Is it weird to not have "best friends" or a "best friend"? (1 Viewer)

[Ringwanderung]

Do you think it’s weird to not have “best friends” or a “best friend”?​

Part of me (90% of me) thinks it's immature of me to be posting something like this at my age. Friendships occur naturally, at least in most cases.

Throughout my school life, I’ve been mostly alone- and when I wasn’t, I was the third wheel, so I almost think it’s a stigma not to have company like that or an exclusive friendship, I guess.

I know something like that shouldn’t affect my self-esteem, but it does (the worry itself comes from low self-esteem). It’s difficult for me to find people who I can feel a connection with, and because I can’t connect with people, I believe I must lack humor or intelligence or whatever.

Well, my conclusion is that all I can do is keep bettering myself and searching for like-minded people, but I wanted to hear more thoughts on this.
What’s your take on the topic? Any insight or advice would be helpful, thanks.

Spoiler: it would be great if you could offer me some advice juseyo (tags)

@vogue @potato @kodoku

 

[Suzy]

I don't think it's strange to have these thoughts at all. I'm in the same boat as you. I have had friends along the way but I have mostly been alone. Everyone says that you'll find your lifetime friends in uni but I have been here for years and I still don't have a single friend. I have people I speak to for work purposes but that's really as far as our relationship goes.

I personally think some people flourish better when alone and I'm one of those people. I'm introverted and lack social skills but I'm comfortable with my way of life. My mum says she's worried about me because I don't have friends but I don't really see it as something worrisome. I think people need to get over the mindset that loneliness is a bad thing. Of course for social butterflies and extroverts it would be, but some people are only their true and most comfortable and happy selves when alone.

So is it weird to not have someone you can call a best friend? No, I don't do not think so. If you still feel genuinely happy without needing to socialise with others, then there's no need for a best friend.

 

[Wingfrost]

I haven’t had a best friend since I was eleven, and to be honest no friends that I would consider close friends since at that time as well. There is some things that contributed to that. To answer your question no I don’t think it’s bad at all, I’ve known people who have never had a best friend and some people even preferred not having close friendships, it’s different for everyone.

 

[raymondchouku]

I'm prolly the wrong person to answer, but I will.. Most of my friendships ended because of time and/or lack of closeness. I would have friends I went to uni with that I was only friends for a few months and while some may say... "Those aren't friends they were just classmates..." It just isn't true.. I spent time that should have been on in-class assignments talking to them.. so yeah they were friends...

Spoiler: 18+

and in one case I even said something that was x-rated, but that's for another time.

Sort of like one of my friends who had a relationship with another friend of mine, but he was grad-school bound and she ended up having a baby with another guy... Although she did get into an online grad program at Georgetown... Pretty sick for a girl from a town-ship to get into georgetown, but I digress...

For me, I don't label friends under the header of best friends... Prolly because I find it a bit shallow for one to have so many friends that they have a group of best friends... When I am socially active, I tend to have group of people who I develop close relationships with, while others I share a minimal friend-ship with, I suppose you could say... What that is is an acquaintance, but people think of those as friends, so... But I don't think its weird to not have best friends... The best friend thing tends to be a primary school thing imo... I don't see a lot of adults being on about besties...

But... don't feel insecure about it. You're ex-staff and I'm sure a lot of kps would be your bff because all of the prestige it would bring them. lol

 

[Yili]

For me part of growing up was realizing that I don't have to get along with everyone or be friends with anyone and that I would rather have just one or two people that I really connect with that a lot of friends that don't know me that much at all.

I think it's completely normal to not have a best friend and that it's good to wait until you find someone you really like and feel comfortable around.

 

[Ringwanderung]

I don't think it's strange to have these thoughts at all. I'm in the same boat as you. I have had friends along the way but I have mostly been alone. Everyone says that you'll find your lifetime friends in uni but I have been here for years and I still don't have a single friend. I have people I speak to for work purposes but that's really as far as our relationship goes.
I personally think some people flourish better when alone and I'm one of those people. I'm introverted and lack social skills but I'm comfortable with my way of life. My mum says she's worried about me because I don't have friends but I don't really see it as something worrisome. I think people need to get over the mindset that loneliness is a bad thing. Of course for social butterflies and extroverts it would be, but some people are only their true and most comfortable and happy selves when alone. So is it weird to not have someone you can call a best friend? No, I don't do not think so. If you still feel genuinely happy without needing to socialise with others, then there's no need for a best friend.

Thanks, this is reassuring. I agree; people need to see that "loneliness" isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I also realize I'm somewhat in-between introverted and extroverted (I need to verbalize and share my thoughts with people), and that's what probably causes me problems.

 

[Ringwanderung]

I haven’t had a best friend since I was eleven, and to be honest no friends that I would consider close friends since at that time as well. There is some things that contributed to that. To answer your question no I don’t think it’s bad at all, I’ve known people who have never had a best friend and some people even preferred not having close friendships, it’s different for everyone.

For me part of growing up was realizing that I don't have to get along with everyone or be friends with anyone and that I would rather have just one or two people that I really connect with that a lot of friends that don't know me that much at all.

I think it's completely normal to not have a best friend and that it's good to wait until you find someone you really like and feel comfortable around.

Thanks guys!

 

[Ringwanderung]

But... don't feel insecure about it. You're ex-staff and I'm sure a lot of kps would be your bff because all of the prestige it would bring them. lol

Lol, I'm not sure about that. And yeah, friendships come and go (in my opinion and based on personal experience), but it's nice while it lasts.

 

[kodoku]

friendship is not to be forced.. work on yourself, learn to love being on your own with just you.. the right person or people will come along sooner or later.. I'm not good at making friends either and have always had very few if any.. that's okay :)

 

[Tickita]

Not at all. I don't have friends either, and I'm not one to force anything. So I'm only focused on myself. Someday the right people will come along. Or person.

 

[dark_tranquility]

I want friends, but I keep losing them pretty much all the time.
I think we value each other's company. (It's just a normal human connection)

But at times, we trust people too easily or don't feel that connection, so we drift away or they drift away from us.
As I said in another thread. My paranoia tends to not want to agree with me a lot of the time, so that prevents me from making friends I trust completely.

 

[Jimimis]

Lol never got one. If ur a triplet or twin ppl just see u as a set and you never get anyone to urself

 

[yeji]

I believe that with age we stop using such words to classify a friendship naturally.

I also would be the wrong person to answer this. I basically just have my bestie who I have known since school days but I haven’t been in contact with everyone else I was close to from that period. now it’s more like there are people I know.