Should I learn Vietnamese more and study abroad in Vietnam one day to have a relationship? (1 Viewer)

[matteoCFO]

I am 17, half-Mexican, and have autism, I have been working out for 23 days and eating healthy, I was about 16 years old when I stumbled across incel forums, I thought at first they were innocent places for people who couldn't have relationships or had autism and felt like blaming the opposite sex for their problems, I didn't really register on them but I sometimes felt like looking at them, but the amount of problems I had and trauma from it really hurt me and I'm afraid to say the problems I had related to it on this forum because people will judge me, especially if they're women, and it really makes me sad and I'm deeply ashamed of it, I could have gotten into more serious trouble if I stayed on those boards, not only that, I was severely bullied online by trolls for going on these forums, I feel severely traumatized by the bullies because they bullied me into threatening violence and threatened me several times, and said they would escalate it to the point where I would get arrested in real life, it made me seriously depressed and want to move to Vietnam and now I want a Vietnamese partner, who will accept me for having autism and having Mormon values, I don't really care for Mormonism, but I like it's values and spirituality and I'm a neurodivergent activist, not the religion itself, so that's why I want someone Vietnamese.

I saw a love shy documentary about some autistic guy who used to be a wannabe incel like me and it said he found a girlfriend in China and moved to China and learned Mandarin, I was really surprised and astonished.

I have been learning Vietnamese and want to study abroad in Vietnam one day, maybe in Hanoi, not only because I like the culture and music, but I also want a girlfriend, but I'm afraid my disability or autism will hold me back and I sometimes post on internet forums for validation about my goals, I just want a Vietnamese girl who will support me for having autism and respect my mother who is Mexican and works hard for me to be accepted with autism.

I just want a girlfriend who will do neurodivergency activism with me and accept me for having autism, that's why I want to move to Vietnam and live there for a bit and maybe study abroad, but I'm depressed about my goals mainly because I don't know if people in Vietnam really accept people with autism and if they really accept Mexican people at all too, I've never really researched it.

I don't know if moving to Vietnam will help me learn more about the culture in Vietnam and find me a girlfriend, but I'm willing to try because I hated myself a lot when I used to go on these stupid boards for incels and I'm desperate to leave my past and those terrible people behind and get a Vietnamese partner, because I have autism and feel socially isolated all the time, can anyone here please help me understand if this a good or bad idea? I'm just so worried and depressed all the time because even though I work out and eat healthy, I have trouble retaining information with autism and it makes me worried that my goal will never happen and I will never move to Vietnam and find someone Vietnamese, it makes me depressed sometimes and feel like considering suicide.

I'm just tired and depressed because I can't do my goals at all and I have autism, the bullies are gone now but they made me really traumatized and so did the incel boards, I want to learn Vietnamese and move to Vietnam and have a Vietnamese girlfriend to cope with this trauma I had in my head, I hate to live in this World everyday and sometimes I cry myself to bed when I do not accomplish my goals, I want to work hard and learn Vietnamese and study abroad in Vietnam so I can have happiness in my life, I'm really sad.

 

[kiki]