emotions.
“I was born to be sad,” he says with a laugh. “I’ve felt extra sensitive compared to other kids since I was young. I knew it and felt it, and spent more time and more effort to get over it by spending time with art.”
. . .
“I believe that having the most unique art in my collection will inspire me to make the most unique music,” says Choi. “Art is my breakthrough. The visual inspiration and energy received from art stimulates me and becomes the driving force that moves me in new ways.”
As music afforded him the opportunity to collect art, it’s the art that gives him the inspiration to create more music. And as music lit the way through the darkest period of his life, it’s no stretch to say that we have art to thank for Choi being with us today.
. . .
“The K-pop system,” he says. “I myself am fortunate that I only spent less than a year as a trainee before I debuted — a relatively short time — but after, I saw all the trainees, the boys and girls, they’re under a very harsh system. They’re told what to do and trained just like robots. They might get popular, they might get bigger, but in their heart and in ways we can’t see, they’re being isolated, and feel lonely inside.”
The feeling is one that he can clearly relate to. His solution? A new kind of record company. “I don’t want to be a robot maker,” says Choi. “I want to make a real artist and help real artists. I’m positive about making a group that’s completely different from BIGBANG in the future.”
With some 16 years of experience in the business, it’s safe to say he knows what he’s talking about.
. . .
“Being super honest with the fans, I really don’t want to say this is my last,” he says. “But even more frankly, it might be a long while until I come back as T.O.P of BIGBANG. Over those five years, our music tastes and activities probably differed a lot, and now BIGBANG music and T.O.P’s music are quite different. I’m at the stage in my life where I want to awaken to fresh new challenges, stimuli and transition.”
He leaves open the possibility of a future reunion, adding that he loves his band, and has a personal connection with each of the members.
“I’ve been saying to my fans since my debut that I’ve been planning to come back with a solo album sometime in the future, whenever I feel ready. Now, I feel ready,” he says. “My first album will come out soon, and it will be my very first journey of sharing who I really am.”
. . .
He openly discussed his passion for art, which he calls his driving force. Then, just days before our interview, the news broke: BIGBANG would be making their long-awaited comeback with a new single, and T.O.P would be ending his 16-year contract with their label.
“This is a time to leap to the next stage of my career and life,” he says with a smile. Choi’s ambitions are bigger than ever. And this is just the beginning.
. . .
“This is the first time I’ve spoken this publicly, but I did try to commit suicide about five years ago,” says Choi, looking away, his voice lowering. “I realised later how much hurt and painful memories I gave to the people around me, my family and fans out there.
“Actually, I was going to seriously stop making music and stop being a musician. But during the bad times, the rough times, my motivation to keep going was the music. I wrote more than 100 songs over the past five years. It’s been my motivation, like wanting to fill up a bookshelf with my work. It’s been my passion. I realised how precious it is to pay back what I’ve received,” he says. “I feel that I’m reborn.”
“Since I was young I’ve suffered from depression, but by looking at beautiful things, especially art, I feel relaxed, I feel relieved,” says Choi. He admits he’s always felt a strong connection with his emotions.
“I was born to be sad,” he says with a laugh. “I’ve felt extra sensitive compared to other kids since I was young. I knew it and felt it, and spent more time and more effort to get over it by spending time with art.”
. . .
“I believe that having the most unique art in my collection will inspire me to make the most unique music,” says Choi. “Art is my breakthrough. The visual inspiration and energy received from art stimulates me and becomes the driving force that moves me in new ways.”
As music afforded him the opportunity to collect art, it’s the art that gives him the inspiration to create more music. And as music lit the way through the darkest period of his life, it’s no stretch to say that we have art to thank for Choi being with us today.
. . .
“The K-pop system,” he says. “I myself am fortunate that I only spent less than a year as a trainee before I debuted — a relatively short time — but after, I saw all the trainees, the boys and girls, they’re under a very harsh system. They’re told what to do and trained just like robots. They might get popular, they might get bigger, but in their heart and in ways we can’t see, they’re being isolated, and feel lonely inside.”
The feeling is one that he can clearly relate to. His solution? A new kind of record company. “I don’t want to be a robot maker,” says Choi. “I want to make a real artist and help real artists. I’m positive about making a group that’s completely different from BIGBANG in the future.”
With some 16 years of experience in the business, it’s safe to say he knows what he’s talking about.
. . .
“Being super honest with the fans, I really don’t want to say this is my last,” he says. “But even more frankly, it might be a long while until I come back as T.O.P of BIGBANG. Over those five years, our music tastes and activities probably differed a lot, and now BIGBANG music and T.O.P’s music are quite different. I’m at the stage in my life where I want to awaken to fresh new challenges, stimuli and transition.”
He leaves open the possibility of a future reunion, adding that he loves his band, and has a personal connection with each of the members.
“I’ve been saying to my fans since my debut that I’ve been planning to come back with a solo album sometime in the future, whenever I feel ready. Now, I feel ready,” he says. “My first album will come out soon, and it will be my very first journey of sharing who I really am.”
Source: Digital Cover Story: T.O.P is Back – A Star Reborn
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