a rant from a mean lesbian (me) (1 Viewer)

[amourpinks]

the mean lesbian is me.

idk if anyone else has experienced this but does any other lgbt person get kinda mad when their friends try to say that they're lgbt because of stupid reasons? I'm not trying to gatekeep or anything like that... but I guess I should explain why I feel this way.

so I'm talking to my two cousins who I'm out too, they're very supportive btw, and were talking about some random shit and one thing leads to another and we end up talking about some gay shit. by gay shit, I mean like actual gay shit. one of my cousins starts talking about a tik tok I showed her of a girl wishing that she was bisexual because she doesn't like men. I expected them to say "oh being gay isn't just about not liking men, it's not a trend and being gay isn't the dream that most people think it is" instead she ends up agreeing and saying "what's wrong with this, I wish I liked women so I wouldn't have to date men" my other cousin agreed and I was kinda shocked. after that my one cousin says that she thinks shes bisexual, I mean shes said it before but I never really knew whether or not she was serious about it. and well I was kinda confused, pls don't hate me for saying this because it will sound better when I explain the rest of the story. I'm ngl she always talks about guys and how cute they are/how she wants to date them, so I really just assumed that she was straight. I know I assumed someone's sexuality im a terrible mean lesbian. but after that, I just asked her some questions cause I think she was kinda curious if she actually was.

so I ask her four questions. would you date a girl? she says no. would you have sex with a girl? she says no. would you marry a girl? she says no. would you kiss a girl? she says maybe/she would try it. the only thing that could point to her being bisexual would her saying that she would maybe kiss a girl. so I'm here like "then you probably aren't bisexual" my other cousin says "well sexuality is fluid so you might be" and I'm here like " ". sure sexuality is fluid but in her case, her sexuality isn't fluid, she's straight. idk I was just kinda annoyed at how they were trying so hard to be lgbt and how they were basically saying "omg you found a few women who you thought were really pretty, your definitely bisexual". its not that simple and being gay isnt a dream of women who love women with no prejudice. our existence is literally illegal in most countries. so I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hate when straight people are so ignorant of what lgbt people go through and try so hard to be apart of the lgbt community. I know this is kinda a long rant but it's been something that's been bothering me for a while...

 

[Abeamus]

She sounds a little bi-curious at the very most but people are always trying to fit in with the trends and being LGBT has become this very weird trend that kinda defeats the point of not judging people based on their sexuality.

 

[raymondchouku]

Still waiting for the part where you're a mean lesbian? I mean what you said is true. This happens all the time. You wouldn't believe how many straight women want to be with women, because of bad experiences with men. I mean i'm sure there are plenty of women who gays of kps find pretty, but that doesn't mean they are bi-sexual. But back to your point here about the semantics of gayness: in my opinion, a bi-sexual woman who is married to a man is functionally straight. She could live in Russia, Saudi Arabia, Uganda, etc... and not be assaulted, stoned, or lashed...

While bi-curious is a possibility, there are women who kiss other women without a physical attraction. So it depends. Some straight women [as men tend to be less fluid in their sexuality than women] do look at identifying as gay or bi-sexual as a way to individualize themselves. Sort of like: "Being straight is so boring. Being gay is fun and new and shiny..." It all depends though. I understand it at specific ages, but when one's identity is fully formed, I don't think its wise to label oneself as bi when they have no intent on ever being with the same-sex.

 

[amourpinks]

She sounds a little bi-curious at the very most but people are always trying to fit in with the trends and being LGBT has become this very weird trend that kinda defeats the point of not judging people based on their sexuality.

that's kinda what I thought too so I didn't want to sound like I was trying to deny her sexuality but after I asked her those questions I already knew that "hey shes probably straight, but don't sound like an asshole and say that she's just doing it because it's trendy to hate men and date women right now"

 

[amourpinks]

Still waiting for the part where you're a mean lesbian? I mean what you said is true. This happens all the time. You wouldn't believe how many straight women want to be with women, because of bad experiences with men. I mean i'm sure there are plenty of women who gays of kps find pretty, but that doesn't mean they are bi-sexual. But back to your point here about the semantics of gayness: in my opinion, a bi-sexual woman who is married to a man is functionally straight. She could live in Russia, Saudi Arabia, Uganda, etc... and not be assaulted, stoned, or lashed...

While bi-curious is a possibility, there are women who kiss other women without a physical attraction. So it depends. Some straight women [as men tend to be less fluid in their sexuality than women] do look at identifying as gay or bi-sexual as a way to individualize themselves. Sort of like: "Being straight is so boring. Being gay is fun and new and shiny..." It all depends though. I understand it at specific ages, but when one's identity is fully formed, I don't think its wise to label oneself as bi when they have no intent on ever being with the same-sex.

idk I've just seen a lot other women say the same thing as me and then get hated on for gatekeeping and shit like that so I'm always trying to be cautious of what I say.

I think people tend to think that kissing a girl one time and liking it makes them bisexual or gay. just because you liked kissing a woman doesn't mean that you're not straight. if you don't want to have sex with a woman, don't want to date a women and can't see you spending the rest of your life with a woman then in my opinion you arent lesbian/bisexual. the lgbt community as of late can also be blamed for this because they're accepting everyone and anyone and telling them that they're valid when in all reality these are just straight people who feel left out now that lgbt people are getting more spotlight. it sounds harsh but its the truth.

 

[Abeamus]

that's kinda what I thought too so I didn't want to sound like I was trying to deny her sexuality but after I asked her those questions I already knew that "hey shes probably straight, but don't sound like an asshole and say that she's just doing it because it's trendy to hate men and date women right now"

Well worst they could do is try and call you homophobic and really if she's very clear that she won't date or sleep with a woman then there's no reason for her to label herself as bisexual considering people are gonna assume she'd do both of those things.

 

[spicy_illusion]

I don't think you're mean at all.
She could say things that are completely opposite to what she is feeling as she is not sure what she is yet, but then I could be wrong.
Maybe she is just bi curious but bi curious can for some girls lead to being attracted to other women even if they don't know it yet.
I think if this is the case, she might need to experiment but with someone who wants no strings attached and they know what her situation is, as if she sleeps with someone who wants to be serious, it will end up horrible.

As for saying she's bisexual just because she has had enough of men, you are right, however, I would ask her some more questions like 'why are you suddenly feeling this way and what made you come out with saying you think you may be bi?'.
Make her open up to you more about this situation.

I hope you get more clarity.

 

[Ahsoka]

As someone who wanted to be another sexuality and almost managed to convince myself I was ig I can see it. But I was the opposite, I did it because as a lesbian in a non accepting family I wanted to fit in.

 

[amourpinks]

I don't think you're mean at all.
She could say things that are completely opposite to what she is feeling as she is not sure what she is yet, but then I could be wrong.
Maybe she is just bi curious but bi curious can for some girls lead to being attracted to other women even if they don't know it yet.
I think if this is the case, she might need to experiment but with someone who wants no strings attached and they know what her situation is, as if she sleeps with someone who wants to be serious, it will end up horrible.

As for saying she's bisexual just because she has had enough of men, you are right, however, I would ask her some more questions like 'why are you suddenly feeling this way and what made you come out with saying you think you may be bi?'.
Make her open up to you more about this situation.

I hope you get more clarity.

she's been quite open to me about multiple things and she's not one to be shy about something like her sexuality, she doesn't really have a reason to lie. if it was to family that wasn't accepting I would understand but she's talking to a lesbian who would be in the same position as her if she actually did like girls. at first, I thought maybe she could be lying but I just don't think its something she would do. she seemed pretty confident in her answers when it came to saying no. I didn't really get to ask her much about it because it was one of those times where the subject was done pretty quickly after something else suddenly came up.
I think my best guess at why she thought bisexual was the best term is because recently anything like maybe thinking a girl is pretty is making people think that "Woah, am I actually straight?". Of course, questioning is normal but as of recent people question everything when it comes to their sexuality without actually taking into every factor into consideration.

 

[amourpinks]

As someone who wanted to be another sexuality and almost managed to convince myself I was ig I can see it. But I was the opposite, I did it because as a lesbian in a non accepting family I wanted to fit in.

I did the same thing where I denied liking women for a while but the difference is that I was trying to be straight because I didn't want the world to hate me for my sexuality.
people who want to be apart of the lgbt community so badly are only doing it because they want to be different for a bit only to shelter back to being straight because they cant actually handle what the lgbt community goes through on a daily basis.

 

[Willow]

I might be bi-curious myself

 

[dark_tranquility]

I know with my family they can talk about straight or lesbian sex, but not homosexual man sex.
It's all about acceptance and I find it kind of annoying

I am bi sexual. But lean more towards girls.

Straight people also have certain means of acceptance, rather than just accept something for what they is right by that person.
They are very ignorant I agree.

 

[yeji]

stuff like this is beyond annoying and I get how you reacted. I really don’t like it when people make comments like that. It’s like they are ignoring the hardships that go along with it. Being part of the lgbtq+ community is not a trend. just thinking that you are better of without a man on your side doesn’t make you bi, pan or demisexual.

 

[raymondchouku]

@amourpinks now that I think about it though... people talk about being bi-curious and here's where I must turn slutty:

Spoiler: 18+

People talk about being bi-curious, but I see a lot of straight saying/doing gay things and still not thinking they are lgbt. Like its not uncommon for straight men to have their gf use dildos on them. Or even a strap on... And then there's that Andrew Garfield thing that happened last year that people got upset over ... But I think erry gay man has thought about Andrew Garfield's tongue, but I digress... And then there's the fact that a good portion of straight men wouldn't turn down oral from another guy... I mean lets be honest 😆... To my point: Gayness or Biness seems to be becoming more not even nuanced, but complicated. I think for some its there and has always. For instance, I can trace my "gayness" to preadolescence, but I have seen others who didn't have such feelings until late teens... And even others who are qualified bi-sexual in that they are bi because they are with a certain person, but aren't attracted to others of the same-sex.

End... Erm, perhaps the Kinsey Scale might provide some context for sex and sexualisms here... Although I wouldn't take it too seriously, as much of his work is extremely flawed (and as a student who has been studying psychosocial processes for going on 8 years, I prolly shouldn't mention this), And I know I posted earlier, but I had more thoughts. lol... To end this off, what you and I are prolly going to do are nod our heads when specific people say their are lgbt, but inwardly roll out eyes.😆