recently or over the years, as you matured or whatever...... ?
I think I've really been understanding it more deeply recently, something I've already thought since long ago.. something I never wanted to say, and even now I just hate it so much.. but maybe being good is not a good thing.. if you're gonna get used this much, be abused and kicked around, and end up in not only situations that make you completely miserable and scar you so badly, but are actually dangerous and harmful to your well being, even physical.... what is the use? and I'm not saying you should be good to get something out of it, not at all.. but if these are the things that come with it, then I should change.. I guess being kind, at least in the way I am, is a fatal flaw in a world like this, with such people.. I've been doing it wrong apparently but if being like that is the proper way of living, I have even less interest.. I find that so messed up, but I'm just too naive.. idk if I deserve another chance