Sensitive When will I feel in control of my life? (1 Viewer)

[Day]

I've been having a hard time lately, for a number of reasons. I keep doing my best, but I keep getting knocked backward. For the older KS users, when did you start feeling in control of your life?

I can't even trace back my spiraling because I've been grinding for so long now. From working full time to going back to school to finishing my Associate's to almost killing myself in December of 2023 to starting school again to graduating to not being able to sustain myself, and even in this moment.

There's this Chinese proverb, 'Maybe so. Maybe not. We'll see." that I turn to in dark times like this. But, aren't I allowed to feel disheartened? When all that you work toward is destroyed in a split moment, it gets tiresome rebuilding time and time again. I know that without hope, I will be doomed, so I can't give up... but I am so tired.


Maybe so. Maybe not. We'll see.

" There is a Chinese Proverb that goes something like this…

A farmer and his son had a beloved stallion who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away and their neighbors exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild mares back to the farm as well. The neighbors shouted out, “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the mares and she threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. The villagers cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town, recruiting all the able-bodied boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son, still recovering from his injury. Friends shouted, “Your boy is spared, what tremendous luck!” To which the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

The moral of this story, is, of course, that no event, in and of itself, can truly be judged as good or bad, lucky or unlucky, fortunate or unfortunate, but that only time will tell the whole story. Additionally, no one really lives long enough to find out the ‘whole story,’ so it could be considered a great waste of time to judge minor inconveniences as misfortunes or to invest tons of energy into things that look outstanding on the surface, but may not pay off in the end.

The wiser thing, then, is to live life in moderation, keeping as even a temperament as possible, taking all things in stride, whether they originally appear to be ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Life is much more comfortable and comforting if we merely accept what we’re given and make the best of our life circumstances. Rather than always having to pass judgement on things and declare them as good or bad, it would be better to just sit back and say, “It will be interesting to see what happens.”

"

 

[Villains]

i know that no one's experiences are all entirely the same but the least we can do is try. i've been there. last year was the worst year of my life. almost killed myself twice but i can proudly say, and without reluctance, that i'm happy now and i love living. i don't know when peace will come to you but i can assure you it will. no matter how long it takes and no matter how tired you get in the meantime. but if only you will try to find it.

this might sound terribly cringe but life really isn't about all the big things that happen. sure, those are great. getting a promotion, buying a new house, whatever. but i truly think it's the small moments that are the most meaningful ones because most people overlook them, ignore them. enjoy your morning cup of coffee, the flowers blooming in your backyard, the paint chipping on your door, cause if you live life waiting for something "bigger" and "better" you'll just end up going crazy. if you live life thinking "one day... i'll keep going because 'one day'.." you're sucking the meaning out of your life just for a good ending to it. you will never be happy if you don't let yourself.

and i know that's it hard when you feel like you keep falling flat on your face. it takes a lot of courage to pull yourself out of bed each morning and continue living when you feel like the easiest thing to do is just to, stop. but i always think about people like van gogh and franz kafka who died thinking they were failures, that their work meant absolutely nothing but now look? they're praised all around the world for what they've done and put out. do you want to be that way? i really hope not. there's all sorts of people in the world. even terrible people, people who don't deserve to live, keep on living. and you? i've seen you interact with me and other users here. you are full of love and kindness so show some of that to yourself :)

even if you get knocked backwards, your courage to keep living is proof that you are more capable, more stronger than you think you are.


"You will never be able to experience everything. So please, do poetical justice to your soul and experience yourself." --Albert Camus

 

[Day]

i know that no one's experiences are all entirely the same but the least we can do is try. i've been there. last year was the worst year of my life. almost killed myself twice but i can proudly say, and without reluctance, that i'm happy now and i love living. i don't know when peace will come to you but i can assure you it will. no matter how long it takes and no matter how tired you get in the meantime. but if only you will try to find it.

this might sound terribly cringe but life really isn't about all the big things that happen. sure, those are great. getting a promotion, buying a new house, whatever. but i truly think it's the small moments that are the most meaningful ones because most people overlook them, ignore them. enjoy your morning cup of coffee, the flowers blooming in your backyard, the paint chipping on your door, cause if you live life waiting for something "bigger" and "better" you'll just end up going crazy. if you live life thinking "one day... i'll keep going because 'one day'.." you're sucking the meaning out of your life just for a good ending to it. you will never be happy if you don't let yourself.

and i know that's it hard when you feel like you keep falling flat on your face. it takes a lot of courage to pull yourself out of bed each morning and continue living when you feel like the easiest thing to do is just to, stop. but i always think about people like van gogh and franz kafka who died thinking they were failures, that their work meant absolutely nothing but now look? they're praised all around the world for what they've done and put out. do you want to be that way? i really hope not. there's all sorts of people in the world. even terrible people, people who don't deserve to live, keep on living. and you? i've seen you interact with me and other users here. you are full of love and kindness so show some of that to yourself :)

even if you get knocked backwards, your courage to keep living is proof that you are more capable, more stronger than you think you are.


"You will never be able to experience everything. So please, do poetical justice to your soul and experience yourself." --Albert Camus

what a beautiful response, i appreciate you so much. I've been trying to adapt this mindset as well, telling myself "I can't do anything about [big problem] to fix it right now, so I will just wake up and go to work". I also know that comparison is the thief of joy... and I just want to be happy with myself and by myself... so I hope those moments will come soon. Nothing you said was cringe, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Thank you for grounding me

 

[athenaaa]

I have been there, well that feeling, as it is not totally fair to compare experiences. I often think of this quote from Aristotle:

"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self."

It may not be easy to have control over ones life and I don’t believe there is a timeline. I will be honest and say I have absolutely nothing under control but that is totally okay - we do not have to have it all figured out. We never will. Life is filled with hurdles that we have to overcome. What is important is the growth from these moments. It may be a hard victory but when we learn to accept that we can only do so much and we should be proud of what we do accomplish. I have learned that giving into others expectations of me only hurts myself more. Success for one person could be achieving a certain status while others succeeding could be achieved by just getting through the day. Each are equally important and everyone has their own set of obstacles to overcome. I also think of this saying:

"The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have."

 

[Day]

I have been there, well that feeling, as it is not totally fair to compare experiences. I often think of this quote from Aristotle:

"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self."

It may not be easy to have control over ones life and I don’t believe there is a timeline. I will be honest and say I have absolutely nothing under control but that is totally okay - we do not have to have it all figured out. We never will. Life is filled with hurdles that we have to overcome. What is important is the growth from these moments. It may be a hard victory but when we learn to accept that we can only do so much and we should be proud of what we do accomplish. I have learned that giving into others expectations of me only hurts myself more. Success for one person could be achieving a certain status while others succeeding could be achieved by just getting through the day. Each are equally important and everyone has their own set of obstacles to overcome. I also think of this saying:

"The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have."

I wish that getting through each day was enough for the people around me, but I keep getting affected by their harsh words. I'm just a useless person to them, and it feels like they've made it their life mission to ensure I'm a useless person to myself as well. May things get better for the both of us.

 

[Boyo]

For the older KS users, when did you start feeling in control of your life?

Never. I wish I could give you a good advice, but I myself can’t.
Life isn’t easy, isn’t always pretty and most of the times, it’s not fair. There are lucky people who can tell that they are fully satisfied with their life, but for the most of us, that’s not the case.
I’m not satisfied with my life. I’m not happy. I don’t know how real happiness looks like, how to find it, how to reach it. I don’t know what is it or who is it.
But I have people in my life that I love and there are moments in my life when I get a taste of how happiness feels like. Like, when I travel, I feel free and ‘happy’, that’s my vitamin. Or when I’m with my friends, I also feel that way. But unexpected situations also find me: I often stop to admire the birds’ chirping, which I’m sure looks weird, but I give zero s*it about what people think, because it makes me feel good. What I try to say is that small things also can help mentally, if you are open to it and you can see them.
There is this Hungarian saying: “just go with the flow”, which basically means stop worry about what will happen next, just enjoy the moment, enjoy what is happening right now. Aka live in the present, we can say. I try to live according to that. I enjoy life, even if it’s not nice to me. I only have this one life and no one takes it from me, including myself, ‘life’, fate, sorrow, sadness, luck, whatever. I’m gonna live it.

It’s okay to feel not okay. It’s okay to feel sad, discouraged, bitter and all that. But you will find the courage to go on, you are stronger than you think. Have trust in yourself! You can do it!
Free yourself from all the things which only give you burdens and focus on the things which give you positive impact.
If life is not kind to you, then be kind to yourself.<3

 

[Day]

Never. I wish I could give you a good advice, but I myself can’t.
Life isn’t easy, isn’t always pretty and most of the times, it’s not fair. There are lucky people who can tell that they are fully satisfied with their life, but for the most of us, that’s not the case.
I’m not satisfied with my life. I’m not happy. I don’t know how real happiness looks like, how to find it, how to reach it. I don’t know what is it or who is it.
But I have people in my life that I love and there are moments in my life when I get a taste of how happiness feels like. Like, when I travel, I feel free and ‘happy’, that’s my vitamin. Or when I’m with my friends, I also feel that way. But unexpected situations also find me: I often stop to admire the birds’ chirping, which I’m sure looks weird, but I give zero s*it about what people think, because it makes me feel good. What I try to say is that small things also can help mentally, if you are open to it and you can see them.
There is this Hungarian saying: “just go with the flow”, which basically means stop worry about what will happen next, just enjoy the moment, enjoy what is happening right now. Aka live in the present, we can say. I try to live according to that. I enjoy life, even if it’s not nice to me. I only have this one life and no one takes it from me, including myself, ‘life’, fate, sorrow, sadness, luck, whatever. I’m gonna live it.

It’s okay to feel not okay. It’s okay to feel sad, discouraged, bitter and all that. But you will find the courage to go on, you are stronger than you think. Have trust in yourself! You can do it!
Free yourself from all the things which only give you burdens and focus on the things which give you positive impact.
If life is not kind to you, then be kind to yourself.<3

Thank you very much Boyo

 

[athenaaa]

I wish that getting through each day was enough for the people around me, but I keep getting affected by their harsh words. I'm just a useless person to them, and it feels like they've made it their life mission to ensure I'm a useless person to myself as well. May things get better for the both of us.

I feel the same, it feels like whatever I do is never enough for those around me. But the reality is that their opinions do not matter. I know this is easier said than done. But the have not gone through the same obstacles you have. As you mentioned in the OP, you are pursuing high education, which is already a huge accomplishment. I know it is not much but I wanted to say that I am truly proud of you and how far you have come Often people's expectations for us are them projecting what they wish they had done, or done better.

 

[Day]

I feel the same, it feels like whatever I do is never enough for those around me. But the reality is that their opinions do not matter. I know this is easier said than done. But the have not gone through the same obstacles you have. As you mentioned in the OP, you are pursuing high education, which is already a huge accomplishment. I know it is not much but I wanted to say that I am truly proud of you and how far you have come Often people's expectations for us are them projecting what they wish they had done, or done better.

one day we will meet and I will give you a big hug

 

[Villains]

@Day it won’t let me respond to you since i’m on mobile but you are so welcome :D i hope what i said will help you even if it’s in the tiniest way

 

[Day]

@Day it won’t let me respond to you since i’m on mobile but you are so welcome :D i hope what i said will help you even if it’s in the tiniest way

It really did, thank you so much!

 

[pinkmelodies]

I am nowhere close to having any type of control in my life. The one thing that has helped me is knowing that it is a journey, not a destination. It has made me feel like I don't need to have it all perfect. I also feel like the best days are the hardest ones you overcome. I went back to school after several years of a mental health break that I needed. Within that I found clarity on what direction I want my life to continue.

I just want you know that you have a purpose. All the feelings you have are valid and it's okay to not know how life is going to pan out. Honestly, it's natural to not know. You being here is more than enough.

 

[Horizonshard]

I would say it's when you change the way you think, at least that was it for me. I used to focus on long term things like "I'll graduate in two years" or "I'll get a promotion in another year", and then those things can seem big or overwhelming or too far off or unrealistic.

I had to change it to break things down into smaller more manageable steps. So it turns into "what am I doing next week" or "what am I doing tomorrow", etc.

The best example I can think of would be going to work. I don't wake up and think "I have to go to work". I wake up and focus on getting out of bed, then focus on getting dressed, then on feeding the cats, and so on.

Break everything down to smaller steps that you can feel good having accomplished, and I think it goes a long way to helping feel in control.

 

[Day]

I am nowhere close to having any type of control in my life. The one thing that has helped me is knowing that it is a journey, not a destination. It has made me feel like I don't need to have it all perfect. I also feel like the best days are the hardest ones you overcome. I went back to school after several years of a mental health break that I needed. Within that I found clarity on what direction I want my life to continue.

I just want you know that you have a purpose. All the feelings you have are valid and it's okay to not know how life is going to pan out. Honestly, it's natural to not know. You being here is more than enough.

Thank you so much pink

 

[Day]

I would say it's when you change the way you think, at least that was it for me. I used to focus on long term things like "I'll graduate in two years" or "I'll get a promotion in another year", and then those things can seem big or overwhelming or too far off or unrealistic.

I had to change it to break things down into smaller more manageable steps. So it turns into "what am I doing next week" or "what am I doing tomorrow", etc.

The best example I can think of would be going to work. I don't wake up and think "I have to go to work". I wake up and focus on getting out of bed, then focus on getting dressed, then on feeding the cats, and so on.

Break everything down to smaller steps that you can feel good having accomplished, and I think it goes a long way to helping feel in control.

Thank you so much for the advice

 

[gone4good]

I'm not exaclty "older" Day but I would advise you to live for the moment, never the past, nor the future.
Life's too short to complicate things for yourself. Be who you are to the fullest and seize the opportunities!
Surround yourself with Love and valuable friendship relations. GIVE as much as you TAKE. It's equally soothing and beneficial in my humble opinion. You have many friends in here, there's a reason for that.... they don't need to see or hear you, all they get is from your heart and that's all that matters in life! xoxo

 

[Day]

I'm not exaclty "older" Day but I would advise you to live for the moment, never the past, nor the future.
Life's too short to complicate things for yourself. Be who you are to the fullest and seize the opportunities!
Surround yourself with Love and valuable friendship relations. GIVE as much as you TAKE. It's equally soothing and beneficial in my humble opinion. You have many friends in here, there's a reason for that.... they don't need to see or hear you, all they get is from your heart and that's all that matters in life! xoxo

Thank you friend

 

[Selfmate]

I think the issue with control is that people need to remember there are very few controllable things in our life. We can control the things we do but we can't control how others react to that.

For example in a retail job - you ask someone how their day is and get met with a not bad, a smile or even nothing sometimes they might be rude about it - what's controllable is one's initial action and one's reaction to what the customer responds - for everything else is beyond our control.

even in your own situation @Day with your male friend - it would seem you have tried everything in the sun to get him to take notice but it would seem he is just not that interested. You've done everything within your power (save for asking him directly) and everything beyond that is outside of your control