Official ✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (5 Viewers)

[gongchan]

Spoiler

I've said this before but I really think all of this mental distress recently has finally caught up with me physically. I haven't been sleeping much and my migraines have progressively gotten worse. I've been so stupid this past year with my usage of ibuprofen because of my migraines,,,I even asked people back on AKP about this once, and I was stupid and didn't listen. I was told taking too much would damage my stomach, especially for my age, but of course I continued to use too much because I was scared to talk to my family about how bad the head pain was getting. I found out now that I apparently might have in fact, fucked up my stomach. I really didn't need more issues,,,but now here we are. What a joy!

I'm still a mess, nothing has changed.I still feel empty,,,still feel dead.

Only one good thing has happened to me. Tyler's family got in contact with me again. They texted me a picture of a package he had meant to send to me in May as a 'summer surprise' (their words not mine), that has some pictures of him he printed off and a handwritten note. They plan on sending it to me eventually too, which will be really nice to open. He really thought about me a lot,,,I never realized that he cared about me so much. I really loved him, I miss him :C

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler

I've said this before but I really think all of this mental distress recently has finally caught up with me physically. I haven't been sleeping much and my migraines have progressively gotten worse. I've been so stupid this past year with my usage of ibuprofen because of my migraines,,,I even asked people back on AKP about this once, and I was stupid and didn't listen. I was told taking too much would damage my stomach, especially for my age, but of course I continued to use too much because I was scared to talk to my family about how bad the head pain was getting. I found out now that I apparently might have in fact, fucked up my stomach. I really didn't need more issues,,,but now here we are. What a joy!

I'm still a mess, nothing has changed.I still feel empty,,,still feel dead.

Only one good thing has happened to me. Tyler's family got in contact with me again. They texted me a picture of a package he had meant to send to me in May as a 'summer surprise' (their words not mine), that has some pictures of him he printed off and a handwritten note. They plan on sending it to me eventually too, which will be really nice to open. He really thought about me a lot,,,I never realized that he cared about me so much. I really loved him, I miss him :C

Spoiler

I'm sorry to hear that, it sucks. Just try to be more careful in the future, please take care. Oh also never take meds on an empty stomach, please <3 and wow how sweet of him, what a little angel. I'm glad this happened to cheer you up a bit :)

 

[gongchan]

Spoiler

I'm sorry to hear that, it sucks. Just try to be more careful in the future, please take care. Oh also never take meds on an empty stomach, please <3 and wow how sweet of him, what a little angel. I'm glad this happened to cheer you up a bit :)

Spoiler

Ugh I just feel dumb- I knew this would happen if I didn't stop.
And it is so sweet of him, he did so many little things like this for people he cared about. He was the true definition of a cutie

 

[gongchan]

@Bookworm @kodoku thank you (again) :)

I think I'm going to try take everything with my health one step at a time, and try and appreciate even more the little things from Tyler, ya know? Maybe then I can deal better and maybe finally improve how I feel,,,, to start ill appreciate this picture he made for me back in November (the picture in my sig, his handwriting is messy, but its cute right? lol)

 

[SaphireSaphirine]

This is pretty late, but I just wanted to say you aren't the only person at your age who has trouble socializing. While it may be harder to find people who are willing to help you get through everything, people like that do exist, and you just need to find those people. I never had to go through anything as bad as what you did, but because of my anxiety and tendency to isolate I also had no friends until recently and I felt like no one at my uni would want to be friend because they already have their friend groups, but I was lucky to find a really good girl who introduced me to more people, and while this is recent so I dont know how it will end, having a group of people around me that were willing to talk was really enjoyable. Dont give up and think youll never be able to make any friends, it may take a while to find the true ones but you'll find them someday. Im sorry you had to go through that, and good luck with socializing and your surgery.

Thank you. 💙 I know those kinds of people exist somewhere, but I kind of worry whether I'm too far gone in the trust department to give anyone in life a chance anymore. Almost hypocritical of me, really, but I'm trying to stay open and neutral about it (optimism is still too much to ask for at the moment).

I'm glad you were able to find good people! I hope the relationships you make last for a long time.
And replies are never too late. Kindness is welcomed and appreciated at any time. 🥰 Thank you so much!

 

[Hajima]

i had a mental breakdown last day.... this officer was accusing me of doing drugs because their stupid dog jumped in the back of my car thinking the snacks were drugs..... they took me to the police station to investigate me... i was too late to the party fuck that shit and my life........ :nosejoo:

 

[kodoku]

i had a mental breakdown last day.... this officer was accusing me of doing drugs because their stupid dog jumped in the back of my car thinking the snacks were drugs..... they took me to the police station to investigate me... i was too late to the party fuck that shit and my life........ :nosejoo:

Oh no sounds like a mess, hopefully it's sorted out now

 

[tafattsbarn]

Okay so... Just a warning since there is talk about suicide and the possibility of it

Spoiler

I've had such an awful day today. I called in sick to school and i've been crying in public (couldn't stay at home since my dad is actually sick and i didn't want to disturb him) all day thinking about commiting suicide. I just can't take it anymore. I'm failing my last year of high school and is too much of a coward to tell my parents because i know how disappointed and angry they'll be with me. I feel like a failure and like i've fucked up my life. I also can't bear the thought of the shame of having people know that i couldn't even graduate high school. I don't know, it's just all too much and i just can't deal with it. I've wanted to die for so long and i finally feel like i'm almost completely at peace with it. Right now the only thing stopping me from committing (other than not having money to buy the materials yet) is BTS.

How stupid is that? It's one of the things that have made me cry the hardest today. The prospect of not getting to follow BTS or the trajectory of their careers anymore feels awful. And it's so dumb??? God, it almost makes me laugh. I really want to be able to see where they'll end up and i feel guilty since i know they'd want me to stay alive. It's so stupid, but i was looking at pictures of them and bawling my eyes out. While seeing their stupid little faces the only thing i could think of was that i would miss out on everything they would do, all the music they would release and so on. I also couldn't help but think that they would be disappointed in me for choosing death. Now that i think about it, isn't it awful in itself that the thing that is truly stopping me is some kpop group and not my family? I know that my family cares about me deeply and will be heartbroken when i die but that still isn't enough to stop me, but some pretty boys making music are? God, how selfish is that. It's so absurd.

Anyways, i don't think even my love for them will be enough in the end. I just can't see any way out of this mess of failures i've entangled myself in. I just can't tell my parents. I just don't feel like that's an option, and the only option i truly see is to end it all. I won't have to suffer through the pain and meaninglessness of life and i won't have to tell them if i do. I know it's irrational but i'd be killing two flies with one stone so to say, and i'd never have to worry about my future or lack of will to have a future ever again. I wouldn't have to feel like such a failure all the damn time either.

I don't even know where i was going with this but i've been feeling so emotionally drained all day and i just needed to say it somewhere.

Mods can feel free to remove this if we're not allowed to talk about suicide or suicidal thoughts on this site.

 

[kodoku]

Okay so... Just a warning since there is talk about suicide and the possibility of it

Spoiler

I've had such an awful day today. I called in sick to school and i've been crying in public (couldn't stay at home since my dad is actually sick and i didn't want to disturb him) all day thinking about commiting suicide. I just can't take it anymore. I'm failing my last year of high school and is too much of a coward to tell my parents because i know how disappointed and angry they'll be with me. I feel like a failure and like i've fucked up my life. I also can't bear the thought of the shame of having people know that i couldn't even graduate high school. I don't know, it's just all too much and i just can't deal with it. I've wanted to die for so long and i finally feel like i'm almost completely at peace with it. Right now the only thing stopping me from committing (other than not having money to buy the materials yet) is BTS.

How stupid is that? It's one of the things that have made me cry the hardest today. The prospect of not getting to follow BTS or the trajectory of their careers anymore feels awful. And it's so dumb??? God, it almost makes me laugh. I really want to be able to see where they'll end up and i feel guilty since i know they'd want me to stay alive. It's so stupid, but i was looking at pictures of them and bawling my eyes out. While seeing their stupid little faces the only thing i could think of was that i would miss out on everything they would do, all the music they would release and so on. I also couldn't help but think that they would be disappointed in me for choosing death. Now that i think about it, isn't it awful in itself that the thing that is truly stopping me is some kpop group and not my family? I know that my family cares about me deeply and will be heartbroken when i die but that still isn't enough to stop me, but some pretty boys making music are? God, how selfish is that. It's so absurd.

Anyways, i don't think even my love for them will be enough in the end. I just can't see any way out of this mess of failures i've entangled myself in. I just can't tell my parents. I just don't feel like that's an option, and the only option i truly see is to end it all. I won't have to suffer through the pain and meaninglessness of life and i won't have to tell them if i do. I know it's irrational but i'd be killing two flies with one stone so to say, and i'd never have to worry about my future or lack of will to have a future ever again.

I don't even know where i was going with this but i've been feeling so emotionally drained all day and i just needed to say it somewhere.

Mods can feel free to remove this if we're not allowed to talk about suicide or suicidal thoughts on this site.

Spoiler

I'm truly sorry to hear you've been struggling like this :( but please, please, don't think it's too late or that suicide is what you should do because I really don't think it is. I think we all often take ourselves too seriously and get blinded by the things that overwhelm us, but it's often not as bad as it seems. This is a chapter of your life that isn't that great yes, but please don't let it become all there is to you and your life, your story will grow far beyond this. So much more awaits you, so many people you will meet, places you will go, music you will enjoy, so much laughter, so many lessons and so much growth... Please, don't hurt yourself in any way... I am always here, I'll listen to you or give you advice, I've been there - I wanted to die for many years, I had so much trouble with my family, parents, with school too... Please... just stay, you are not alone and you don't need to do this on your own

 

[Hajima]

Oh no sounds like a mess, hopefully it's sorted out now

yup i thought i was going to jail for some oreos and cheetos hahaha

 

[Hajima]

I'm really sorry that happened to you *big hugs* I hope everything's sorted out now at least <3

Spoiler

Don't feel too bad about BTS. Music is the great unifier, so it's easy to feel like we really know our favorite musicians, and to really connect with them, especially when we're in a heightened state of emotions like you are. Caring about them isn't so odd. And the fact that you still acknowledge your family does mean you do care about them too, and I think that means a great deal here. I don't know if that all helps, but hopefully it'll make things seem a little less absurd <3

And I was in a similar situation as you. There was a school group I joined, students lead by a volunteer, and we would meet and just talk about our lives. Well, one thing lead to another, and they made me feel safe enough to confess that I wanted to kill myself. Both the volunteer and a student I was close with in the group told my mother for me while I sat to the side. Ultimately, the hardest part of anything is to start it. But once you do, things gradually start to become easier.

The point is that there's always someone who you can confess to, who can help take you by the hand and stand with you, even just online, in order to help confront your parents about something as deep as this. You're never alone. And surely there has to be someone in your school you can turn to to make something like this happen. A counselor, a friend, a teacher... Heck, even the janitor. Whoever you can get. You have the advantage of still being young, they'll want to help you weather this storm, I'm sure of it.

Just hold on one more day, things will get better <3

yup it's all good now i'm home safe and fine

 

[honeyfornomoney]

Dunno if I even should be here because I don't have any real problems. I'm just another teen who is emo over being rejected by a crush. Still, I hope you don't mind me ranting here, thanks.

Spoiler

Before I realized I'm gay, I thought I was asexual/aromantic. I didn't want anyone, I just wanted a stable job and friends in the future. But when I found out I like girls, I started falling for girls again and again. I was sad every time they got boyfriends but had never felt hopeless. Until all those disappointments hit me hard and now I just think I will never find anyone. Recently I confessed to the girl I like (the first time I ever confessed) and ofc, it was one-sided again. Never liked someone that much. Honestly, I can't imagine being with someone other than my current crush. She really wants a boyfriend and I want her to be happy, but just thinking of her getting together with someone else fills my eyes with tears. Can't wait for her to get one so that it will be the last time I will feel so desperate. It's just an endless cycle of me falling for unavailable people. My love being requited looks so utopic now. I get suicidal thoughts because I think I will never find anyone. I know having such thoughts over something as unrequited love (especially when a teen) is ridiculous, but that's just how I feel.

 

[kodoku]

Dunno if I even should be here because I don't have any real problems. I'm just another teen who is emo over being rejected by a crush. Still, I hope you don't mind me ranting here, thanks.

Spoiler

Before I realized I'm gay, I thought I was asexual/aromantic. I didn't want anyone, I just wanted a stable job and friends in the future. But when I found out I like girls, I started falling for girls again and again. I was sad every time they got boyfriends but had never felt hopeless. Until all those disappointments hit me hard and now I just think I will never find anyone. Recently I confessed to the girl I like (the first time I ever confessed) and ofc, it was one-sided again. Never liked someone that much. Honestly, I can't imagine being with someone other than my current crush. She really wants a boyfriend and I want her to be happy, but just thinking of her getting together with someone else fills my eyes with tears. Can't wait for her to get one so that it will be the last time I will feel so desperate. It's just an endless cycle of me falling for unavailable people. My love being requited looks so utopic now. I get suicidal thoughts because I think I will never find anyone. I know having such thoughts over something as unrequited love (especially when a teen) is ridiculous, but that's just how I feel.

don't worry, ofc you have every right to be here :) <3

Spoiler

aw that's sad, I know those feelings and it's not ridiculous, it's perfectly normal to need and want to be loved.. I hope you will believe me, you are so young and you will find someone. This is all painful and disappointing, but it will pass.. you will find a person who's right for you and be happy, I truly think so. Try to focus on yourself and your life, love will come sooner or later

 

[honeyfornomoney]

don't worry, ofc you have every right to be here :) <3

Spoiler

aw that's sad, I know those feelings and it's not ridiculous, it's perfectly normal to need and want to be loved.. I hope you will believe me, you are so young and you will find someone. This is all painful and disappointing, but it will pass.. you will find a person who's right for you and be happy, I truly think so. Try to focus on yourself and your life, love will come sooner or later

Spoiler

Thank you, your encouragement got my good mood back :*******
I've seen you posted before about something similar to my rant and I believe you will find your someone too :************

 

[Hajima]

if i'm happy and energetic for no reason then the other day i am irritated and sad ... is this bi polar disorder... i also have depression but not too bad..

 

[kodoku]

if i'm happy and energetic for no reason then the other day i am irritated and sad ... is this bi polar disorder... i also have depression but not too bad..

It would be good to start a mood diary and also talk to a professional perhaps. You can always talk to us here as well <3

 

[igloo]

i wish i wasn't so unstable.
i can be so happy and feel so good about myself
then it's like
in a second i can just switch
and start actively hating myself again
i guess it's better than always the 2nd like before

 

[wayvoutsold]

Spoiler

for the past week, I feel so unproductive. I just can’t get anything done and I feel sad for no reason.

 

[kodoku]

i wish i wasn't so unstable.
i can be so happy and feel so good about myself
then it's like
in a second i can just switch
and start actively hating myself again
i guess it's better than always the 2nd like before

Hey that probably means you're getting there, and maybe someday soon you can not hate yourself at all :) I stil think you're awesome

Spoiler

for the past week, I feel so unproductive. I just can’t get anything done and I feel sad for no reason.

Spoiler

aw maybe those days just came along and they pass on their own, if not there are things you can do to cheer yourself up. I hope you feel better soon <3

 

[igloo]

Hey that probably means you're getting there, and maybe someday soon you can not hate yourself at all :) I stil think you're awesome

i don't think that'll ever happen lol
it's a bit too easy to trigger those thoughts
i'll probably just keep relying on my gf for my self worth lol