Sensitive My siblings are hate me / Will I end up in psychiatric hospital? (1 Viewer)

[WinterGirl]

Firstly, I have to say that I am better now and I was able to calm myself down already, but my mood still totally dark and I feel myself heavy...
My soul is really hurt because
I feel that my siblings are hate me. Mostly my younger brother.
Today we had a serious fight. We hurted each others physically too... He knows very well that I am unwell mentally and I am sensitive, but he provoked me whole day and he even slapped me on face on a point, therefore I also got aggressive myself...
What made the whole thing worse is that since that fight my brother keep saying cruel things to me... He says that our family should had send me into a psychiatric hospital or a mental asylum already and that I should had get sedative injections because I am unable to act normally...
It isn't true that I am unable to act normally... I am not aggressive usually, but now I am the one who is totally crazy - this is what both of my siblings claim.

I know that this stuff seems to be childish, but not to me. Actually I am desperate and I have a fear that I really will end up in a psychiatric hospital in the future...
Plus bad thoughts coming in my mind again because I feel that I have no a single person on this damned world who would be able to accept and love me...
You know, I can't go to my grandparents and our mother doesn't cares about us too much since we are adults now... What I can only say about my father that we never had a real parent-child realationship because he has paranoid schizophrenia...
This last thing in my life is that what gives me fear and actually this is why my brother's words so cruel to me...
Around three years ago I was diagnosed with a personality disorder and depression and there was a period when I was treated with pharmacotherapy, but I didn't want to end up in hospital.
Actually I have a real fear that this will be my future...

 

[maruberry]

Firstly, I have to say that I am better now and I was able to calm myself down already, but my mood still totally dark and I feel myself heavy...
My soul is really hurt because
I feel that my siblings are hate me. Mostly my younger brother.
Today we had a serious fight. We hurted each others physically too... He knows very well that I am unwell mentally and I am sensitive, but he provoked me whole day and he even slapped me on face on a point, therefore I also got aggressive myself...
What made the whole thing worse is that since that fight my brother keep saying cruel things to me... He says that our family should had send me into a psychiatric hospital or a mental asylum already and that I should had get sedative injections because I am unable to act normally...
It isn't true that I am unable to act normally... I am not aggressive usually, but now I am the one who is totally crazy - this is what both of my siblings claim.

I know that this stuff seems to be childish, but not to me. Actually I am desperate and I have a fear that I really will end up in a psychiatric hospital in the future...
Plus bad thoughts coming in my mind again because I feel that I have no a single person on this damned world who would be able to accept and love me...
You know, I can't go to my grandparents and our mother doesn't cares about us too much since we are adults now... What I can only say about my father that we never had a real parent-child realationship because he has
paranoid schizophrenia...
This last thing in my life is that what gives me fear and actually this is why my brother's words so cruel to me...
Around three years ago I was diagnosed with a personality disorder and depression and there was a period when I was treated with pharmacotherapy, but I didn't want to end up in hospital.
Actually I have a real fear that this will be my future...

That sounds like a horrible situation and I assume there is no way for you to get away from your brothers either.... Bcs if you do have a way.... run and run fast.
You are not unlovable. Just because the person who can and will love you isn't here yet, doesn't mean they aren't out there. You should never stop hoping, never stop looking. Don't give up.
Even if it seems like the only way is down for you, that is alright, because you never know when there will arrive an opportunity for things to get better. Things won't stay the same and they WILL get better eventually.

I hope things improve for you.

 

[kodoku]

I'm very sorry you have to deal with all this, it must be horrible.. mental illness and family issues can be so bad, but when you have both it gets a lot harder.. I really feel for you hun. still, I think that your siblings probably don't actually hate you. I can completely understand why you'd feel that they do based on their words and actions, but sometimes us humans act in such ways when the true reason is actually something else entirely. I pray things get better soon, please stay strong <3

 

[blueberries]

Doesn't sound like good environment for you. Lot of us go through dark periods, but that isn't our future. I'm sure you can get past this too. Even if the ur worst fear would happen, know that it's still no the end. But that doesn't mean it has to happen, even when u are in the bottom.

I'm sad for u that you don't have the support you need. Sometimes nothing can comfort, even nice words and acts of close ones, but it surely is better than being scolded for things u can't affect. And ur brother is being mean, you don't deserve that and it isn't true what he's saying. I hope you can get to better place, both with urself and people around you.

 

[WinterGirl]

That sounds like a horrible situation and I assume there is no way for you to get away from your brothers either.... Bcs if you do have a way.... run and run fast.
You are not unlovable. Just because the person who can and will love you isn't here yet, doesn't mean they aren't out there. You should never stop hoping, never stop looking. Don't give up.
Even if it seems like the only way is down for you, that is alright, because you never know when there will arrive an opportunity for things to get better. Things won't stay the same and they WILL get better eventually.

I hope things improve for you.

Thanks for your words! Actually when I am in this terrible state then I also always try to think about what you wrote... That this is possible that there is someone in the world who could love me, although I didn't met that person yet... This thought give me a little more power to not give it up and continue to live. Even if it isn't help change the fact that I am alone.

 

[blueberries]

I'm very sorry you have to deal with all this, it must be horrible.. mental illness and family issues can be so bad, but when you have both it gets a lot harder.. I really feel for you hun. still, I think that your siblings probably don't actually hate you. I can completely understand why you'd feel that they do based on their words and actions, but sometimes us humans act in such ways when the true reason is actually something else entirely. I pray things get better soon, please stay strong <3

Actually this made me think I bit and I want to expand with my thoughts. So sometimes when ur fighting or mad at someone you will want to hit them where it hurts. Even if you don't rly mean what you are saying, if you are close to person you know what hits the hardest and when ur angry you might use it, even if you don't rly think it.

 

[yeji]

oh sweetheart I am so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you do know that there are people who adore and love you now and in the future you will meet even more that do that.

 

[dark_tranquility]

I have been in psychiatric hospital many times before and I also have paranoid schizophrenia, but it's manageable for me most times.
I care about you and think you are a great girl. Things will get better, these situations don't stay like them forever. :)