Official ✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (1 Viewer)

[kodoku]

i don't think that'll ever happen lol
it's a bit too easy to trigger those thoughts
i'll probably just keep relying on my gf for my self worth lol

remember that you are very young though. You'll still need some time to reach your final form ;) seriously, please try not to be too hard on yourself, you're doing better than you think. And also maybe try to work on depending on yourself a bit more, it's always a good thing

 

[kodoku]

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I think I write way too long responses to people both here and on the other site. And I think I try way too hard to provide solutions, and that those solutions might actually be really detrimental. But it's just something to work on, I suppose. Hopefully no one has rolled their eyes out of their sockets yet. lol. That would not be good...

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Nothing wrong with that, it's really nice that you care and try like that <3

 

[kodoku]

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Thanks *hugs* <3 I do care a lot, which makes me feel like I'm crossing an invisible line when I bombard a person who may not want to read or take in that much stuff. But I guess it'll become easier the more I do it.

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don't worry about it cutie <3 it's really nice of you to do that. If someone doesn't care for it they wouldn't have posted here in the first place and they can always just not take your advice

 

[tafattsbarn]

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I'm truly sorry to hear you've been struggling like this :( but please, please, don't think it's too late or that suicide is what you should do because I really don't think it is. I think we all often take ourselves too seriously and get blinded by the things that overwhelm us, but it's often not as bad as it seems. This is a chapter of your life that isn't that great yes, but please don't let it become all there is to you and your life, your story will grow far beyond this. So much more awaits you, so many people you will meet, places you will go, music you will enjoy, so much laughter, so many lessons and so much growth... Please, don't hurt yourself in any way... I am always here, I'll listen to you or give you advice, I've been there - I wanted to die for many years, I had so much trouble with my family, parents, with school too... Please... just stay, you are not alone and you don't need to do this on your own

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Don't feel too bad about BTS. Music is the great unifier, so it's easy to feel like we really know our favorite musicians, and to really connect with them, especially when we're in a heightened state of emotions like you are. Caring about them isn't so odd. And the fact that you still acknowledge your family does mean you do care about them too, and I think that means a great deal here. I don't know if that all helps, but hopefully it'll make things seem a little less absurd <3

And I was in a similar situation as you. There was a school group I joined, students lead by a volunteer, and we would meet and just talk about our lives. Well, one thing lead to another, and they made me feel safe enough to confess that I wanted to kill myself. Both the volunteer and a student I was close with in the group told my mother for me while I sat to the side. Ultimately, the hardest part of anything is to start it. But once you do, things gradually start to become easier.

The point is that there's always someone who you can confess to, who can help take you by the hand and stand with you, even just online, in order to help confront your parents about something as deep as this. You're never alone. And surely there has to be someone in your school you can turn to to make something like this happen. A counselor, a friend, a teacher... Heck, even the janitor. Whoever you can get. You have the advantage of still being young, they'll want to help you weather this storm, I'm sure of it.

Just hold on one more day, things will get better <3

I had written long responses to you both but my computer decided it was a great day to update the system and everything disappeared '-' Anyways, i wanted to say that your replies made me feel a bit better and that i'm thankful.

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I talked to a counselor today. It's the first time i've ever really shared my thoughts and problems with anyone. I was shaking from anxiety the whole time and i'm not sure i made much sense at all. It's done though. They said that they thought i was at risk for suicide and wanted me to get an evaluation done at the hospital today. I declined. Mostly because i'm scared of facing my problems but also because i had no one to drive me there since my parents are out of town and i didn't want to disturb their days. She said i should tell someone soon though and that if i didn't she was even worried enough to potentionally call the police on me and forcibly take me to the hospital or something. I honestly didn't think this whole thing was such a big deal, like yeah i do want to kill myself and have a plan in mind but i'm feeling a bit calmer about it now and i'm not sure i'll actually do it anymore. Although i suppose the need to do it will flare up again because school is still going shit. Regardless, she seemed pretty worried.

So, i'm considering telling my mom and driving up to the psych ER to have an evaluation done once she gets home tomorrow. I'm extremely scared though. The first thing is how do i even tell my mom something like that? Like i can't casually just say "Yo mom, i've been feeling extremely suicidal and like i'm going to kill myself so can we just take a roadtrip to the hospital please?". I hate that it's such a non-casual conversation. Nevermind the fact that i don't think i've ever talked to my mom about my feelings so i have no idea how she'll react to this.

The second source of anxiety is telling the ER i'm suicidal once i'm there. Like how do i even say that? It's going to be so awkward. I hate awkward.

I'm also scared i'll be admitted to an inpatient program once i'm there. If they offer to admit me do you guys think i should? Do any of y'all have experience with inpatient programs? I know it's superficial but i really do not want to be without my phone. My whole world is online and i feel so weird and disconnected from my life when i don't have access to a phone or computer. I'm also scared that the people there will be real nut jobs. I don't feel like a nut job myself and getting admitted feels like someone saying "Yeah you're crazy alright" and hate it so much. I don't know what to do ;-;

 

[kodoku]

I had written long responses to you both but my computer decided it was a great day to update the system and everything disappeared '-' Anyways, i wanted to say that your replies made me feel a bit better and that i'm thankful.

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I talked to a counselor today. It's the first time i've ever really shared my thoughts and problems with anyone. I was shaking from anxiety the whole time and i'm not sure i made much sense at all. It's done though. They said that they thought i was at risk for suicide and wanted me to get an evaluation done at the hospital today. I declined. Mostly because i'm scared of facing my problems but also because i had no one to drive me there since my parents are out of town and i didn't want to disturb their days. She said i should tell someone soon though and that if i didn't she was even worried enough to potentionally call the police on me and forcibly take me to the hospital or something. I honestly didn't think this whole thing was such a big deal, like yeah i do want to kill myself and have a plan in mind but i'm feeling a bit calmer about it now and i'm not sure i'll actually do it anymore. Although i suppose the need to do it will flare up again because school is still going shit. Regardless, she seemed pretty worried.

So, i'm considering telling my mom and driving up to the psych ER to have an evaluation done once she gets home tomorrow. I'm extremely scared though. The first thing is how do i even tell my mom something like that? Like i can't casually just say "Yo mom, i've been feeling extremely suicidal and like i'm going to kill myself so can we just take a roadtrip to the hospital please?". I hate that it's such a non-casual conversation. Nevermind the fact that i don't think i've ever talked to my mom about my feelings so i have no idea how she'll react to this.

The second source of anxiety is telling the ER i'm suicidal once i'm there. Like how do i even say that? It's going to be so awkward. I hate awkward.

I'm also scared i'll be admitted to an inpatient program once i'm there. If they offer to admit me do you guys think i should? Do any of y'all have experience with inpatient programs? I know it's superficial but i really do not want to be without my phone. My whole world is online and i feel so weird and disconnected from my life when i don't have access to a phone or computer. I'm also scared that the people there will be real nut jobs. I don't feel lie a nut job myself and getting admitted feels like someone saying "Yeah you're crazy alright" and hate it so much. I don't know what to do ;-;

I am really proud of you, first of all. You did something great and brave for yourself and the people who care about you, so thank you for that :) it seems like the counselor is a decent one as well which is good ofc. I think you've already made huge progress. As for being scared to tell your mother, I understand.. however, your mother is probably the person who loves you the most in this world. She's only human and maybe won't react how you need her to, but in the end, she loves you and wants you to be safe and happy, so I'm sure she will do whatever it takes for you. And I also get that being without your phone would suck, I would feel the same but it might be a good thing to just focus on yourself and your health fully for a bit. The people there are just people with problems, like all of us, try to think of them that way. Rememeber you're trying your best and doing whatever you can to save your precious life and that's an amazing thing, you're not alone becasue I'm here for you <3

 

[Hyunjin]

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perfect day for crying

 

[Abeamus]

What's wrong? @Hyunjin

 

[Hyunjin]

What's wrong? @Hyunjin

life :/

 

[Abeamus]

life :/

You can DM me if you wanna talk about it

 

[Hyunjin]

You can DM me if you wanna talk about it

thank you <3

 

[Abeamus]

thank you <3

I hope things get better for you soon

 

[Hyunjin]

I hope your situation improves soon *hugs* Please take care, and stay strong <3

thank you sm <3

 

[kodoku]

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perfect day for crying

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Same here, we can cry together :P and I hope you feel better soon, feel free to talk to me <3

 

[Kelly]

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This long battle with my mental health is exhausting... I'm so sad and fed up with life at this point. I've been going through a really bad time over the last month, and May is an upsetting month for me in general because of stuff that has happened, so I have to deal with that too. I won't even have the time to deal with my emotions when the time comes... Not to mention I can't even have a single moment of happiness to celebrate my birthday. Not like I want to exactly, but I won't even have time to (because of deadlines and exams).

Also, I'm at the stage where I want to isolate myself and not talk to anyone. I've considered leaving this forum so many times because of it. I'm trying my best not to isolate myself, both online and in real life, because I know that would be a bad thing to do to myself, but it's difficult.

I just feel like my anxiety disorder controls every single aspect of my life, both offline and online. I'm sick of it. I can't escape from it. I feel like every single thing I say is wrong and etc and I am fed up. Can I not be so critical of myself? Can I just be me? Can I just get on with my life? Apparently not. Because my anxiety affects my daily life and my ability to do certain simple things, I feel frustrated.

And in general, I'm not happy. I feel sad. It's an endless cycle and I'm exhausted.

I feel like I've said so many different things in this post, but I just have a lot of thoughts right now..

 

[kodoku]

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This long battle with my mental health is exhausting... I'm so sad and fed up with life at this point. I've been going through a really bad time over the last month, and May is an upsetting month for me in general because of stuff that has happened, so I have to deal with that too. I won't even have the time to deal with my emotions when the time comes... Not to mention I can't even have a single moment of happiness to celebrate my birthday. Not like I want to exactly, but I won't even have time to (because of deadlines and exams).

Also, I'm at the stage where I want to isolate myself and not talk to anyone. I've considered leaving this forum so many times because of it. I'm trying my best not to isolate myself, both online and in real life, because I know that would be a bad thing to do to myself, but it's difficult.

I just feel like my anxiety disorder controls every single aspect of my life, both offline and online. I'm sick of it. I can't escape from it. I feel like every single thing I say is wrong and etc and I am fed up. Can I not be so critical of myself? Can I just be me? Can I just get on with my life? Apparently not. Because my anxiety affects my daily life and my ability to do certain simple things, I feel frustrated.

And in general, I'm not happy. I feel sad. It's an endless cycle and I'm exhausted.

I feel like I've said so many different things in this post, but I just have a lot of thoughts right now..

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it's true isolation will do you no good, but maybe you can take a small break if that's what you're craving? just cutting out toxic people and situations as much as you can might give you a bit of room to breathe. I relate to all you said, I think I can understand.. you're not alone <3 and know you can always talk to me

 

[taemkitten]

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just when i feel like things are on the up and up, or i can see the light, something pushes me back down deep, deep in the soil and presses me against the sharp rocks. i feel the overwhelming pressure on my chest and it's now painfully evident that my eyes will swell shut by the end of each day. i'm tired of having to hide my face from my co-workers, for fear they will try to comfort me or ask me what's up. the sentiments and care are appreciated, but i can't bother others with things i know aren't even logical. i can't explain what's happening with me, because it makes no sense - it never has. that is the beast that is this sadness and darkness, and i'm so terrified it's going to one day catch me when i'm off my guard and gobble me up. it's scratched at me and left scars in my life but it never gives up, it's always persisting.

now the physical goes along with it. it's not just the emotional roller coaster, the tears that turn into angry outbursts or the heavy sighs that turn into the bulky weight pulling me to the floor and making me want to hide forever from the world - what i have already done twice this morning in a vacant bathroom stall upstairs, balling my eyes out with that light being stamped out from my grasp and forseable future.

i want relief.

no.

i want release.
it's so hard to keep pushing, to keep fighting, to keep running from this darkness. it's about to swallow me up and i don't think i can stop it.
this is so, so hard.

 

[kodoku]

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just when i feel like things are on the up and up, or i can see the light, something pushes me back down deep, deep in the soil and presses me against the sharp rocks. i feel the overwhelming pressure on my chest and it's now painfully evident that my eyes will swell shut by the end of each day. i'm tired of having to hide my face from my co-workers, for fear they will try to comfort me or ask me what's up. the sentiments and care are appreciated, but i can't bother others with things i know aren't even logical. i can't explain what's happening with me, because it makes no sense - it never has. that is the beast that is this sadness and darkness, and i'm so terrified it's going to one day catch me when i'm off my guard and gobble me up. it's scratched at me and left scars in my life but it never gives up, it's always persisting.

now the physical goes along with it. it's not just the emotional roller coaster, the tears that turn into angry outbursts or the heavy sighs that turn into the bulky weight pulling me to the floor and making me want to hide forever from the world - what i have already done twice this morning in a vacant bathroom stall upstairs, balling my eyes out with that light being stamped out from my grasp and forseable future.

i want relief.

no.

i want release.
it's so hard to keep pushing, to keep fighting, to keep running from this darkness. it's about to swallow me up and i don't think i can stop it.
this is so, so hard.

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I'm sorry :( you don't need to explain anything, it's OK. Focus on yourself and getting better, be kind to yourself and make it easier for you.. I'm always here for you and believe me you will live through this <3

 

[Hajima]

life :/

be quiet, don't cry

 

[Hajima]

i visited my family today and had an argument with my mom... i don't visit for her just for my brothers and sisters. anything i say she will get irritated and mad at me she is been like this for the past maybe 5 years or so... she will keep complaining and complaining ugh ... and will talk shit about me, my brothers and sisters and put us down for the most stupid silly things just to feel good about herself.... it's turning into abuse at this point.... maybe she is always been like that but i never realized it... or maybe she is having mental health issues... but that's never an excuse to torture others to feel satisfied??? i'm thinking of cutting ties with her forever soon.... it's toxic at this point, it has affected my mental health

 

[kodoku]

i visited my family today and had an argument with my mom... i don't visit for her just for my brothers and sisters. anything i say she will get irritated and mad at me she is been like this for the past maybe 5 years or so... she will keep complaining and complaining ugh ... and will talk shit about me, my brothers and sisters and put us down for the most stupid silly things just to feel good about herself.... it's turning into abuse at this point.... maybe she is always been like that but i never realized it... or maybe she is having mental health issues... but that's never an excuse to torture others to feel satisfied??? i'm thinking of cutting ties with her forever soon.... it's toxic at this point, it has affected my mental health

sorry you had to endure such behavior :( I'd recommend talking to her or maybe writing her a letter explaining how you feel. If she still keeps acting the same way, maybe creating some distance isn't a bad idea.. good luck <3