I need some advice (1 Viewer)

[lotusflower]

Hi guys I need some advice on something. So recently I found out that my best friend’s bf has been cheating on her. They have been together for 3 years and just for context this is her first serious relationship. Now, when I first met him, he was very hostile and to me first impressions are important. I already knew he was going to be kind of a hardass, but I let it go because my BFF loves him. all four of us live together, me my bf and my best friend and her bf. Fast forward to last week, I was in the kitchen and so was her bf. Now he had got up to go use the bathroom and while he was gone, he happens to leave his phone on the kitchen table. While he’s gone his phone starts blowing up continuously. I’m also at the table doing school work and the noise was annoying me so I decided to see who it was put of curiosity and when I look it’s another girl texting him very raunchy messages. I was shocked. Mind you my best friend wasn’t at home when this happened ( she was at work) . When he came back out I didn’t say anything to him about it but I did give him dirty looks. I want to tell my friend but I don’t know how I should tell her. What should I do ?

 

[Panda]

I mean, you definitely gotta tell her. I would honestly just be straight up and tell her like how you told us. Mind you tho, she's gonna need your support if he really is cheating

 

[Cheeto]

you should tell her

 

[lotusflower]

I mean, you definitely gotta tell her. I would honestly just be straight up and tell her like how you told us. Mind you tho, she's gonna need your support if he really is cheating

I know, I really want to but she knows that I don’t like him so I’m scared of how she might react

 

[brekker]

first of all, don´t look at someone else´s phone. like there is no excuse and you were obviously reading his messages "not just glancing who is calling". just a heads up for next time.

as for your friend. I´d probably ask her how is their relationship going and whether she might sense something is off. if they are in a serious relationship usually people know each other very well. the question is - is it just texting or is something else? a texting is no light matter but at least it is something that can be worked on.

is he bored? maybe their relationship lacks spiciness and maybe they have run out of time - is it worth keeping? I imagine you are quite young, so are they - break up and enjoy your freedom.
are those just some fun roleplay-fantasy stuff? that is actually something they can work on between the two of them. maybe he doesn´t really see those talks as anything serious at all, but that is his outlet. some guys like porn, others read racy fanfics, others do sexting. now, there is a question where are your borders. how much does it matter to her?
cheating? LEAVE. once a cheater always a cheater, no matter how much people try to believe that.

 

[ADORA]

Ok so hint it that her bf is cheating on her but don't actually say it

 

[lotusflower]

first of all, don´t look at someone else´s phone. like there is no excuse and you were obviously reading his messages "not just glancing who is calling". just a heads up for next time.

as for your friend. I´d probably ask her how is their relationship going and whether she might sense something is off. if they are in a serious relationship usually people know each other very well. the question is - is it just texting or is something else? a texting is no light matter but at least it is something that can worked on.

is he bored? maybe their relationship lacks spiciness and maybe they have run out of time - is it worth keeping? I imagine you are quite young, so they are - break up and enjoy your freedom.
are those just some fun roleplay-fantasy stuff? that is actually they can work on between the two of them. maybe he doesn´t really see those talks as anything serious at all, but that is his outlet. some guys like porn, others read racy fanfics, others do sexting. now, there is a question where are your borders. how much does it matter to her?
cheating? LEAVE. once a cheater always a cheater, no matter how much people try to believe that.

I get that I should not have done that but This is not the first time. She suspected before that something was off. But I reassured her that it was nothing because I didn’t want to stress her out at the time but now......

 

[Strawberry_Poppy]

N/A

 

[brekker]

I get that I should not have done that but This is not the first time. She suspected before that something was off. But I reassured her that it was nothing because I didn’t want to stress her out at the time but now.....

I mean , personally, I would tell her just to clean my conscience? and also because I see no point in staying in a relationship that is pointless or has hidden secrets. she can do with that information as she wishes that is not up to you to decide. but what you have to decide is .... will you be ok with keeping such a secret?

 

[lotusflower]

I mean , personally, I would tell her just to clean my conscience? and also because I see no point in staying in a relationship that is pointless or has hidden secrets. she can do with that information as she wishes that is not up to you to decide. but what you have to decide is .... will you be ok with keeping such a secret?

I def don’t want to keep it. I do plan on telling her soon but she loves him so much and she knows we don’t like each other so it’s a Matter of whether she’ll think I’m just trying to get rid of him because we don’t get along

 

[brekker]

I def don’t want to keep it. I do plan on telling her soon but she loves him so much and she knows we don’t like each other so it’s a Matter of whether she’ll think I’m just trying to get rid of him because we don’t get along

I get your pain and I´m sorry for that, but chick before dicks if you wish and tbh, again it is up to her to decide. if your friendship breaks down because of that, it might happen, there is that possibility, but if you want to do what is morally right ... telling her is the right thing and accepting the fact that it might result in an uneasy and awkward situation is just a part of growing up. look, they can always work it through and make their relationship even stronger and of course she will be angry at you at first, because you are a messenger of bad news but later, she will realise you are the person she can trust and that is what matters.
just understand her and accept her emotions though they might be anger, disappointment, sadness, but in the end of the day you are the good guy here.

 

[Mayday]

You can tell her but understand that you may lose her

 

[lotusflower]

Update: I told her after reading all of your advice so I sincerely thank you. Luckily she was off from work today so I was able to sit down and tell her. I told her what I had told you guys and she didn’t react the way I thought she was going too. She had told me that she saw some inappropriate messages some time ago but had brushed it off. So when I told her what I had saw,she said that I had confirmed her suspicions. She’s still very angry and crying and I’m trying my hardest not to get the urge to sucker punch him in the face when he comes home. He’s a total dickhead and she realizes what a sleaze he is. I feel really bad because it’s her first serious relationship

 

[blueberries]

Update: I told her after reading all of your advice so I sincerely thank you. Luckily she was off from work today so I was able to sit down and tell her. I told her what I had told you guys and she didn’t react the way I thought she was going too. She had told me that she saw some inappropriate messages some time ago but had brushed it off. So when I told her what I had saw,she said that I had confirmed her suspicions. She’s still very angry and crying and I’m trying my hardest not to get the urge to sucker punch him in the face when he comes home. He’s a total dickhead and she realizes what a sleaze he is. I feel really bad because it’s her first serious relationship

Glad that she didn't take it badly and u are there for her.

 

[Mayday]

Update: I told her after reading all of your advice so I sincerely thank you. Luckily she was off from work today so I was able to sit down and tell her. I told her what I had told you guys and she didn’t react the way I thought she was going too. She had told me that she saw some inappropriate messages some time ago but had brushed it off. So when I told her what I had saw,she said that I had confirmed her suspicions. She’s still very angry and crying and I’m trying my hardest not to get the urge to sucker punch him in the face when he comes home. He’s a total dickhead and she realizes what a sleaze he is. I feel really bad because it’s her first serious relationship

I'm glad it worked out well for you. A lot of the times people unfortunately blame the message giver.