Official ✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (13 Viewers)

[kodoku]

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It's just dumb stuff feeling bad for myself thinking I'll end up all alone in the end... That everyone will move on from me. I don't know TT

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it's not dumb silly. idk why you feel like this, but I don't think that will happen, remember that you are loved <3

 

[kodoku]

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I sometimes wonder if the reason why I fail at learning other languages is because I was only meant to be proficient in one (which is funny, because my use of punctuation is horrible; I slept through that part of English class TT...). I don't know. Languages aren't really designed to be user-friendly. They're meant to be an integral part of a person's ability to function. It's not like learning how to read sheet music or the language of a martial art. Once you have your language, that's it (and why would you ever want or need to learn another one?). You can. People do it every single day. They just weren't designed for that.

So I guess it's a "jack-of-all-trades" or "master-of-one" sort of thing. Except, in my case, it's "proficient-user-of-one." And then there are the polyglots of the world who are "masters-of-all." I think J.R.R. Tolkien was one. He studied Finnish, Welsh, Latin, etc., and was a professor of English Literature, and wrote all those Middle-Earth books... I mean, okay, we get it, you're a genius >_< lol. But seriously, though...

I guess I should be content with what I have. I have come to love and cherish the English language over the course of my short life. But it would be nice to be able to speak what I think is the most beautiful language in the world, which is Finnish. And I wish I could do more with German than just "Mir geht's gut, danke. Obwohl, Deutsch ist so schwer jetzt TT Es gibt so viele neu Fragen, und es macht mich wirklich traurig und wütend :'( Sowieso, wie geht um du? Bist du in Ordnung?" I'm sure there are a billion errors in that, sorry to any German-speakers here for butchering your beautiful language XD

Oh well. I still love languages. I consume music in many different languages. I enjoy languages, and nothing is stopping me from doing that. And I'm blessed to know a pretty awesome language like English. Who knows what the future might bring. Who knows how things might change. Maybe I'll start to get better at other languages. For now I will try my best to be content with what I have and remain hopeful about the future <3 Please be gentle to me, universe... I'm fragile. Thank you, kiitos, danke, etc.

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aw cutie haha. you are amazing for even wanting to learn and try and improve!! i know soo many people who don't work on themselves whatsover.. you will get there if you try and get better day by day <333

 

[kodoku]

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I came across a comment last night that compared the current climate of creative writing to the days of old. That every writer these days has a bevy of creative writing courses and even a degree under their belt. They've trained for it, and it shows in their writing. But writers like Tolkien just wrote whatever without any prior training. Originally The Hobbit was just supposed to be a fairy tale for his son, for example. The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe was meant for C.S. Lewis' goddaughter. Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein while being snowed in with her friends and one of them proposed a horror story writing challenge. Now writers train to write for the masses. There are two schools of thought on creative writing, basically, and both are valid.

I don't have any training. I mean, I took one class in grade school, but I barely remember anything from it. I know that, no matter how good I may come to be, it'll never be the professional, clean product of a trained writer. It'll be rough around the edges and flow well until it doesn't then flow well again. I know I go against every bit of creative writing wisdom without even meaning to in my attempt to eek out even just a page worth of content. My friend is a creative writing queen. She's trained for it. She writes circles around me on my best day. I'm not envious, though, I love her. But I do acknowledge I'll never be on her level. But all of that is okay. As long as I can love my book and others can at least like it then I know I did my job as a writer.

I'm following in the footsteps of some pretty awesome writers too, and that's pretty cool. And If they can do it... well, why can't I? Here we go.

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ofc you can!!! I don't see why you would need to be like that.. Tbh the only thing that matters is that your writing means something to someone imo

 

[kodoku]

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Trigger Warning.

When I think about how much corruption there is in the world, it honestly makes my heart break. Like, reading about all the actors and other filmmakers who signed a petition in support of Roman Polanski, about all the people who defended Harvey Weinstein, and tried to cover up for him, and realizing that pretty much everyone in Hollywood knows about all the evil, morally depraved things that go on there... It's impossible to even look at someone like Keanu Reeves and think well of him, because even if he is a good person for the most part he still knows. He still chooses to make movies.

I don't know if I can really watch movies anymore myself. And that tears me apart inside, because what about Harry Potter? The Lord of the Rings? All the other movies I love? It's pretty much guaranteed that a bunch of people who worked on every one of those movies is a either a pedophile, or a rapist, or helped support pedophiles and rapists, or looked the other way. These movies are my childhood. But I have to give them up.

I hear about people who can't give them up, though. "Oh, you know Guillermo del Toro? Such a lovable nerd supporting other nerds up there in Hollywood. Good for him!" Well, he was one of the people who signed that petition. To support a man. Who raped an underage girl while she begged him to stop. "Tilda Swinton played The White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia and The Ancient One in Doctor Strange, how cool is she? :D" Yeah... she also signed that petition... So did Meryl Streep. Dear old Obi-Wan Kenobi himself, Ewan McGregor, supported Weinstein. They can all burn.

I know someone can argue, "Well, how do you know that one of the engineers or producers who worked on your favorite album, or even the musician or band themselves, are all innocent of such things?" I don't. I honestly don't know. But I have reason enough to doubt that they are. Hollywood is different in so many ways, the power dynamics, the way people prey on hopes and dreams, the money that flows through it...

And don't even get me started on all the actors who support scientology. I'm not even going to dignify that by capitalizing it.

*sigh* Humanity...

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i had no idea about this... :(( It always amazes me how smart and caring you are tho..

 

[kodoku]

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I've been on DeviantArt long enough now to know that to truly make it as a writer you have to carve out your own unique style. A style no one else has but you. You have to string words together in such a way that even at a glance people will know it came from you. Then you have to carry this voice into your interactions with others on the site. You have to have a profile picture people will know you for. You have to have a name people will know you for. You have to turn yourself into something like a brand. I've seen so many writers just naturally fall into this role. I doubt any of them consciously thought it through all that much, if at all, at the start. They simply came in with such a strong and confident sense of self. A rock solid understanding of who they are as a person and just what it is they can bring to the table. And then they evolved from there.

Personally, I've experimented so many times now. I started with a niche people came to know me for. My profile picture is still based on that niche. Then I started running out of ideas for it and moved on to something else. I moved on again. I started doing this thing and I started doing that thing. At one point I even lost a huge chunk of watchers (think followers) overnight because of my antics. It happened again a second time. I've been so insecure about my writing that I just change on a whim and follow whatever flight of fancy comes into my head at the time. So now I have quite possibly the most fractured set of watchers in all of DeviantArt. I have people following me with the expectation that I'll write more of this, more of that... It's so stressful and awkward and embarrassing, honestly.

I haven't been able to "blow up" because of this. That, and I've just never really been the best writer anyway. I have the name. I have the picture. I do have my own precious voice, even if it does get filtered through so many different things. And I suppose using DeviantArt to become a better writer, to groom myself, to figure out who I truly am as a writer, like I've been doing, is still a noble and respectable use of the site. And maybe, just maybe, I can still carve out my own niche from all this nonsense. But at the end of the day, it's the wisdom I've been given that's the most important thing of all. As long as my writing means something to someone, that's what matters <3

I still need to carve out my own niche, though. The time for experimenting is over. I have to firmly say to everyone, "This is me. This is what I offer. Please give me a chance to rebuild. Please support me." Maybe it's not too late.

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you are doing well, bestie.. probably much better than you think. I can understand that you're under pressure, but keep in mind what truly matters when it comes to art and you will shine even more brightly <3

 

[gongchan]

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Nowadays if I had anything I wanted to talk about I'd go to the mental health discord server but tbh I think changing the outlets in which I talk is sometimes helpful. It doesn't really make sense, but I guess to me it does. Maybe it has to do with the thought that I have more than one place to go. I don't know. Nothing makes sense anymore.

Today has not been my day. I'm finally having to accept that I have to give up on my longest and one of my most important friendships. It hurts the most because it isn't even the person's fault, its her mother's. I feel so awful about needing to give up most of our friendship but I really can't deal with the stress anymore. It is wearing down what little security I have left.
Today someone from a very painful part of my past messaged me. Just when I thought I was finally getting over all the heartache from that time, I had to get it brought up all again...
I really hurt. It all hurts so bad. I feel so useless that I can't be strong enough on my own. I hate burdening so many people like this. I keep thinking all over again about what it would be like if I wasn't here anymore. I wonder if I'd succeed if I tried to end it all again. So many questions might be answered.
I wonder what it really is that is wrong with me. Anxiety, depression, I don't know. Could it even be something else? There are so many horrible mental illnesses that run in my family, its a constant guessing game at which effect me. I could just be going crazy. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore..

 

[kodoku]

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Nowadays if I had anything I wanted to talk about I'd go to the mental health discord server but tbh I think changing the outlets in which I talk is sometimes helpful. It doesn't really make sense, but I guess to me it does. Maybe it has to do with the thought that I have more than one place to go. I don't know. Nothing makes sense anymore.

Today has not been my day. I'm finally having to accept that I have to give up on my longest and one of my most important friendships. It hurts the most because it isn't even the person's fault, its her mother's. I feel so awful about needing to give up most of our friendship but I really can't deal with the stress anymore. It is wearing down what little security I have left.
Today someone from a very painful part of my past messaged me. Just when I thought I was finally getting over all the heartache from that time, I had to get it brought up all again...
I really hurt. It all hurts so bad. I feel so useless that I can't be strong enough on my own. I hate burdening so many people like this. I keep thinking all over again about what it would be like if I wasn't here anymore. I wonder if I'd succeed if I tried to end it all again. So many questions might be answered.
I wonder what it really is that is wrong with me. Anxiety, depression, I don't know. Could it even be something else? There are so many horrible mental illnesses that run in my family, its a constant guessing game at which effect me. I could just be going crazy. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore..

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I'm sorry hun, for everything.. I hope you can find the way to your friend again someday since it seems both of you would still like to be friends.. and don't worry about that, you're only human and that's okay. I can relate to your words.. the brain is so complex and unresearched, who knows what might be up with us :// but try to be strong and to take care, you are not alone.. <3

 

[Deleted member 74]

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"It surprises me how I am feeling this much pain. Those people, who have suffered worse than I, seem to go on living perfectly fine. Those weaker than I am live on as well. I guess not. Among the living, there is no one who is suffering worse and no one who is weaker."

"How could you ask me to still look for reasons behind my pain? I told you multiple times why I‘m suffering. Do I need more reasons to be in pain? More dramatic details in my stories? More stories even?"

"I asked why people live. Just. Just. They live “just because.”

"Asking the purpose of life more than one hundred times is not for me. It‘s for you."

"It was because of my personality. I see. So It’s all my fault in the end."

"If I can’t help myself breathe properly it’s better to stop breathing at all. I asked myself who was responsible for me. Only I. I was utterly alone. It’s easy to talk about the end. It’s hard to actually end. I lived until now because of that difficulty. I told myself I wanted to run. Yes, I wanted to run. From myself. From you. I asked who was there. It was me. It was me again. And it was me yet again."

Every now and then, I read Jonghyun's note for reasons I can't fathom. It's heartbreaking. I don't think I've ever understood something so well in my entire life. "It wasn't your fault, it wasn't", I think to myself over and over. Reading it makes me think so much about not only him and what he did in his time here, his moments of happiness, his pain so unavoidable it seeped into parts of his music, and how his soul has lived on despite not being here anymore, but also about my own life, about me, about how I've felt for some time now. Often, I think it's inevitable that my life will end on my own terms. That by trying to force myself to just move along, for the people in my life, because I have no good reason to be this way, I'm just buying time and each day is leading up to that moment. I remind myself of a person fighting half heartedly against an ocean. Even though I am genuinely doing the best I can, I can't stop sensing that. I can't stop hating myself for the fact that despite everything, I do think it would be better for everyone in my life if I was never born at all.

 

[gongchan]

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I think it makes sense c: Having more options is always a good thing. Having choices is good. No one wants to be restricted in what they can do. People want to be free. You make perfect sense.

I'm sorry you're struggling with so much. It's never easy to lose someone you care about so deeply... I don't presume to have all the answers, but I do know that people do care about you, and I seriously doubt they see you as a burden. They want to help you shoulder your burdens.

And I don't think you're crazy at all. Whenever I talk with you, you give me the impression of someone smart and hardworking and kind. I don't think crazy c: You are not crazy. You're dealing with a lot and being strong enough to open up about it. That's who you are. The opposite of crazy and nonsensical :) <3

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I’m glad you understand.

Thank you. Sometimes it’s hard for me to see that I’m not a burden and I’m not crazy but it just feels so difficult.

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I'm sorry hun, for everything.. I hope you can find the way to your friend again someday since it seems both of you would still like to be friends.. and don't worry about that, you're only human and that's okay. I can relate to your words.. the brain is so complex and unresearched, who knows what might be up with us :// but try to be strong and to take care, you are not alone.. <3

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Thank you.. I hope I can too. I just can’t be around her right now because of her mother, and I don’t want her to hate me for it.
It just doesn’t make sense, and I wish it did.

 

[gongchan]

I just want to say I that i hope all of you know that you are loved and that you matter no matter how bad or hopeless things may seem at the moment. I would love to be able to stay here and talk with you guys but its still a triggering topic for me, although I am doing far better. Just don't give up, so many people care about you and want the best for you, so never forget that, and thank you to @kodoku and the others who help each other both on here and on different platforms

Sorry this is short and worded badly, but I just needed to get that off my chest

Thank you, Vikki <333

Its good to hear you are doing better, too.

 

[kodoku]

I just want to say I that i hope all of you know that you are loved and that you matter no matter how bad or hopeless things may seem at the moment. I would love to be able to stay here and talk with you guys but its still a triggering topic for me, although I am doing far better. Just don't give up, so many people care about you and want the best for you, so never forget that, and thank you to @kodoku and the others who help each other both on here and on different platforms

Sorry this is short and worded badly, but I just needed to get that off my chest

Aw thank you angel, so glad you are doing okay... Hopefully we all get there❤❤❤

 

[Ashla_K]

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I don't even know how to start this but I just want some advise.

I think I've been dealing a lot of anxiety and depression for a long time, this isn't something that was diagnosed by a professional but I've being feeling really bad (I got out from a toxic relationship and then got fired from my job) and at the same time trying to put my best face so people won't even notice. I know I'm not well because I feel tired all the time, this is actually affecting every aspect of my life now, even going outside is getting harder for me. I suddenly feel so worried and I can't concentrate even If I try my best.

This situation is so frustating to the point I have negative thoughts very often, even thinking of harming myself, something that I never contemplated before. This is my first time talking about it because I'm really shy and private in real life, I can't take myself to talk to anybody not even my family not because I feel they won't support me but I don't want to worry them with my issues when they have their own, I don't have many friends also.
I've really forced myself to do the things I usually do as if nothing happens (I even got a new job after a month of being fired), because I thought it was just me being stressed and not that big deal but time passes by and I'm still feeling like this. I've tried to find other activities that would make me feel better, scrolling down this forum and talking with you guys has been my one of my little escapes all this time but I just can't take it any longer.
Today was one of those days where I wanted to give up on everything and then I realized that's such an scary thought, I actually don't want to but I don't what to do, I'm very confused.

 

[kodoku]

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I don't even know how to start this but I just want some advise.

I think I've been dealing a lot of anxiety and depression for a long time, this isn't something that was diagnosed by a professional but I've being feeling really bad (I got out from a toxic relationship and then got fired from my job) and at the same time trying to put my best face so people won't even notice. I know I'm not well because I feel tired all the time, this is actually affecting every aspect of my life now, even going outside is getting harder for me. I suddenly feel so worried and I can't concentrate even If I try my best.

This situation is so frustating to the point I have negative thoughts very often, even thinking of harming myself, something that I never contemplated before. This is my first time talking about it because I'm really shy and private in real life, I can't take myself to talk to anybody not even my family not because I feel they won't support me but I don't want to worry them with my issues when they have their own, I don't have many friends also.
I've really forced myself to do the things I usually do as if nothing happens (I even got a new job after a month of being fired), because I thought it was just me being stressed and not that big deal but time passes by and I'm still feeling like this. I've tried to find other activities that would make me feel better, scrolling down this forum and talking with you guys has been my one of my little escapes all this time but I just can't take it any longer.
Today was one of those days where I wanted to give up on everything and then I realized that's such an scary thought, I actually don't want to but I don't what to do, I'm very confused.

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first of all, I'm sorry things have been tough. I would recommend talking to a relative or friend, the people who love you will never think of you as burden and will surely try to help you. I also think you should talk to your general doctor, maybe get some tests done. I hope you are taking care of your physical health because if you aren't, it increases the chances of your mental health worsening. And please do talk to a professional about how you've been feelng. We are always here for you <3

 

[Ashla_K]

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first of all, I'm sorry things have been tough. I would recommend talking to a relative or friend, the people who love you will never think of you as burden and will surely try to help you. I also think you should talk to your general doctor, maybe get some tests done. I hope you are taking care of your physical health because if you aren't, it increases the chances of your mental health worsening. And please do talk to a professional about how you've been feelng. We are always here for you <3

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Thank you for your advice. I'm seriously thinking of going to therapy, although Idk when I will be able to talk about it with someone else.
I think I've been accumulating things for so long that now I feel overwhelmed and exhausted, everything is coming out at the same time.
I really appreciate your help.

 

[kodoku]

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Thank you for your advice. I'm seriously thinking of going to therapy, although Idk when I will be able to talk about it with someone else.
I think I've been accumulating things for so long that now I feel overwhelmed and exhausted, everything is coming out at the same time.
I really appreciate your help.

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no problem at all hun <3 If talking is too hard right now, you could write things down and give them to your therapist to look at, it sounds like a good start

 

[kodoku]

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I am tired. Of this world, of my life, of others, and of myself. Of the past, the present, and the future. I'm sick of the pettiness and malice, the gossip and the pointless games people waste themselves away playing every single day. Aren't they tired too? I am exhausted and I don't want to pity myself, but I feel like I never really had a chance considering the story forced upon me and my own body and mind always working against me. I'm still young, but I feel like I'm a thousand years old. I feel like the damage is too bad and the help will never arrive. I will continue to struggle, to try and to fail, until I meet an end as pitiful as everything that came before it, still alone. But aren't I already dead? It's too hard... Even though I'm better than ever, even if I've been through much worse than this, and the pain is nothing compared to what it once was. I haven't grown stronger but weaker. Is it okay to miss the pain that nearly killed me? The times I've wanted to end it and imagined each detail in my head are countless. If I were to die right now, people would cry for a few weeks or months, yes. They would talk as if they knew me, but no. No one knows me because no one bothers to get to know me. If I were to die right now, everyone but me would be surprised. Because my death wouldn't be something sudden or strange at all. It would be natural, something that was in the back of my mind since my brother planted it there when I was a little girl. I'm tired of everything from my ugly reflection in the mirror to the lady in the bus who was so selfish and rude to me. Maybe I don't want to get better, maybe I just want it to be over. Hope might only be leading me on and prolonging my pointless suffering. The truth is that I hate myself, each scar and every single flaw. Being me is being locked in a cage of agony. Dreaming only dreams that won't ever come true. No matter how I try to believe, I am faithless. Whatever I try to build, I just end up circling back to solitude. Even if I know I am a beautiful soul who has lots of kindness in her heart and lots of potential for creating meaningful art too, it's useless, isn't it? There's so much more I could say, but... I am tired. And I think I am tired beyond repair

apologies for selfishly sharing these depressing thoughts, no need to respond eiher...

 

[gongchan]

Spoiler: rant

I am tired. Of this world, of my life, of others, and of myself. Of the past, the present, and the future. I'm sick of the pettiness and malice, the gossip and the pointless games people waste themselves away playing every single day. Aren't they tired too? I am exhausted and I don't want to pity myself, but I feel like I never really had a chance considering the story forced upon me and my own body and mind always working against me. I'm still young, but I feel like I'm a thousand years old. I feel like the damage is too bad and the help will never arrive. I will continue to struggle, to try and to fail, until I meet an end as pitiful as everything that came before it, still alone. But aren't I already dead? It's too hard... Even though I'm better than ever, even if I've been through much worse than this, and the pain is nothing compared to what it once was. I haven't grown stronger but weaker. Is it okay to miss the pain that nearly killed me? The times I've wanted to end it and imagined each detail in my head are countless. If I were to die right now, people would cry for a few weeks or months, yes. They would talk as if they knew me, but no. No one knows me because no one bothers to get to know me. If I were to die right now, everyone but me would be surprised. Because my death wouldn't be something sudden or strange at all. It would be natural, something that was in the back of my mind since my brother planted it there when I was a little girl. I'm tired of everything from my ugly reflection in the mirror to the lady in the bus who was so selfish and rude to me. Maybe I don't want to get better, maybe I just want it to be over. Hope might only be leading me on and prolonging my pointless suffering. The truth is that I hate myself, each scar and every single flaw. Being me is being locked in a cage of agony. Dreaming only dreams that won't ever come true. No matter how I try to believe, I am faithless. Whatever I try to build, I just end up circling back to solitude. Even if I know I am a beautiful soul who has lots of kindness in her heart and lots of potential for creating meaningful art too, it's useless, isn't it? There's so much more I could say, but... I am tired. And I think I am tired beyond repair

apologies for selfishly sharing these depressing thoughts, no need to respond eiher...

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I really understand your thoughts.. I just wish I knew how to help you. Just always remember that we're here for you and that we all cherish you so much, no matter what...

There is really no need for apologizing, either. You are not selfish for sharing these thoughts, after all that is what this thread is for. Sharing these thoughts is anything but selfish. I hope you know that.

 

[kodoku]

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I really understand your thoughts.. I just wish I knew how to help you. Just always remember that we're here for you and that we all cherish you so much, no matter what...

There is really no need for apologizing, either. You are not selfish for sharing these thoughts, after all that is what this thread is for. Sharing these thoughts is anything but selfish. I hope you know that.

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I know the distance makes it impossible for me to truly be there for you, bestie. I wish I could come to Germany right this moment and give you a hug. I wouldn't let go. Not even if someone were cracking a whip on my back and screaming at me to.

I also know that you're right. I know the distance makes it impossible for me to truly know you as much as I would like. If you'd ever like to tell me more about your life, though, I would love to listen to your story c:

And I was being serious too, that one time when I said I would write a poem for you if you passed away. I'm not saying it would be perfect, like, "Oh my gosh! It's like Robert Frost came back to life to immortalize me!" But I would give it my very best shot, I promise <3 I would share it again on every anniversary. As long as there is breath in my body, I would make sure no one forgets how truly wonderful you were.

(That means you're truly wonderful now, by the way. Don't say otherwise >_<)

Also, I know what you said contradicts these points, but you were able to say these things once. I'm thinking they're still true deep down <3 From your old thread:

- please stop investing your time and energy into things and people you dislike.... instead, dedicate yourself to stuff that makes you happy and spread positivity. Trust me, you will be much happier... and the world will be a better place too

- trust in time. remember all the tough times that you lived through, how you survived literally every single bad day, and that you will rise above this as well. No matter what's going on, know you are not alone and believe that you will be okay <3

Remind yourself/others of something important - K-Pop Source — Keeping the K-Pop Forum Spirit Alive

It can be anything..........whether it's to wash your socks tomorrow or the meaning of life hihi :) ......let's just share some thoughts :) mine: - this planet doesn't need us, but we need this planet. Please treat nature well and animals too... they are not this inferior species put on this...

www.kpopsource.com

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thank you girls <3

 

[Kelly]

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I've cried so much over the last 24 hours that I actually feel numb. I have the worst headache, and I don't even want to go outside today. I don't care if it sounds stupid anymore but M*nsta X has helped me so much with my mental health so to see all of this happen is making me crumble. I can't cope. I have no one who will understand how I'm feeling. My support system is basically non-existent, not just with this situation, but in general. I can't cope with anything anymore I'm so devastated and upset and dealing with that on top of my existing anxiety disorder is just too much I really can't do this I can't

 

[kodoku]

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I've been having these nightmares lately, which involve animals getting tortured... I don't know why. Just last night, I had this nightmare that I was in this asian market and they had brought out this big platter of steamed fish to eat. It looked so sad to me. Everyone was talking about other stuff and goofing off. And then the fish moved its head. It looked around sadly, dazed, like it didn't know what was going on. In its eyes I could somehow see the agony it was in at having been cooked... I could see it screaming internally, begging just to die. It took some tiny, pitiful sips from the sauce it was bathed in, as if hoping it would give it the same sustenance as water, perhaps not realizing that that sauce had been made from its own body... or knowing it all along. Still nobody payed attention. I started to point at it and tell everyone how wrong this is, and then the fish finally died and I woke up.

I still vividly remember the other few nightmares like this. I've been so zombified lately. And I had a mental breakdown a few days ago and thought about killing myself. That situation has improved, but I still worry it's going to happen again soon. I don't know. I'm tired.

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interesting.. I've had such horrible nightmares too (mostly with dead pigs), I wonder what they mean... I'm sorry you're not feeling well bestie. I'm here for you and hope things get better soon <3

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I've cried so much over the last 24 hours that I actually feel numb. I have the worst headache, and I don't even want to go outside today. I don't care if it sounds stupid anymore but M*nsta X has helped me so much with my mental health so to see all of this happen is making me crumble. I can't cope. I have no one who will understand how I'm feeling. My support system is basically non-existent, not just with this situation, but in general. I can't cope with anything anymore I'm so devastated and upset and dealing with that on top of my existing anxiety disorder is just too much I really can't do this I can't

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it's not stupid if it meant something to you, no one but you decides that and no one has the right to judge. I'm very sorry for how things are. It may not be much, but I support you, I am here for you...... please stay strong <3