Would you forgive someone who has hurt or betrayed you? (1 Viewer)

[lexus]

This is something that I thought of a few days ago and I was curious about how everyone else felt about it. I'm starting to ask myself "should I forgive XX for what they have done to me"? I'm not gonna go into detail, and you don't have to either. I guess this would also depend on what the person did you and how much it affected your life, your trust, etc.
Would you forgive someone who has hurt or betrayed you? What if they don't even apologize? Would you let it go anyways?
As for me, I'm a bit iffy about it for right now. I know forgiving someone can help you grow, but letting things go isn't easy either.
Here's a video that got me to think of this stuff if you feel like watching it.

 

[Crackhead]

I honestly did and I got fucked over again, but then that was over internet and I don't believe in friendships over internet much so 🤷‍♀️

Irl I would give second and last chance but never again. I don't need toxic people in my life.

 

[arieam]

"you're not going to do anything but hurt other people until you're healed by the wounds from people that've hurt you"

this is so true. i had a situation like this first year of highschool, where a friend of mine fucked me and my other friend over and tho we remained friends and she apologized we hung that over her head and probably hurt her as much as we were hurt. it's messed up. if someone apologized then accept it if you want and move on. i wish i realized that then.

anyway i don't think i can watch much of his video bc i don't wanna cry today.

 

[lexus]

"you're not going to do anything but hurt other people until you're healed by the wounds from people that've hurt you"

Oof. That just hit me right in the feels.

this is so true. i had a situation like this first year of highschool, where a friend of mine fucked me and my other friend over and tho we remained friends and she apologized we hung that over her head and probably hurt her as much as we were hurt. it's messed up. if someone apologized then accept it if you want and move on. i wish i realized that then.

anyway i don't think i can watch much of his video bc i don't wanna cry today.

I'm glad you realized that it was messed up by holding that over her head. It's good that you've matured and moved on from it afterward.
I didn't watch the full video either, but it is kind of sad.

 

[kodoku]

"Forgive others - not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace." - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One of the hardest things I've learned how to do is to accept apologies I never received. Hurting others and getting hurt by others... that's just life. And forgiveness is necessary in order to live on. When I was living while hating and resenting others, I was more hurt than ever and those people still didn't care, so in the end, I was the only one in pain and I hurt myself even more than I was already hurt by someone else. If you are in a hateful state, it's like poison, like a time-stopping curse that hurts you far more than it hurts the person you hate. I think the world would be a better place if we weren't such proud and resentful beings and could let go of our grudges, especially the petty ones..

 

[bulletproof]

No. If I am truly hurt and betrayed, I never forgive. If it's something... not that bad and that person apologize, yes, I forgive. But otherwise, I don't. Usually it's not a single time mistake. It will happen again. I just cut them out of my life, it doesn't mean I hate them forever

 

[blueberries]

If its not big deal on big picture id just try to get over it even without apology.

If its bigger thing i could forgive If asked sincerely. However i might still not forget.

 

[Angelyna_Frost]

These are my own personal standards and not how I feel toward other people who forgive. I think it takes a really strong person to forgive after they've been wronged. I have a LOT of respect for them.

For me personally, I can't once someone betrays or crosses me. I never will change that. In as much as what they did ranks on the serious scale, I can still talk to them at a distance but if I feel it's serious, I will disappear from their life without a warning. Never speak to them or acknowledge their existence ever again.

A select few so seriously crossed me that they needed to pay for it in one way or another. It's a characteristic of sociopathy that I'm aware of but I don't care, it is what it is. I have no mercy and no remorse when a major issue occurs.

 

[Ineul_Ze]

No I don't. I give people a two strike system.

Betray and hurt me once, I can find it in myself to seek your loyalty again. Do it again, loyalty and trust has been broken and there is no turning back.

 

[Soleski]

I did forgive some ugly stuff in the past for a lot of times and she only said sorry after years
but I am glad that I gave that friend a lot of chance
It was really bad because its hard for me to let things go but I would figth for her no matter what


on the other hand recently my friendship with my first uni friend ended, there are some things and actions I can not forgive


I think in cases like this you need to ask yourself: do I need this person in my life or not

I hope you're okay

 

[Darkyoda47]

I honestly respect people who can be that bigger person and you know, "forgive and forget".
That being said, I'm the type to forgive but probably never forget. I don't really believe in the notion that people entirely change. They don't, imo. So I never forget to try and protect myself from being inevitably hurt again.

 

[lexus]

"Forgive others - not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace." - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One of the hardest things I've learned how to do is to accept apologies I never received. Hurting others and getting hurt by others... that's just life. And forgiveness is necessary in order to live on. When I was living while hating and resenting others, I was more hurt than ever and those people still didn't care, so in the end, I was the only one in pain and I hurt myself even more than I was already hurt by someone else. If you are in a hateful state, it's like poison, like a time-stopping curse that hurts you far more than it hurts the person you hate. I think the world would be a better place if we weren't such proud and resentful beings and could let go of our grudges, especially the petty ones..

That's something I might need to keep in mind. I hold grudges a lot and have the hardest time letting things go. It's just not an easy thing to do, unfortunately.

 

[igloo]

If someone hurts me
it depends how
if someone betrays me
they're done
because i know they don't care
i'll hear them out but i refuse to continue to be friends or anything else other than an acquaintance with them
and you can bet i will never trust them again
especially when i explicitly say smth and they go against it

 

[lexus]

These are my own personal standards and not how I feel toward other people who forgive. I think it takes a really strong person to forgive after they've been wronged. I have a LOT of respect for them.

For me personally, I can't once someone betrays or crosses me. I never will change that. In as much as what they did ranks on the serious scale, I can still talk to them at a distance but if I feel it's serious, I will disappear from their life without a warning. Never speak to them or acknowledge their existence ever again.

A select few so seriously crossed me that they needed to pay for it in one way or another. It's a characteristic of sociopathy that I'm aware of but I don't care, it is what it is. I have no mercy and no remorse when a major issue occurs.

I've never cut someone out of my life, but there was a point where I was about to. I know the family member that hurt my mom, siblings, and I the most has never changed his ways and he probably never will. I rarely talk with him either. Still not sure if I'd ever forgive him for the shit he did to us, but it's something that I considered.

 

[lexus]

I honestly respect people who can be that bigger person and you know, "forgive and forget".
That being said, I'm the type to forgive but probably never forget. I don't really believe in the notion that people entirely change. They don't, imo. So I never forget to try and protect myself from being inevitably hurt again.

I don't exactly forgive easily and I definitely don't forget either. That's why I shut down and closed myself off to people when I was a kid and I'm still like that today. People tell me that I'm really quiet, but I think I can open up a tiny bit more to people now that I'm older.
It's okay if you want to protect yourself.

 

[lexus]

If someone hurts me
it depends how
if someone betrays me
they're done
because i know they don't care
i'll hear them out but i refuse to continue to be friends or anything else other than an acquaintance with them
and you can bet i will never trust them again
especially when i explicitly say smth and they go against it

At least you're willing to cut off people are being toxic towards you. It's hard to give all of your trust to someone again. :/

 

[kodoku]

That's something I might need to keep in mind. I hold grudges a lot and have the hardest time letting things go. It's just not an easy thing to do, unfortunately.

ofc the best way is to talk to the person and resolve the issue together, but it's not always possible for whatever reason. You know what else might work? let's say someone says or does something that hurts you or just something you dislike. Try asking yourself if you will still care about it in a few weeks or months even if they don't apologize. If not, it's probably not worth worrying about too much. Another thing I always do when I feel hateful towards someone is I imagine the person who hurt me getting into a car accident or getting sick or something awful like that... not in a way where I want that to happen to punish them, but because it helps me see how I would easily let go of my grudge if something like that happened. Once those serious and tragic things happen, you stop being so petty and start seeing what truly matters in life, it just makes it easier to forgive. Just a little tip, hope it helps hehe 😅

 

[lexus]

I did forgive some ugly stuff in the past for a lot of times and she only said sorry after years
but I am glad that I gave that friend a lot of chance
It was really bad because its hard for me to let things go but I would figth for her no matter what


on the other hand recently my friendship with my first uni friend ended, there are some things and actions I can not forgive


I think in cases like this you need to ask yourself: do I need this person in my life or not

I hope you're okay

I'm okay. I was curious about how other felt about giving someone forgiveness for their wrongdoings.
I'm glad you were able to give your friend another chance though. Maybe she finally matured and realized what she did was wrong. It's great that she apologized.

 

[Bara]

Yes, no matter how awful it was

 

[Deleted member 74]

I like to say I’m forgiving but honestly once someone hurts me whether they know it or not, I just shut down. You won’t catch me trusting you again or showing you parts of myself I once trusted you with. I can eventually forgive and let things go but I’ll never forget it, and it’ll show.