Child you & You now (1 Viewer)

[kodoku]

tell me how you were as a child.. your personality, your dreams back then.. and in what ways have you changed, and why? do you feel you've gotten better or worse? what were the moments that shaped you into the person you are now? or maybe you could just tell me your thoughts about kids, our childhood days, and growing up in general..

Spoiler: my own blah blahs about this

feel free to ignore all this, but I just have many thoughts when it comes to this topic and I want to express at least some in my own messy way.. in the end, I always go back to them......... especially these days, after my grandpa passed away and since I've had a lot of time to think.. and also because I've been watching a lot of anime and you know, all those flashbacks during fights and their sad childhoods give me flashbacks of my sad childhood lol makes me wonder at what exact moment things go wrong, we lose our innocence and sooner or later become tainted by this world, it seems.. if feels like the memories of careless laughter and our bright selves become more transparent and fade away as years go by.. is that what "growing up" is? and is there a way to avoid this? is there a way to go back to our once hopeful and vivid selves...? tbh sometimes I wonder how people even dare to have kids anymore because, sadly, the world is a messed up place and I feel like things are getting harder.. personally, I always believed that a person can stay pure regardless of what their body does, that they can remain pure as long as their heart still is... but when it comes to myself, it's different.. these days, I keep thinking oh it's too late and that I'm too far gone and similar things.. life is hard, the world is cruel, and even if you try to somehow be kind to yourself, most people are just so judgemental and unforgiving.. in my opinion, not allowing someone to move on from their mistakes is one of the cruelest things you can do.. and also, recently I re-watched Minene's death scene (Mirai Nikki) and it made me remember a conversation I had with a friend once which made me remember this whole thing.. basically and I know this probably sounds weird, but like Minene, I've also had a sad little girl, my child self, follow me around all my life. Maybe it's just me but I literally envision her, wanting to go back and save her, but I can't seem to and so she remains forever young and frozen in a state of sadness.. this is personal and hard to say tbh, but yeah.. and I think that what this means is that I need to fix things and get closure for her, for myself.. in order to finally be able to really move on and properly live my life.. idk if there even is a way to fix things for me anymore, but I'll try, again hehe....

 

[igloo]

as a child i wanted to fit in very badly
i was always very lonely and resentful of those around me
i wanted to be an inventor and bring the ideas in my head to life
i've definitely gotten better with dealing with these emotions and realities
and i've held onto people better now
at least for now
but i don't plan on letting go
growing up for me has meant a lot of reflection
the moments that have shaped me the most
i don't think there were many singular moments
more like a slow acknowledgement of my position and feelings
and how to deal with them
i think growing up was acknowledging that giving up and living alone wasn't an answer

 

[kodoku]

as a child i wanted to fit in very badly
i was always very lonely and resentful of those around me
i wanted to be an inventor and bring the ideas in my head to life
i've definitely gotten better with dealing with these emotions and realities
and i've held onto people better now
at least for now
but i don't plan on letting go
growing up for me has meant a lot of reflection
the moments that have shaped me the most
i don't think there were many singular moments
more like a slow acknowledgement of my position and feelings
and how to deal with them
i think growing up was acknowledging that giving up and living alone wasn't an answer

that's kinda beautiful <3

 

[Mew]

Huh.. My innocence was lost quite early, being exposed to many things out of my control...it was kinda a double life, from the outside I was a innocent child to anyone simple life, watching cartoons and doing child things to degree.
It kinda made me feel somewhat out of place from time to time, like when kids were discussing what they did on the weekends, playing outside and such. I was cleaning, washing my clothes in a bath tub, calming my brother, getting smacked for silly things, not having enough money for food or electric, just responsibilities all round really.
I think as an adult I'm more prepared than most but I cling on to moments of sillyness cause it creates a good balance cause I can't be serious and responsible all the time just where it counts.

 

[kodoku]

Huh.. My innocence was lost quite early, being exposed to many things out of my control...it was kinda a double life, from the outside I was a innocent child to anyone simple life, watching cartoons and doing child things to degree.
It kinda made me feel somewhat out of place from time to time, like when kids were discussing what they did on the weekends, playing outside and such. I was cleaning, washing my clothes in a bath tub, calming my brother, getting smacked for silly things, not having enough money for food or electric, just responsibilities around really.
I think as an adult I'm more prepared than most but I cling on to moments of sillyness cause it creates a good balance cause I can't be serious and responsible all the time just where it counts.

I'm sorry for that. Personally, I really think that every person regardless of what they become later in life, deserves a happy childhood..

 

[gongchan]

Technically, I'm still a child, but I've changed a lot these past 5 years. I've seen and been through so much that has altered my life forever. When I was far younger, I had different dreams. I desired to grow and work past so many odds that were against me. Now, much of that motivation is lost. A lot has happened, really, and I guess I could blame it on that. Losing the closest person to you as a young teenager can really affect a lot, and I think some of that is why I've changed so much in just this past year even. I'm still a child now though, and I could change even more, but I am far different than who I was even a few years ago. My aspirations have changed, and I've started to see things more realistically. Growing up with so many health issues and so many problems around me has really brought an effect on me, and I don't know if I've ever recovered from that. I wish I could go back to my younger childhood, and just relive the moments where I felt truly in place, and where my dreams were big and I had hope for the future. I guess my personality was better back then, too. I had friends, and people who cared about me. Now a lot of those people are gone too. So, ultimately, a lot of the aspects as myself have worsened as time has went on, and how I've grown up... but I hope maybe I can become who I want to be again in these last few years of my childhood.
Didn't mean for that to sound like a pity party.. sorry.

 

[kodoku]

Technically, I'm still a child, but I've changed a lot these past 5 years. I've seen and been through so much that has altered my life forever. When I was far younger, I had different dreams. I desired to grow and work past so many odds that were against me. Now, much of that motivation is lost. A lot has happened, really, and I guess I could blame it on that. Losing the closest person to you as a young teenager can really affect a lot, and I think some of that is why I've changed so much in just this past year even. I'm still a child now though, and I could change even more, but I am far different than who I was even a few years ago. My aspirations have changed, and I've started to see things more realistically. Growing up with so many health issues and so many problems around me has really brought an effect on me, and I don't know if I've ever recovered from that. I wish I could go back to my younger childhood, and just relive the moments where I felt truly in place, and where my dreams were big and I had hope for the future. I guess my personality was better back then, too. I had friends, and people who cared about me. Now a lot of those people are gone too. So, ultimately, a lot of the aspects as myself have worsened as time has went on, and how I've grown up... but I hope maybe I can become who I want to be again in these last few years of my childhood.
Didn't mean for that to sound like a pity party.. sorry.

there's no need to say sorry at all. This is what this thread is for and I asked you guys to tell me, so I thank you for that :) I'm happy to hear a bit of your story,, and I'm so sorry about all this hardship you've had to face and at such a young age.. this is what I am feeling and trying to say too, so I can understand why you'd feel as you do.. I hope you are taking care of yourself as much as you can, but just in case, know you can talk to me if you ever need to <3

 

[Mew]

I'm sorry for that. Personally, I really think that every person regardless of what they become later in life, deserves a happy childhood..

I agree but life isn't fair like that. Its not like I didn't have happy moments even if they were self made, I turned out fine considering but it would have been nice to have a happy simple childhood. Silver lining is I'm great at adulting ☺

 

[kodoku]

I agree but life isn't fair like that. Its not like I didn't have happy moments even if they were self made, I turned out fine considering but it would have been nice to have a happy simple childhood. Silvering lining is I'm great at adulting ☺

yeah sadly that's how it is. Not to sound weird, but you seem like such a strong person and it's just awesome to me lol, so just.. good for you :D

 

[honeyfornomoney]

I was such a talkative and energetic child lol I would always say "hi" to random strangers on the streets XD but for some reason I became super shy and isolated myself from everyone. Tho, now that I have my self esteem I have been making a progress :)

 

[kodoku]

I was such a talkative and energetic child lol I would always say "hi" to random strangers on the streets XD but for some reason I became super shy and isolated myself from everyone. Tho, now that I have my self esteem I have been making a progress :)

that's relatable, similar to me in a way... but yeahh I'm proud of you girlie, keep going <3

 

[Tickita]

Was so quiet I didn't know my own voice if I had to think about it. Super shy. I wanted to be an author or gymnast. Always had a teacher writing that I needed to talk more on my reports.

I started talking and being myself in high school. Maybe being homeschooled in middle school had something to do with that, I'm not really sure. What changed me was literally taking the MBTI at age 16. Now, I know I have no serious issues and I'm just intoverted. And I have accepted myself. I'm a better person now because I let me be me and interact with those I choose to interact with.

 

[yeji]

I was super shy and wasn’t confident as a child. nowadays it changed

 

[dark_tranquility]

As a child I was odd and strange and didn't know what to make of the world.
still have those odd ticks every now and then.

but at least I am a nice and caring person.