Sensitive I really don´t understand people ... (social dilemmas) (1 Viewer)

[brekker]

Before you start reading expecting something supperexciting or overly dramatic, please don´t. I simply need to put it all out somewhere and I might be glad to read some different outlooks on the situation. Nothing terrible has happened, but I feel like some people might find online friendships a sensitive topic because of their own reasons.

read this thread for: unnecessary drama, overly dramatic ends of friendships, me being the baddest boo, exo, more drama


Anyway, here is what is bugging me (actually no, that´s the next paragraph): aka thanks for reading, thanks for hearing me out

so I have been on here for almost a year and pretty much people who want to "know" (some less, some more), know that I am an eagerly opinionated person and rather passionate about stuff that I am passionate (like to the level of arguing over Zico cards with Cal because THEY ARE PERFECT AND YOU SHOULD ALL HAVE THEM AND LISTEN TO ZICO AND BLOCK B ALL DAY LONG). I guess you can say I am overlydramatic but if you get to know me a biiiit better I am really chill and not that terrible (I swear ahaha). I just loooooove my boos and if you let me talk about them, I will 24/7 :D. this is an important stuff because i have got my stuff into soooome arguments over the many years of my life OVER TRIVIAL THINGS but I have gotten better, haven´t I?

so story time:

my (internet) friend was telling me how she likes kpop and yadadada and we came to the topic of Street Dance of China (I love Lay and Wang Yibo ♥) and I was really excited because .. I like Lay and Wang Yibo :D.... and told her so. she said she HATES Lay and Chanyeol. sooo I kinda love both of them :D. they are not my biases (hello Baekhyun, Kai and Xiumin ♥) but you know I genuinely love them. so I asked her why and she said that they are both fake. now listen, we all know that as fans we get hotheaded over SMALL, SMALL stuff like that and I was like "you serious, man? like why?" and she said she doesn´t want to talk about it and I was like okkkk. but in the end she told me that Lay something against BTS so that was the reason. (actually Lay said something like "we are number 1 anyway" not the exact quote at MAMA when BTS won) and I thought "what´s the big deal. he wanted his band to win? so? he was bitter and probably sad but it wasn´t as if he was calling them names or something?) but she just said that topic makes her angry and needs her time off (btw, she was on discord ALWAYS SHOWING THAT SHE WAS OFFLINE) and I was like ok and went offline too because I KNEW I WAS GOING TO GET DRAMATIC AND WOULD ARGUE AND WE WOULD END UP IN A MESS.

HEAR ME OUT BOYS AND GIRLS, I HAVE DONE SOMETHING WISE IN MY WHOLE LIFE, I LEFT THE CONVO and was hoping that the next day I was going to come back online and be like "agh sorry for the mess yesterday, we good?" and get over with it but she told me it´s all over because I didn´t TELL HER I WAS LEAVING???
like she was offline all the time, I had no idea she was coming back and I left and PEOPLE END THEIR FRIENDSHIPS OVER THAT????
and now she is really mad at me and doesn´t want to talk to me because I am apparently a horrible person and hurt her feelings?

EXPLAIN HUMAN INTERACTIONS TO ME, PLEASE!!!
I have thought I did the lesser of evils but apparently not.

shoot, I am curious about your experiences

 

[Yili]

Definitely in the past I had struggles with online friendships because I was insanely sensitive and at the slightest hint of someone being mad at me I would have a mental breakdown internally. I wasn't the type to lash out but I was the type to take everything personally and become really sad. I know it was because I was relying on their friendships for my own self worth and that's something that I have done my best to separate myself from nowadays. I don't think that is what you are going through with your friendship but it was what I was going through with mine.

Nowadays I just try my best to bond with the people I want to bond with. I don't reach out if I don't feel like we're going to have real connection, in the past I'd try to make every single person my friend because I thought it would make me feel better but I ended up being friends with people that I couldn't relate to at all

 

[Michael]

EXPLAIN HUMAN INTERACTIONS TO ME, PLEASE!!!

Well, I have nothing to explain other than saying that what's in anyone else's minds could be widely different than what's in ours. So many things will be unpredictable and hard to explain from our points of view. People are just people.

 

[brekker]

Definitely in the past I had struggles with online friendships because I was insanely sensitive and at the slightest hint of someone being mad at me I would have a mental breakdown internally. I wasn't the type to lash out but I was the type to take everything personally and become really sad. I know it was because I was relying on their friendships for my own self worth and that's something that I have done my best to separate myself from nowadays. I don't think that is what you are going through with your friendship but it was what I was going through with mine.

Nowadays I just try my best to bond with the people I want to bond with. I don't reach out if I don't feel like we're going to have real connection, in the past I'd try to make every single person my friend because I thought it would make me feel better but I ended up being friends with people that I couldn't relate to at all

yes, I feel like most people who are eager to put themselves into unstable waters of online friendships are sensitive, open, but also expect much. I have to say I have been let down COUNTLESS times, but the thing is I just find very few people that I can relate to in terms of music or cinematography. I understand and respect their decisions and my real life friends are dear to me but they are just somewhere else than me and they care so little about books, music of films .. we rarely share those things. they are just not as nerdy, hence I clinge to the Internet and the idea of finding someone who doesn´t think I´m weird :D.

but you are right about not taking things too close to heart. I am not, I just feel like in social interactions, I am always like "good, good, good, FUCKED UP" and I later fall into a deep hole of self-pity and the whole "am I a bad person? am I that terrible ?was it me again? what is wrong with my personality?" etc.

 

[Wingfrost]

I think with relationships in general I take things too personally, it’s something I’m trying to work on. I think one thing that makes me nervous about being friends with someone is that I never want someone to be upset with me so I try my best to ‘fix’ the situation. In my head if a relationship or situation isn’t perfect I automatically overthink things and get really stressed over it.
I now try to see disagreements or arguments as a way to grow the relationship, I feel like it can make people closer if both people know how to handle it.
You and I had our own disagreement in the past but we talked through it (and even though I disappeared for a few months) I still consider you a friend.
I hope you two will be able to sort it all out.

 

[brekker]

I think with relationships in general I take things too personally, it’s something I’m trying to work on. I think one thing that makes me nervous about being friends with someone is that I never want someone to be upset with me so I try my best to ‘fix’ the situation. In my head if a relationship or situation isn’t perfect I automatically overthink things and get really stressed over it.
I now try to see disagreements or arguments as a way to grow the relationship, I feel like it can make people closer if both people know how to handle it.
You and I had our own disagreement in the past but we talked through it (and even though I disappeared for a few months) I still consider you a friend.
I hope you two will be able to sort it all out.

we had our disagreement because I´m petty and childish which are my worst qualities that I definitely should and do work on. It is more sad than funny, but I guess we all have our own bad sides. I feel like only after accepting them and working on them we can improve as people. I am sure you have your own mistakes as every human does but they don´t make you any less perfect. you are very kind, understanding, but also fun and talkative. I have never felt intimated to talk to you and I admire people that are as friendly and open as you are.
I agree that during an argument you can tell a lot about people. they uncover their worst - some are agressive, some are petty, some are really rude. I am sorry for being so petty and I am really happy we could have solved it. you have definitely showed me how to handle things better and I hope you´ll stay around so that we can get to know each other better ♥

 

[Wingfrost]

we had our disagreement because I´m petty and childish which are my worst qualities that I definitely should and do work on. It is more sad than funny, but I guess we all have our own bad sides. I feel like only after accepting them and working on them we can improve as people. I am sure you have your own mistakes as every human does but they don´t make you any less perfect. you are very kind, understanding, but also fun and talkative. I have never felt intimated to talk to you and I admire people that are as friendly and open as you are.
I agree that during an argument you can tell a lot about people. they uncover their worst - some are agressive, some are petty, some are really rude. I am sorry for being so petty and I am really happy we could have solved it. you have definitely showed me how to handle things better and I hope you´ll stay around so that we can get to know each other better ♥

Don’t be so hard on yourself
Yes it’s good to know our faults so we can grow as people but I hope you know how wonderful you are as well. I’m sending you lots and lots of love

 

[Areum]

You're asking me? I don't understand it either.

 

[eclipsoul]

i'm not good at online friendships as i find it easier to have real life interactions but from what i read you did absolutely nothing wrong here. also i think it's a bit dumb what she said about lay and chanyeol, i mean how would she know that they're fake when she literally doesn't know them? same goes for any kpop idol/celebrity in general.