Official ✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (7 Viewers)

[dark_tranquility]

bloody hell idk what to do now

 

[iridescentopal]

My post can be seen below. Thank you for your support

 

[dark_tranquility]

hey guys my body hurts and feels nothing. i feel like someone had been either shooting me in the head, or tinkering with my body/life. i keep getting grudging hate from a community of mine, they seeing if i am 'okay,' and saying advice / comment of various stages, like saying i love you and in turn, say i should suffer and die. i try to express how frightened i felt in real life as an asian (although that was a lot of trauma and paranoia mixed together at 2020 to now, from other online past trauma directly tied to that community actually), and how that then focused to me online as i experienced mindflaying terror, where i was also ripped apart badly like a hellhound, as i have adhd and ocd and social anxiety, and... it is like, no one actually cares, other than : get over it, stand up for yourself, soldier, maybe this will help or hurt her. i feel like anywhere i go, people are out to get me, to hurt me, yet i determined all the different ways of how people manipulate me (and watching television / listening to music clouds a dreamy haze, as life is so painful). and its like, just me showing up in my power / my awareness of how i feel, just has to be okay, like how i pulled through other terrible situations in my life. i try very hard to do my best in life, yet the meanness of the community made me feel really scared and repetitively / limit my usual process of thinking and feeling. and it does help to express small beauty in my craziness of my life. it is like, when i couldn't sleep for a few days in real life, and my body was so so scared it would die, yet it tried to stay alive. there was just a lot of isolation and grudge involved. i am writing and speaking a bit clearer, in my unpacking of media that i see, as it did go in a dissociative heaviness for a long time, even though i did try to be happy within that time. it is hard for me to make friends. yet i would just like to be friends here <3 people here seem really sweet!!

I know what you are going through and it is hard
but friends and a good circle of people you can trust helps a lot
I think the same of me every other day
we are nice here and would not let others have heartache
if you wanna talk I am always here most of the time

 

[lexus]

-

 

[dark_tranquility]

slipping in and out of depression sucks

 

[Deleted member 74]

~

 

[dark_tranquility]

this move is killing my mental health
so stressed out

 

[Pirioca]

this move is killing my mental health
so stressed out

You are strong, you can do this!

 

[dark_tranquility]

You are strong, you can do this!

I wish it were that simple
but I felt lied to, saying I could stay
total bullshit man is what it is

 

[Pirioca]

I wish it were that simple
but I felt lied to, saying I could stay
total bullshit man is what it is

I hope you can find some rest.

 

[dark_tranquility]

I hope you can find some rest.

I will but it will take some time

 

[Deleted member 74]

Spoiler

I sit in their house and watch them across from me. I watch the way they talk about them, the way they remember and notice the small details. I try not to think about how I always slip through the cracks, so I listen carefully. I wonder what it's like to have someone pay attention to you like that. how lucky are they, I think to myself. I look around me, and everyone's shining. I feel as though I'm barely concealing my jagged self. I smile, but it's strained. I get a forkful of food, but I don't eat. it feels like my throat is all closed up. I watch everyone else, conversing and laughing, I see the warm smiles they give me, and I know what's going unsaid. I see the pity in their eyes, and how gentle they all are with me, how nice, as if they've been warned beforehand. for a second I hate it, and my pride is hurt. I wonder what it's like to be like them. I go to the restroom, I watch myself in the mirror. please be normal. just be a normal person who can attend something, who can laugh and talk and enjoy. so how are you, they ask me. I'm so tired of feeling this way every day. it feels like being underwater, while everyone else is laughing on the shore. good, I say. I watch the bad news going around in the world and wish I could give my life to someone who deserves it, to someone who would fully live it. because all I do is spend it feeling a sense of sadness and emptiness I just can't shake.

 

[dark_tranquility]

Spoiler

I sit in their house and watch them across from me. I watch the way they talk about them, the way they remember and notice the small details. I try not to think about how I always slip through the cracks, so I listen carefully. I wonder what it's like to have someone pay attention to you like that. how lucky are they, I think to myself. I look around me, and everyone's shining. I feel as though I'm barely concealing my jagged self. I smile, but it's strained. I get a forkful of food, but I don't eat. it feels like my throat is all closed up. I watch everyone else, conversing and laughing, I see the warm smiles they give me, and I know what's going unsaid. I see the pity in their eyes, and how gentle they all are with me, how nice, as if they've been warned beforehand. for a second I hate it, and my pride is hurt. I wonder what it's like to be like them. I go to the restroom, I watch myself in the mirror. please be normal. just be a normal person who can attend something, who can laugh and talk and enjoy. so how are you, they ask me. I'm so tired of feeling this way every day. it feels like being underwater, while everyone else is laughing on the shore. good, I say. I watch the bad news going around in the world and wish I could give my life to someone who deserves it, to someone who would fully live it. because all I do is spend it feeling a sense of sadness and emptiness I just can't shake.

Oh no I am sorry you have to live through that
whenever you feel like venting, I am always here to help out
I get depressed a lot due to voices and imagery I cannot shake

 

[dark_tranquility]

dating sites make me so paranoid

 

[Deleted member 74]

~

 

[Deleted member 74]

~

 

[dark_tranquility]

I do not know where I am wtf

 

[dark_tranquility]

I will surpass it

 

[Pirioca]

dating sites make me so paranoid

I don't visit them. Too many fakes and desperated people.

 

[dark_tranquility]

I don't visit them. Too many fakes and desperated people.

true as all else