Sensitive This is NOT on (1 Viewer)

[dark_tranquility]

To start.

I have this gardening group I go to
with some nice people

but person A


keeps grabbing my butt
three times in a row now
I ignored it at first but now it is just annoying

my poor booty : (
I am gonna have to report it

 

[Selfmate]

Don't Ignore It

tell her or him NO in no uncertain terms then tell the organiser then report him or her to the police for sexual harrassment

 

[Pirioca]

There's no need to escalate at first. Sometimes people misinterpret other people's body signals because of their own wrong expectations.

How's the general interaction with person A? I'd tell them that I don't want to be touched by any person. It's an inoffensive statement, person A probably won't feel hurt and you can continue working together in your gardening group.

If you report person A, the situation could get toxic. I'd only do that if person A stays obtrusive.

 

[Nina]

If you haven't told them to stop, do that AND report it.
Touching anyone without permission is already intrusive of personal space and even more so with an area like your butt.
They're violating your personal space and who knows if they've done that to others as well.
:( You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable in any space, let alone a safe space.

There's no need to escalate at first. Sometimes people misinterpret other people's body signals because of their own wrong expectations.

How's the general interaction with that person? I'd tell them that I don't want to be touched by any person. It's an inoffensive statement, person A probably won't feel hurt and you can continue working together in your gardening group.

If you report person A, the situation could get toxic. I'd only do that if person A stays obtrusive.

It's views like this that a lot of people, particularly women get blamed for "reading" situations wrong or getting blamed because they looked a certain way or dressed a certain way. When the person who is to blame is the one who has no respect for personal space and can't keep their hands to themselves.

Women get followed because "she gave me a look like she wanted me." When all they were doing was checking to cross a road.
Getting violated because "she wore a skirt, it's basically an invitation." When all they were doing was trying to look nice for themself and no one else.
And we still can't win when we keep our head down and wear baggy clothes carrying pepper spray because someone will still feel the need to follow and catcall you or get in your personal space.

 

[Pirioca]

Women get followed because "she gave me a look like she wanted me." When all they were doing was checking to cross a road.
Getting violated because "she wore a skirt, it's basically an invitation." When all they were doing was trying to look nice for themself and no one else.

@AmericanMindset is male. The situation is a bit different then. Especially straight (?) men normally aren't 'victimzed' that way and a clarifying conversation with person A should already help. Of course, if talking fails, there should be the legal way. But I'd talk first.

By the way, is person A male or female?

 

[Nina]

@AmericanMindset is male. The situation is a bit different then. Especially straight men normally aren't 'victimzed' that way and a clarifying conversation with person A should already help. Of course, if talking fails, there should be the legal way. But I'd talk first.

Being a male should not lessen how you see it. A violation of personal space is still a violation personal space.

 

[Pirioca]

Being a male should not lessen how you see it. A violation of personal space is still a violation personal space.

That's right but the way of reacting to that violation may be different. If person A is male and @AmericanMindset is a straight man, he could tell person A that he's not gay. That already draws a clear line.

 

[Nina]

That's right but the way of reacting to that violation may be different. If person A is male and @AmericanMindset is a straight man, he could tell person A that he's not gay. That already draws a clear line.

Anyone, regardless of sexual orientation, should not be putting their hands on another person.
If you want to add a line to anything...touching anyone's butt without permission (and 3 times in a row) is deemed sexual harassment.

 

[dark_tranquility]

person A has a disability as well
she doesn't know when to stop
She has been called out several times
and still does it

so what you tell her doesn't sink in

but she does it still knowing full well it is wrong

it is a grey area at best

 

[Pirioca]

person A has a disability as well
she doesn't know when to stop
She has been called out several times
and still does it

so what you tell her doesn't sink in

but she does it still knowing full well it is wrong

it is a grey area at best

A physical disability doesn't change that much IMO, a mental disability (for example autism or Down's Syndrome) could be another story. Are you the only person she touches that way? Maybe she tries to be an attention getter. Did you ask her why she does that?

 

[dark_tranquility]

A physical disability doesn't change that much IMO, a mental disability (for example autism or Down's Syndrome) could be another story. Are you the only person she touches that way? Maybe she tries to be an attention getter. Did you ask her why she does that?

mental disability and she touches everybody there, not just me

 

[Pirioca]

mental disability and she touches everybody there, not just me

So she's not fixated on you. If 'hunting butts' would be her only problem, I'd laugh it away and try getting along with her. What would be the other options? Reporting her and she doesn't care anyway? Leaving the gardening group?

Maybe you can find out why she touches other people. It's possible that she seeks attention or wants to provoke. I'd only take legal action if she would be violent. She grabs other people's butts and that's annoying for sure but she doesn't seem to be dangerous.

I'm AFK. Have a great weekend!

 

[dark_tranquility]

So she's not fixated on you. If 'hunting butts' would be her only problem, I'd laugh it away and try getting along with her. What would be the other options? Reporting her and she doesn't care anyway? Leaving the gardening group?

Maybe you can find out why she touches other people. It's possible that she seeks attention or wants to provoke. I'd only take legal action if she would be violent. She grabs other people's butts and that's annoying for sure but she doesn't seem to be dangerous.

I'm AFK. Have a great weekend!

She does it for laughs and you say don't do it and she says sorry but still continues to do it

 

[dark_tranquility]

@AmericanMindset is male. The situation is a bit different then. Especially straight (?) men normally aren't 'victimzed' that way and a clarifying conversation with person A should already help. Of course, if talking fails, there should be the legal way. But I'd talk first.

By the way, is person A male or female?

female

 

[The_LastRomeo]

She does it for laughs and you say don't do it and she says sorry but still continues to do it

Take it to the higher ups, her disability does not excuse the action, especially considering she knows you said stop. Just make sure to tell them to be kind about it

 

[dark_tranquility]

Take it to the higher ups, her disability does not excuse the action, especially considering she knows you said stop. Just make sure to tell them to be kind about it

I will.

I have the same workers on cooking Monday
I will put in a report then

 

[The_LastRomeo]

I will.

I have the same workers on cooking Monday
I will put in a report then

Good luck!

 

[dark_tranquility]

Good luck!

thank you so much

 

[dark_tranquility]

Update I told a higher up about it

 

[The_LastRomeo]

Update I told a higher up about it

How did it go?