I'm Going to Rant For Moment (1 Viewer)

[Lovely_Cornchips]

So this is going to be super fucking long and I'll probably have to give some trigger warnings but basically I finally got into a counselor/therapist and got the news today and I told my mom about it. My boyfriend encouraged it and I was trying for a bit but ultimately gave up because I don't really have a support system. But now I do, my boyfriend and one of my closest friends now know what's up and is supporting me too. So I'm finally making this move that I NEED to make because I am "high" functioning but I'm really unhealthy.

So basically at the start of my first year of college and maybe the end of my senior year of high school, something traumatic happened at my school. A young girl got into a car crash and died. Then her best friend was in a coma, and a little boy and his dad died too. I already have had some issues with anxiety but this kind of pushed me over and made it so I was terrified to learn how to drive but it didn't really become an issue until my parents tried forcing a job on me and also introducing the idea of learning to drive. So my timeline might be a bit off, but I recall it occurring around the time I finished High school. Keep in mind I also have ADHD and that makes accepting change especially radical change VERY hard.

So all of that coupled with my anxiety made it so I refused to learn how to drive and my mom essentially thought I was faking because that's how she always is with anything and everything when it comes to me. Because she thinks I'm overdramatic and just make shit up. So she took me to a therapist, and that therapist wanted to see me more. When I got back out to the car my mom basically was like, so did she tell you it was bullshit? When I told her it wasn't and that they wanted to see me again, she kind of shut up and said Oh.

So the reason I'm ranting about this is it has been years later, and this still affects me because it's a common thing for my mom to disregard my mental or emotional issues. I told my mom I got into counseling and then while I was on the phone with my boyfriend she overheard me mention GAD (which was something a doctor put down in my file-I didn't just pull it out of my ass). She kind of was like you should ask your sister if you have any of those symptoms (my sister doesn't have her license and is still working on it and there is a bias there so no, I'm not going to ask my sister). Then she was essentially like when do you get nervous or anxious? I never see it and basically bending over backwards to invalidate me for the thousandth time and I snapped at her and stormed upstairs.

Later on, I needed lotion and some water so I went down and she wanted to explain to me why she said what she said. She basically said I seem high functioning and that I can hold a job, and that I interact with all ages well, and I have no issues speaking my mind at home or at work. But, you see, the reason they never see any of my symptoms is because I hide it really well, HECK my boyfriend didn't realize how bad it was until more recently and he became REALLY worried for me. I am GOOD at hiding it. When I have my panic attacks I can usually conceal them somewhat or work through them. I do it CONSTANTLY and it's not HEALTHY.

I told her the reason they don't see this is because anytime I express anything NEGATIVE they resort to making me feel like shit or like a joke or call me things like princess. I have ADHD on top of my issues with anxiety and just so people are made aware I get sensory overload and one of the reactions to it is sudden and very irrational anger which they've seen come from me before and to them, it just looks like me being a brat. That's one of the reasons they call me princess along with me expressing anything negative like not wanting to do something and shit like that.

So I kind of mocked how they call me princess because I was getting exasperated because when I responded to her I told her about the time I got therapy and she basically was upset that the therapist thought something might be wrong with me. I even told her that she pulled me out of it the second I told her I was feeling better...like I was magically cured. She seemed to think I was lying about all of this happening and that I was full of shit and making it up. But I remember it because it fucking hurt me so damn much knowing my own mother thought I was faking my issues because I'm spoiled and don't want to do shit just because...like she thinks that lowly of me.

Then when I was doing the slightly mocking thing with how they call me princess and all that stuff. She said, "well you are kind of rude and mean." And I snapped and just said, " Do you ever stop to wonder why???"

I don't think I'm making any of this up and I don't understand why I'm constantly brushed aside like this??? Am I overreacting by being so upset and a bit snippy?

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

Update: I found a diary entry talking about the anxiety with driving and a job around the time I started my senior year of high school and I think I was in it until summer and near the start of college for me.

 

[mysteric]

obviously I haven’t gone through what has happened to you, but my heart breaks for you

your feelings are valid, and your family should recognize that. you’ve told them plenty of times how you don’t like the way they’re treating you yet they insist on doing so. if they wouldn’t do that to a stranger or an acquaintance, why should you, a literal family member, deal with that? you’re being perfectly reasonable in your requests imo and tbh, I would reach the same if I were to be constantly dismissed like that

 

[QueenB]

I actually really get where you are coming from. I got my driver's license late because driving gave me so much anxiety. I have Dyslexia and ADHD and it terrified me that because of my symptoms from those I could accidentally hit someone or cause a crash. Right after I got my license I was in a bad accident with friends and I've had reoccurring anxiety and nightmares since. It's been 6 years since I got my license and I don't think i'll ever be comfortable driving a car, i'm better than what I was but I also defer to others to drive places if I can.

I feel for you on your mom ignoring or disbelieving in you symptoms of anxiety. For most of my life my mother has complained that I am lazy and unfocused, she generally berated me for these things and would let teachers do it too. I actually did not know that I had been diagnosed with ADD as a child-- and had been medicated for it for a few months--until I was having trouble in high school and my mom causally mentioned that the doctors said my symptoms could become worse as I got older.

It was only in 2019 that I found out that ADD is now considered to be apart of the ADHD spectrum and i've been learning more about the symptoms of it and I've had some tense conversations with my mom about it. The perceived lazy-ness of me just not trying hard enough and me being unfocused are all symptoms. It has made me incredibly angry with her since she knew my diagnosis and never told me about it and then also saw behavior she was told i'd have but got mad at me like it was something I could control.

Honestly, it feels like you are being gaslit and I'm constantly having to fight mentally with myself that my symptoms of stuff isn't me having a shitty personality because my mom has made me feel like it is.

Tl;Dr: I empathize with the struggle to get people to understand your anxiety and symptoms. Especially, moms.

 

[Abeamus]

I think some parents have a hard time accepting their kids mental health struggles because they have to accept they're not happy and such and feel they failed as a parent if they accept it which is the wrong way to look at it but it happens.

I think the only way to get through to parents like these is by showing them research of the symptoms of your condition or getting them to talk to your therapist if they'd only believe a professional.

Only other thing I can suggest is to come at it with the mindset that you're asking for her to support you as some can be more cooperative if they feel like their kid needs their help.

 

[dark_tranquility]

My family is in complete denial about my mental health issues.
They just can't accept I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.
Even though I was 28 when I was, it should have been much sooner honestly.

I don't even mention my mental health problems to my parents anymore.
There is really no point in doing so, when they will never understand.

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

I actually really get where you are coming from. I got my driver's license late because driving gave me so much anxiety. I have Dyslexia and ADHD and it terrified me that because of my symptoms from those I could accidentally hit someone or cause a crash. Right after I got my license I was in a bad accident with friends and I've had reoccurring anxiety and nightmares since. It's been 6 years since I got my license and I don't think i'll ever be comfortable driving a car, i'm better than what I was but I also defer to others to drive places if I can.

I feel for you on your mom ignoring or disbelieving in you symptoms of anxiety. For most of my life my mother has complained that I am lazy and unfocused, she generally berated me for these things and would let teachers do it too. I actually did not know that I had been diagnosed with ADD as a child-- and had been medicated for it for a few months--until I was having trouble in high school and my mom causally mentioned that the doctors said my symptoms could become worse as I got older.

It was only in 2019 that I found out that ADD is now considered to be apart of the ADHD spectrum and i've been learning more about the symptoms of it and I've had some tense conversations with my mom about it. The perceived lazy-ness of me just not trying hard enough and me being unfocused are all symptoms. It has made me incredibly angry with her since she knew my diagnosis and never told me about it and then also saw behavior she was told i'd have but got mad at me like it was something I could control.

Honestly, it feels like you are being gaslit and I'm constantly having to fight mentally with myself that my symptoms of stuff isn't me having a shitty personality because my mom has made me feel like it is.

Tl;Dr: I empathize with the struggle to get people to understand your anxiety and symptoms. Especially, moms.

Thank you. ADHD is a lot more than just being unfocused. My sensory overload messes with me a lot and I've learned to control it more but when I was younger, I didn't know any better, and even now I sometimes lose my cool a bit. But my parents kind of use my needs when it comes to that as some sort of joke or way to taunt me and make me feel bad.

Now that I'm older I understand why I'm like that and that it's not necessarily something I can control. Just as someone with autism can't be expected to control it. I don't think I've ever explained it to my parents but also, I think you can see maybe why I haven't said anything to them. They'll think I'm making it up.

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

obviously I haven’t gone through what has happened to you, but my heart breaks for you

your feelings are valid, and your family should recognize that. you’ve told them plenty of times how you don’t like the way they’re treating you yet they insist on doing so. if they wouldn’t do that to a stranger or an acquaintance, why should you, a literal family member, deal with that? you’re being perfectly reasonable in your requests imo and tbh, I would reach the same if I were to be constantly dismissed like that

I think some parents have a hard time accepting their kids mental health struggles because they have to accept they're not happy and such and feel they failed as a parent if they accept it which is the wrong way to look at it but it happens.

I think the only way to get through to parents like these is by showing them research of the symptoms of your condition or getting them to talk to your therapist if they'd only believe a professional.

Only other thing I can suggest is to come at it with the mindset that you're asking for her to support you as some can be more cooperative if they feel like their kid needs their help.

Thanks, guys.

Also @Gogije I sadly for other reasons don't feel the most comfortable asking them for help or support. I just want them to leave me alone at this point and keep their opinions to themselves. Also, I've had professionals mentions anxiety and possible depression as well as Bi-polar disorder. To my parents it means nothing, especially my mom. She thinks because I'm high functioning unlike my sister that I don't have an issue.

 

[dark_tranquility]

Please stay well and healthy. We need to get through this together, I believe KS is a family.
And as a family we need to always look out for one another, even if our parents won't.

 

[Abeamus]

Thanks, guys.

Also @Gogije I sadly for other reasons don't feel the most comfortable asking them for help or support. I just want them to leave me alone at this point and keep their opinions to themselves. Also, I've had professionals mentions anxiety and possible depression as well as Bi-polar disorder. To my parents it means nothing, especially my mom. She thinks because I'm high functioning unlike my sister that I don't have an issue.

It's understandable, not everyone who has kids makes good parents and if you think your parents are detrimental to your health which I can see why you think that and it's probably for the best that you distance yourself from them and focus on those who you feel do give you the support you need.

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

Please stay well and healthy. We need to get through this together, I believe KS is a family.
And as a family we need to always look out for one another, even if our parents won't.

Thank you-I appreciate it and also sorry about your situation. Schizophrenia can be one of the disorders that can be really hard to understand or come to terms with and it sucks that you don't have a support system with it.

 

[Lovely_Cornchips]

It's understandable, not everyone who has kids makes good parents and if you think your parents are detrimental to your health which I can see why you think that and it's probably for the best that you distance yourself from them and focus on those who you feel do give you the support you need.

Thank you. Thankfully I have friends who are now aware of my problems and struggles and a boyfriend too who are supportive which is more than I could've asked for.

 

[dark_tranquility]

Thank you-I appreciate it and also sorry about your situation. Schizophrenia can be one of the disorders that can be really hard to understand or come to terms with and it sucks that you don't have a support system with it.

That's true. But the stigma with all disabilities is still so fresh and people just refuse to listen or accept mental illness.
I can deal. It's fine. I am more worried about your situation than my own :)

 

[QueenB]

Thank you. ADHD is a lot more than just being unfocused. My sensory overload messes with me a lot and I've learned to control it more but when I was younger, I didn't know any better, and even now I sometimes lose my cool a bit. But my parents kind of use my needs when it comes to that as some sort of joke or way to taunt me and make me feel bad.

Now that I'm older I understand why I'm like that and that it's not necessarily something I can control. Just as someone with autism can't be expected to control it. I don't think I've ever explained it to my parents but also, I think you can see maybe why I haven't said anything to them. They'll think I'm making it up.

It definitely is but its frustrating that people can't see past face value of what it means to be "unfocused". For me a lot of the times it starts with the executive dysfunction and then becomes hyper focusing on a different task.

Its hard to explain the process of that and then also get someone to believe that's a thing I do and don't have much control over.

Yeah I thought as I got older it would be easier to talk to my parents about things but I feel like I'm going through a teenage rebel phase in my 20's with how much we argue about stuff 😅

 

[yeji]

I am so sorry hun that you had and have still to go through this. just glad your support system has gotten better. it's so important to have people that are there for you.

I also hope you know that all of KS is here for you whenever and especcially staff has always an open ear for anyone.

 

[kodoku]

I'm sorry you have to deal with all these tough things :/ I really think most people shouldn't even be parents....... mental illness is real, people..... I'm 27 and I still can't imagine driving a car out there.. you're not alone and I wonder if writing a sincere letter to your mom would help...... either way, take care of yourself first and if you guys can't work things out, it's probably best to create some distance as soon as possible. Stay strong <3

 

[jasque]

It took so many attempts to get my driver license, I wish I didnt have to go through all that