Official ✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (3 Viewers)

[taemkitten]

A lesson in not putting yourself down so much, or acting pathetic, annoying others, and being obnoxious - it is something I desperately need.

I hate that I have been so up and down lately. I keep trying to remind myself that a lot of crap is happening with my body, hormones, emotions, mind lately because of the medications and the changes....but it just keeps getting harder and harder every day. I feel like I'm inevitably pushing everyone away and isolating myself further.

 

[kodoku]

A lesson in not putting yourself down so much, or acting pathetic, annoying others, and being obnoxious - it is something I desperately need.

I hate that I have been so up and down lately. I keep trying to remind myself that a lot of crap is happening with my body, hormones, emotions, mind lately because of the medications and the changes....but it just keeps getting harder and harder every day. I feel like I'm inevitably pushing everyone away and isolating myself further.

You're only human and trying to do something for yourself, to better your life. If you're having a hard time while doing that, I don't think you can help that. Maybe you can ask the people you care about for some time and to be understanding with you, I'm sure they will wait for you. It's important to be gentle with yourself, especially through these tough times <3

 

[potato]

A lesson in not putting yourself down so much, or acting pathetic, annoying others, and being obnoxious - it is something I desperately need.

I hate that I have been so up and down lately. I keep trying to remind myself that a lot of crap is happening with my body, hormones, emotions, mind lately because of the medications and the changes....but it just keeps getting harder and harder every day. I feel like I'm inevitably pushing everyone away and isolating myself further.

I hope you don't hate yourself too much for what is happening to you. The changes are a natural part of the medication and you shouldn't feel like you should push yourself and repress it. You should accept these changes and your feelings are a part of who you are. That way, you can hate yourself less. I hope you can overcome this soon. <3

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler: doesn't matter, just letting things out

I've been avoiding posting about myself in the mental health threads tbh... but a little rant can't hurt (I think?) so anyway, I freaking hate OCD because it literally harms every aspect of life. I don't want to be a person who focuses on the bad and dark and all the things I cannot do, but it's so hard sometimes >_< I keep trying to fix things, to prepare for a fresh start and start anew so I can do better and live properly but it never ever works... I want to clear my skin again because it's breaking out from bad sleeping and stress from work, and lose a bit of weight for summer and my trips, and just start living more and being more active, making more plans and meeting people, and so on... but none of it works out, I can't even finish my poems because of this. Sigh I can't give up but I never succeed either, it just feels like I'm stuck and it makes me tired, but I choose to believe that it's not too late, there's a bit of time left, and the best is yet to come.......right? T_T another thing is my stupid job. I want to change it, but I still haven't even cleared my head and decided what I'm gonna do, much less started with it all........I just need enough time but I don't have it, everything's a mess, I'm only working, that's what it feels like sigh. Even now, I need to go get ready for work.......urgh... anyway nvm this, I'm just expressing myself a bit. I'm alright hehe

 

[potato]

Spoiler: doesn't matter, just letting things out

I've been avoiding posting about myself in the mental health threads tbh... but a little rant can't hurt (I think?) so anyway, I freaking hate OCD because it literally harms every aspect of life. I don't want to be a person who focuses on the bad and dark and all the things I cannot do, but it's so hard sometimes >_< I keep trying to fix things, to prepare for a fresh start and start anew so I can do better and live properly but it never ever works... I want to clear my skin again because it's breaking out from bad sleeping and stress from work, and lose a bit of weight for summer and my trips, and just start living more and being more active, making more plans and meeting people, and so on... but none of it works out, I can't even finish my poems because of this. Sigh I can't give up but I never succeed either, it just feels like I'm stuck and it makes me tired, but I choose to believe that it's not too late, there's a bit of time left, and the best is yet to come.......right? T_T another thing is my stupid job. I want to change it, but I still haven't even cleared my head and decided what I'm gonna do, much less started with it all........I just need enough time but I don't have it, everything's a mess, I'm only working, that's what it feels like sigh. Even now, I need to go get ready for work.......urgh... anyway nvm this, I'm just expressing myself a bit. I'm alright hehe

Spoiler

Why don't you try writing down everything you want to do? Maybe it will help. When I wanted to start losing weight, I was really lazy and I hardly did anything. So, I wrote down what I wanted to do and I allocated time slots to work out. Now, I work out nearly everyday and it helps a lot with my mental health as well. Maybe you should try writing down the things that you want to do and set time limits for them. It's just a piece of advice I think might help ^^.

I just want you to know that if you dislike your work and want to quit, don't let it dishearten you. You still have lots of opportunities in the future and I hope you can still pursue your dreams <3

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler

Why don't you try writing down everything you want to do? Maybe it will help. When I wanted to start losing weight, I was really lazy and I hardly did anything. So, I wrote down what I wanted to do and I allocated time slots to work out. Now, I work out nearly everyday and it helps a lot with my mental health as well. Maybe you should try writing down the things that you want to do and set time limits for them. It's just a piece of advice I think might help ^^.

I just want you to know that if you dislike your work and want to quit, don't let it dishearten you. You still have lots of opportunities in the future and I hope you can still pursue your dreams <3

Spoiler

I actually do write everything down, but the ocd makes me really overwhelmed so easily... Especially when things go wrong, that is great advice though

Thank you... I won't give up just yet

 

[Hajima]

i just woke up from surgery and heading home

 

[Hajima]

my head is so swollen i feel like it's going to explode

 

[potato]

i just woke up from surgery and heading home

my head is so swollen i feel like it's going to explode

How are you doing now? Are you okay?

 

[kodoku]

@Hajima I hope you are okay and that you feel better soon let us know how it all went later on

 

[Hajima]

How are you doing now? Are you okay?

@Hajima I hope you are okay and that you feel better soon let us know how it all went later on

thanks guys...... i'm home now things getting better

 

[potato]

thanks guys...... i'm home now things getting better

That's good to know~ Well done!

 

[VillageIdiot]

I'm so tired of being painfully aware of flaws I can reasonably fix and not doing anything to fix it
Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning myself next to a pool ladder

 

[gongchan]

I'm so tired of being painfully aware of flaws I can reasonably fix and not doing anything to fix it
Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning myself next to a pool ladder

That is a rough position to be in :c just know that change can't always be forced and sometimes flaws can be like habits that take time to get rid of. Don't pressure yourself into instant change if you aren't ready, start with the small changes. They may be things that seem easy to fix, but in my experience at least, change in itself is hard no matter how easy it may be to make the changes (if that makes any sense?).
Best wishes, I hope you can get everything figured out soon <3

 

[gongchan]

For the past week I was attending the overnight church camp I've been going to for 7 years, and it was SO refreshing. I was worried about the camp this year because this year they combined the junior and senior high camps so I would have to be with younger kids as well and,, it wasn't actually that bad! I always love this camp because I am free to be who I am and enjoy my religion like I should because they are so accepting. It is nice to have a place of my religion where I don't have to worry about homophobes or have to hear the speech of "bEinG Bi iS jUsT A pHaSE" or whatever. I feel I was able to find some peace and well being about this past year of my life, too. Able to let some of it go, I guess. This break from everything has made me feel so much better, for the first time in a while I was able to enjoy living and not have suicidal thoughts overwhelm me completely.
Also not to be a stereotypical teenager but,,,I met a really amazing boy at camp this year. He was straight up drop dead gorgeous and an amazing person. I was able to talk to him about all of my worries I've had, and even with the short time I'd known him, I talked with him about everything I've been going through with losing a person so close to me recently. He didn't disregard my feelings in the slightest and just hugged me for a long time after I told him. It feels so weird but yet so amazing to be enjoying something as simple as a freaking summer camp crush! I haven't felt like a normal person like this in so long! Sad though next year might be the last year we could see each other at camp though since he is older than me and is graduating high school next year :') BUT WHATEVER THIS IS STILL SUCH A BIG DEAL FOR ME GOSH I FEEL SO BLISSFUL! I just want to relish in this forever and never let the feeling of this happiness go.
I just,,,I really don't think I've felt this happy in nearly two years. I know this feeling won't last forever but I am so grateful for it right now.

Oh hell,,,Killer by B.A.P just came on my playlist and I am crying again, but for once it isn't even because I'm sad. My body must have forgotten what it even feels like to be happy oml. I really am so awestruck. I know this is how Tyler would have wanted me to be.

 

[kodoku]

I'm so tired of being painfully aware of flaws I can reasonably fix and not doing anything to fix it
Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning myself next to a pool ladder

that's so relatable, I've been thinking the same thing... what is it that's stopping us? I'm not sure... I guess all we can do is keep trying until it works

For the past week I was attending the overnight church camp I've been going to for 7 years, and it was SO refreshing. I was worried about the camp this year because this year they combined the junior and senior high camps so I would have to be with younger kids as well and,, it wasn't actually that bad! I always love this camp because I am free to be who I am and enjoy my religion like I should because they are so accepting. It is nice to have a place of my religion where I don't have to worry about homophobes or have to hear the speech of "bEinG Bi iS jUsT A pHaSE" or whatever. I feel I was able to find some peace and well being about this past year of my life, too. Able to let some of it go, I guess. This break from everything has made me feel so much better, for the first time in a while I was able to enjoy living and not have suicidal thoughts overwhelm me completely.
Also not to be a stereotypical teenager but,,,I met a really amazing boy at camp this year. He was straight up drop dead gorgeous and an amazing person. I was able to talk to him about all of my worries I've had, and even with the short time I'd known him, I talked with him about everything I've been going through with losing a person so close to me recently. He didn't disregard my feelings in the slightest and just hugged me for a long time after I told him. It feels so weird but yet so amazing to be enjoying something as simple as a freaking summer camp crush! I haven't felt like a normal person like this in so long! Sad though next year might be the last year we could see each other at camp though since he is older than me and is graduating high school next year :') BUT WHATEVER THIS IS STILL SUCH A BIG DEAL FOR ME GOSH I FEEL SO BLISSFUL! I just want to relish in this forever and never let the feeling of this happiness go.
I just,,,I really don't think I've felt this happy in nearly two years. I know this feeling won't last forever but I am so grateful for it right now.

Oh hell,,,Killer by B.A.P just came on my playlist and I am crying again, but for once it isn't even because I'm sad. My body must have forgotten what it even feels like to be happy oml. I really am so awestruck. I know this is how Tyler would have wanted me to be.

AWWWWW so happy for youuuuuuu, enjoy it, you deserve it <333

 

[Hajima]

I feel suicidal.
My life is a never ending Groundhog Day anyways.
I texted my sister that my mom should have had an abortion and was selfish to give birth to me.
That I bet she and rest of my family would wish I would just commit suicide already so that they can have my savings. it's not worth it anymore i know it will never get better..... why should go through this... if there is a god buddha or allah wtf why does he do this to people.. what kind god who enjoy suffering of others .....

so freaking stupid... stan Loona.

 

[kodoku]

I feel suicidal.
My life is a never ending Groundhog Day anyways.
I texted my sister that my mom should have had an abortion and was selfish to give birth to me.
That I bet she and rest of my family would wish I would just commit suicide already so that they can have my savings. it's not worth it anymore i know it will never get better..... why should go through this... if there is a god buddha or allah wtf why does he do this to people.. what kind god who enjoy suffering of others .....

so freaking stupid... stan Loona.

I'm very sorry you've been feeling this way :( I want you to know that these kind of toxic thoughts often blind you from the truth and your demons are telling you you are a burden when I'm sure no one would want you to pass away like that.. really, depression makes you think everyone would be better off without you and that's actually the number one reason people take their own lives. But it isn't true, you have to know that. And also, saying you know it will never get better.. I understand why you'd strongly feel that way, but you can't claim that. Life is full of twists and surprises and so much can and will change. Please just hold on, let out your feelings and allow yourself to heal... I am always here if you wanna talk <3

I self-harmed for the first time in ...a long time. two years? a little more? idk. everything in my dorm is relatively dull (unintentional, i was so far past that mindset its not something i need to keep away....i just havnt been to the butchers to get my knives sharpened in a while) so it didnt do much damage, really nothing...but im so concerned. I havent been depressed in a long time and haven't even had the thought of self-harm for even longer....i thought i had gotten away from all those thoughts, but last week I opened up about my personal life to someone...it was just a small thing. I didn't even directly say what it was. I literally just said "Oh, my mood today isnt great," "I cant really get into but im just really poor man, it has to do with that" but the fact that i realised i could, and wanted to open up....well it just got me thinking to much. When I say I "could" open up I mean technically I could, and i know tht, this particular person would have been really receptive to it and no judging, they always are open. still....societaly i really couldn't. I also realised this person entered my life so recently and yet despite not even seeing them often, has made a huge impact on me....and in 5 more days I'll never see them again.

Spoiler

and this persons though i feel friendly towards,, they arent neccisaarily a friend, just the fact that they'e been so kind to me, has made me more sad than it should

ANd then between a stupid "friend" who i hate

Spoiler

and by hate i mean, this guy is a really emotional guyy who reads into thins to much and makes me uncomfortable...and I now i have emotions, but they asre about very specific things, that are never the "correct' or nromal things...so in many situations i end up just feeling cruel, or by the 'really emotional' people, disgusted and uncomfortable.....especially when they respond poorly to your gentle worded honesty......and yet here i am writing this so i know im a hypocitical kind of guy.......everything i sya i feel like i need to clarify, and now i feel even shittier and like i made it even more confusing by doing so......i dont know. ive said it so many times but i dont

and...other things. its been a week and in a week i went from really positive 2+ year streak...to this. and "this" isn't so severe, i know its not the end of the world. I can work my way back up. Im just shocked, and concerned that it might be says something deeper than it should, and a bit dissapointed too.


I mean serriously, i wasnt just suppressing the sad feelings for two years. The triggers for these thoughts were environmental and on my mind daily but i had worked through them so that they didnt bother me anymore, i had actually coped with my enviornment. WHen I say i wasnt depressed, i still had my sad days and my happy ones. It wasnt a perfect life but a normal one and i was proud of that. idk anymore....I also haven't hallucinated in that same amount of time but I'm not on anything (medication) rn.....so was my diagnosis wrong? I'm so confused about every single aspect of myself anymore, and part of its that i feel manipulated too (a different area of my lfie)....i don't know anything anymore. I dont even know if anything im saying is true, everytime i talk to acertain person in my life, i end up questioning every memory i've ever had. And not in a thought inspiring, or otherwise good way

ohhhh and to make matters worse someone, I just realised, found out my scar removal cream, they havent questioned me but oh shit............im so scared

and until this afternoon , my alibi was true, it wasnt even an alibi it was a simple fact..well sort of. the first alibi was that i want to get rid of the accident scar on my wrist (an accident from when i was 6 that everyone knows about...so not a self-harm scar surprisingly, despite the location), the second"alibi" if anyone questioned further would to be to honestly just admit to them, but then make sure to show them that it was in the past and that im literally just trying to get rid of them, for myself, not hide anything since im nto doing anythign anymore...and even thought my new self harm scars in aplace it wouldnt be found, still now i know im lying ....im doing great

really sorry to hear that. Please please try to find other ways to cope.......write down your thoughts and feelings, work out, call someone trustworthy, write to me right away next time you feel like doing it..... there are better, healthier ways to deal with this, so please......... I hope you won't harm yourself anymore : (

 

[potato]

I feel suicidal.
My life is a never ending Groundhog Day anyways.
I texted my sister that my mom should have had an abortion and was selfish to give birth to me.
That I bet she and rest of my family would wish I would just commit suicide already so that they can have my savings. it's not worth it anymore i know it will never get better..... why should go through this... if there is a god buddha or allah wtf why does he do this to people.. what kind god who enjoy suffering of others .....

so freaking stupid... stan Loona.

I just want to tell you that the fact that you are on this world is a miracle. There are thousands upon thousands of sperm containing different genetic informations, a different personality, different face, different hair, different everything. But the fact that it was one particular sperm that reached the egg first and that was you is a miracle in itself. There could be someone else, someone entirely different to who you are sitting, lying or standing where you are right now. But it wasn't anyone else. It was you.

I know it's hard to be thankful for existing and I know what it's like to hate yourself and want to end your life. But please remember this: your entire being on this world is due to a a series of miracles.

I self-harmed for the first time in ...a long time. two years? a little more? idk. everything in my dorm is relatively dull (unintentional, i was so far past that mindset its not something i need to keep away....i just havnt been to the butchers to get my knives sharpened in a while) so it didnt do much damage, really nothing...but im so concerned. I havent been depressed in a long time and haven't even had the thought of self-harm for even longer....i thought i had gotten away from all those thoughts, but last week I opened up about my personal life to someone...it was just a small thing. I didn't even directly say what it was. I literally just said "Oh, my mood today isnt great," "I cant really get into but im just really poor man, it has to do with that" but the fact that i realised i could, and wanted to open up....well it just got me thinking to much. When I say I "could" open up I mean technically I could, and i know tht, this particular person would have been really receptive to it and no judging, they always are open. still....societaly i really couldn't. I also realised this person entered my life so recently and yet despite not even seeing them often, has made a huge impact on me....and in 5 more days I'll never see them again.

Spoiler

and this persons though i feel friendly towards,, they arent neccisaarily a friend, just the fact that they'e been so kind to me, has made me more sad than it should

ANd then between a stupid "friend" who i hate

Spoiler

and by hate i mean, this guy is a really emotional guyy who reads into thins to much and makes me uncomfortable...and I now i have emotions, but they asre about very specific things, that are never the "correct' or nromal things...so in many situations i end up just feeling cruel, or by the 'really emotional' people, disgusted and uncomfortable.....especially when they respond poorly to your gentle worded honesty......and yet here i am writing this so i know im a hypocitical kind of guy.......everything i sya i feel like i need to clarify, and now i feel even shittier and like i made it even more confusing by doing so......i dont know. ive said it so many times but i dont

and...other things. its been a week and in a week i went from really positive 2+ year streak...to this. and "this" isn't so severe, i know its not the end of the world. I can work my way back up. Im just shocked, and concerned that it might be says something deeper than it should, and a bit dissapointed too.


I mean serriously, i wasnt just suppressing the sad feelings for two years. The triggers for these thoughts were environmental and on my mind daily but i had worked through them so that they didnt bother me anymore, i had actually coped with my enviornment. WHen I say i wasnt depressed, i still had my sad days and my happy ones. It wasnt a perfect life but a normal one and i was proud of that. idk anymore....I also haven't hallucinated in that same amount of time but I'm not on anything (medication) rn.....so was my diagnosis wrong? I'm so confused about every single aspect of myself anymore, and part of its that i feel manipulated too (a different area of my lfie)....i don't know anything anymore. I dont even know if anything im saying is true, everytime i talk to acertain person in my life, i end up questioning every memory i've ever had. And not in a thought inspiring, or otherwise good way

ohhhh and to make matters worse someone, I just realised, found out my scar removal cream, they havent questioned me but oh shit............im so scared

and until this afternoon , my alibi was true, it wasnt even an alibi it was a simple fact..well sort of. the first alibi was that i want to get rid of the accident scar on my wrist (an accident from when i was 6 that everyone knows about...so not a self-harm scar surprisingly, despite the location), the second"alibi" if anyone questioned further would to be to honestly just admit to them, but then make sure to show them that it was in the past and that im literally just trying to get rid of them, for myself, not hide anything since im nto doing anythign anymore...and even thought my new self harm scars in aplace it wouldnt be found, still now i know im lying ....im doing great

I just want to say well done for holding out for 2 years. It must have been hard to handle and it's very admirable. And even though it has happened again, I don't want it to pull you down. People are not perfect and sometimes we break. It is essentially what makes us human.

Sometimes, depression comes crashing back with no warning and then disappears again. It's weird like that. And I'm happy that you have found someone that you can personally confide in without being afraid and someone that you can trust in because it helps a lot. Having someone just next to you can help you feel so much better.

Don't let this bring you down because you should be proud of your 2+ year positive streak! However, I also recommend that you see your therapist or psychiatrist in case these feelings come again because I can't give you any professional advice.

 

[kodoku]

months, months without a working shower. and the amount of times ive been able to shower since it broke?...well i can count it on one hhand.......the last time i went this long wihout showering, well i was eatting magot food and hiding from my mom. maybe thats part of why i had that other struggles i posted about recently. its really been wearing me down.... iim so disgusting. you cant sayy im not. imagine having to prioritise which evennts are important enough for you to risk showering over. Can you? people live like this. i live lke this, im falling into a lot of old habits

That's awful, I'm so sorry. But you really are not disgusting. It's not like you asked for this or chose it.. I don't know what to say.. I just hope and pray you can have the more decent life you deserve as soon as possible <3