there's this guy at work.. (1 Viewer)

[kodoku]

He is good & decent, very hardworking, and intelligent too. I don't know him too well, but I believe he's a good person. However, he makes me sad and drives me mad tbh... because he is always coldly saying, as if stating simple facts, that humans are useless trash, or for example that he is dead inside and doesn't care... He says the saddest things and everyone just laughs along, but to me, it's so sad... I think he is in pain without realizing it. I think he's in this frozen state and I truly relate and understand the things he sometimes says, but there's nothing I can do and no way for me to reach him. It's just.. hard to explain.. it's like he's fine with existing like this, so empty. I wonder if he knows at all, if he somewhere deep down realizes anything about himself or if he's truly okay like this :// which made me think even more how I am lingering in this world and my heart is only numbly beating when I actually never really feel alive, everything I do is mostly automatic and because I have to or I'm supposed to.. and I hate that, I want to wake up my own self somehow >_<

how about you guys? do you really feel alive? when's the last time you did? and if you don't, why do you think it's that way?

 

[kuro]

I think there comes a point in everybody's life where they shut down for a bit. It may be because of a great tragedy, or a traumatic experience, or simply a defense mechanism, but like you explained it, they are in this "frozen state." you are very much alive, functioning normally, but you don't feel like it. your thoughts and memories become cold. emotions become nonexistent. if you were before compassionate and kind, you might not even care about other people's feelings anymore. you are in no state to take care of anyone, not even yourself.

I wish it was as easy to blink quick, or pop your ears and suddenly be living in the real world, like it happens in movies when people blank out for a second. The only way I can describe this feeling is "watching your life play out as a movie." since I was a child, I've always felt at certain times, I was watching myself on a TV screen. but after a few seconds I'd be back in the real world.

I don't know how that happened to me, but for me, it was a defense mechanism from my mom. I could pretend the fact that she didn't care about me was scripted, it was TV, none of this was happening to me. but I realized that hiding was not an option, and I got back motivation to start living my life and stop pretending it didn't exist. it's hard to explain, but I get what you're saying.

this is way longer than expected

 

[kodoku]

I think there comes a point in everybody's life where they shut down for a bit. It may be because of a great tragedy, or a traumatic experience, or simply a defense mechanism, but like you explained it, they are in this "frozen state." you are very much alive, functioning normally, but you don't feel like it. your thoughts and memories become cold. emotions become nonexistent. if you were before compassionate and kind, you might not even care about other people's feelings anymore. you are in no state to take care of anyone, not even yourself.

I wish it was as easy to blink quick, or pop your ears and suddenly be living in the real world, like it happens in movies when people blank out for a second. The only way I can describe this feeling is "watching your life play out as a movie." since I was a child, I've always felt at certain times, I was watching myself on a TV screen. but after a few seconds I'd be back in the real world.

I don't know how that happened to me, but for me, it was a defense mechanism from my mom. I could pretend the fact that she didn't care about me was scripted, it was TV, none of this was happening to me. but I realized that hiding was not an option, and I got back motivation to start living my life and stop pretending it didn't exist. it's hard to explain, but I get what you're saying.

this is way longer than expected

aw kuro-chan <3 what you're saying is so interesting and relatable, you described it really well... it's a frozen state indeed, but the problem is when you don't realize you're in it like he doesn't... :/ I hope I find something or someone to make my heart pound, to make me feel, and excited again.. I hope the same for him because like I said, he's a good guy.. and I'm glad you seem to have moved on from that state :)

 

[kuro]

aw kuro-chan <3 what you're saying is so interesting and relatable, you described it really well... it's a frozen state indeed, but the problem is when you don't realize you're in it like he doesn't... :/ I hope I find something or someone to make my heart pound, to make me feel, and excited again.. I hope the same for him because like I said, he's a good guy.. and I'm glad you seem to have moved on from that state :)

<333
yeah, if you realize it, you can get help, but if you are in a state of denial, or are simply oblivious, then nothing will help you until you help yourself by figuring out there's something wrong with you. both of you will find something, life doesn't go on like this eternally. I assume going to a therapist would also work, but in my scenario, I couldn't go to my parents for professional help. thank you, I hope you move on too. it's horrible being trapped like that.

 

[kodoku]

<333
yeah, if you realize it, you can get help, but if you are in a state of denial, or are simply oblivious, then nothing will help you until you help yourself by figuring out there's something wrong with you. both of you will find something, life doesn't go on like this eternally. I assume going to a therapist would also work, but in my scenario, I couldn't go to my parents for professional help. thank you, I hope you move on too. it's horrible being trapped like that.

true.. I just wish better for all of us, to be able to loudly and carelessly laugh, to be silly, to love fearlessly.....things like that hehe but sometimes I feel like I've reached the point of no return and changed in a bad way, like those abilities have been taken by the people and things who hurt me. I'll find out someday I guess, I'll keep searching and trying.. :)

 

[kuro]

true.. I just wish better for all of us, to be able to loudly and carelessly laugh, to be silly, to love fearlessly.....things like that hehe but sometimes I feel like I've reached the point of no return and changed in a bad way, like those abilities have been taken by the people and things who hurt me. I'll find out someday I guess, I'll keep searching and trying.. :)

I wish that for all of us, but no matter how we try, some people cannot be helped. please don't say that, you can't give them the power of control over you. please keep searching, something out there will change your channel :)

 

[Mew]

Well I raised uptil to this point in survival and struggle I suppose. I've always had to be responsible for someone or something.. However i managed to live a triple life so to speak, while battle with personal demons and unfortunate family and home circumstances, I was the organised strong one taking care of my family and I was socialising living my life to an extent as that was the easier part to do especially as a distraction of what waited for me at home, however I was only available to do this from 16 to maybe 19, before one or teo took over I suppose, before this age there was nothing but pain and sadness due various things and over protective mentally ill mother who hurt me more than anything.
Feeling empty is somewhat normal for me is not that I haven't tried to feel happy it just isn't what is it for me especially at the moment.. I just don't click that way really, theres some people that can lighten my spirit but It doesn't last long enough to make a permenant change in me, most likely its because I have things I need to do and as well as want to do (if I didn't want to do them I would just give up plain and simple) so I'm still stuck in a survival mode as I can't Really settle yet. There's alot of things within my personality that can't really be satisfied for multiple reasons, most of which are contradictory to the other things in my personality which makes it more complicated.
Im somewhat content with feeling the way I feel about certain things, cause I know I'm doing what I want to do to a degree.
Im mainly empty which is actually comforting to me as it's something I'm very comfortable with but theres glimmers of hope and possible fufillment which isn't so bad either.
Im content with it all but I know I'm not happy but I'm fine that too... Its complicated lol

 

[kodoku]

Well I raised uptil to this point in survival and struggle I suppose. I've always had to be responsible for someone or something.. However i managed to live a triple life so to speak, while battle with personal demons and unfortunate family and home circumstances, I was the organised strong one taking care of my family and I was socialising living my life to an extent as that was the easier part to do especially as a distraction of what waited for me at home, however I was only available to do this from 16 to maybe 19, before one or teo took over I suppose, before this age there was nothing but pain and sadness due various things and over protective mother who hurt me more than anything.
Feeling empty is somewhat normal for me is not that I haven't tried to feel happy it just isn't what is it for me especially at the moment.. I just don't click that way really, theres some people that can lighten my spirit but I doesn't last long enough to make a permenant change in me, most likely its because I have things I need to do and as well as want to do (if I didn't want to do them I would just give up plain and simple) so I'm still stuck in a survival mode as I can't Really settle yet. There's alot of things within my personality that can't really be satisfied for multiple reason, most of which are contradictory to the other things in my personality which makes it more complicated.
Im somewhat content with feeling the way I feel about certain things, cause I know I'm doing what I want to do to a degree.
Im mainly empty which is actually comforting to me as it's something I'm very comfortable with but there glimmers of hope and possible fufillment which isn't so bad either.
Im content with it all but I know I'm not happy but I'm fine that too... Its complicated lol

sounds like a tough life and like you did really well, actually.. I think you explained this well too because I'm able to understand and relate. Hopefully we can find happiness someday soon :)

 

[potato]

Sometimes, I feel like I don't deserve to exist. Like my very being is a waste of space. There could have been someone more intelligent, more motivated and more beautiful than me. But sometimes, I feel so alive it's impossible to describe the feeling. I want to take a picture of that moment and encapture all the feelings that I felt so I can enjoy them forever. I feel like it would be a waste if I wasn't alive to experience all those emotions.

It's a complicated feeling that's so hard to desribe. I'm not sure how to put it into words. But it changes as fast so fast and quickly, I don't even realise it. But those small memories that make me feel alive are what keep me going. They're my foundation and I don't think I would be able to be happy without them. They define me as a person and they're moments that I'll treasure forever. Being alive is a wonderful feeling. More people need to realise that. Including me.

 

[kodoku]

Sometimes, I feel like I don't deserve to exist. Like my very being is a waste of space. There could have been someone more intelligent, more motivated and more beautiful than me. But sometimes, I feel so alive it's impossible to describe the feeling. I want to take a picture of that moment and encapture all the feelings that I felt so I can enjoy them forever. I feel like it would be a waste if I wasn't alive to experience all those emotions.

It's a complicated feeling that's so hard to desribe. I'm not sure how to put it into words. But it changes as fast so fast and quickly, I don't even realise it. But those small memories that make me feel alive are what keep me going. They're my foundation and I don't think I would be able to be happy without them. They define me as a person and they're moments that I'll treasure forever. Being alive is a wonderful feeling. More people need to realise that. Including me.

omg what a beautiful soul saying such beautiful words

 

[FaceMcShooty]

Most of the time I feel a bit high. Right now I made coffee and the smell is wonderful, never gets old. I love the color of my bedsheets, it matches my desk lamp and the lighting is great. I do 60 pushups in the morning. I love bananas, great fruit. And cats, great animal. I know when to zoom in and when to zoom out, far far away from planet Earth and see a beautiful celestial body from above. Visit NASA's site, it's very cool! I don't do drugs, btw.

 

[kodoku]

Most of the time I feel a bit high. Right now I made coffee and the smell is wonderful, never gets old. I love the color of my bedsheets, it matches my desk lamp and the lighting is great. I do 60 pushups in the morning. I love bananas, great fruit. And cats, great animal. I know when to zoom in and when to zoom out, far far away from planet Earth and see a beautiful celestial body from above. Visit NASA's site, it's very cool! I don't do drugs, btw.

lol that's amazing haha. Also, I just realized I never properly looked at your dp and I always thought your username was something like "shoot me in the face"

 

[FaceMcShooty]

lol that's amazing haha. Also, I just realized I never properly looked at your dp and I always thought your username was something like "shoot me in the face"

Spoiler

It is a Borderlands reference, this character, I love him!

Spoiler

Btw, I'm someone's alt, but no one has figured it out yet, and I find is amazing!
If you now know which user I am, dm me

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler

It is a Borderlands reference, this character, I love him!

Spoiler

Btw, I'm someone's alt, but no one has figured it out yet, and I find is amazing!
If you now know which user I am, dm me

haha he is so funny and I have no idea lol

 

[yeji]

My emotions vary quite alot. I am usually bubbly and full of spirit, easy to get excited for anything. There are also times I don’t want to do anything at all, when I just want to feel nothing.

 

[FaceMcShooty]

haha he is so funny and I have no idea lol

Spoiler

Actually... now that I think about it... We probably interacted more on this account than my main one

 

[jasque]

Biggest challenge in life is accepting we are going to die some day and we can't know which will be the circumstances.

Your fella is just more vocal about it but I think many people feel like him inside most of the time, sadly.

We shouldn't let bad thoughts consume us, specially because life isn't eternal and we better use our time trying our best to not let stress and bad feelings control our minds. Best way of doing it is thinking more of pleasant stuff instead imo.

We waste too much time trying to find a fix to what can't be fixed by us alone anyway, so why bother.

We're in this together