I have a question (1 Viewer)

[victorious]

Do u think it’s rude when people never invite the new friend to hang out when the new friend just them for the first time?

Like Korean American churches I went to, they never invited to hang out with them after I met some people there. They should’ve asked about my hobbies and common interests. It’s too late now. They should’ve asked me that when I first met them, not wait for me to ask them about it


I think it’s rude when people never invite a new friend to hang out when the new friend just met them for the first time.

 

[brekker]

I think it depends on a culture. I don´t live in the States, so I don´t know, but here people don´t get all buddy-buddy just because you go to the same church, club, or because you work together. Some people do enjoy keeping their space, their distance. Personally, I would not find it offensive as I´m the same. I´m an introvert who keeps to herself, it´s not that I am asocial and don´t like to get to know people ,but most of them don´t really get past some formalities and small talk.
I also don´t think we should require the same customs, treatment etc. from people just because we do things a certain way.

 

[Venomous]

Checking your past posts I'm gonna guess the problem is the friendship is one-sided and you don't understand boundaries.
Relevant question, are you Korean American?

 

[Jimimis]

why you making them do all the work??? Why should they invite you when you’re not inviting them

 

[Kitq]

I think that depends. Not everyone counts people they see at church,work etc. As friends. I'm living together with 3 ppl in a dorm rn and we see each other every day and yet we still don't consider each other as friends.
I'm also an introvert so I'm actually really glad when people don't ask me too personal stuff or ask to hang out after like a short amount of time where we know each other.. maybe you should find out if the other people consider you as friend?

 

[victorious]

Checking your past posts I'm gonna guess the problem is the friendship is one-sided and you don't understand boundaries.
Relevant question, are you Korean American?

I’m African American

 

[Tickita]

No. It takes quite a bit to consider someone a friend. An introduction doesn't automatically make you friends.

 

[Venomous]

I’m African American

Then why are you inserting yourself into Korean American spaces? Honestly reading back through some of your previous posts, you seem to have severe issues with personal boundaries, in some cases borderline stalking/harassment, and an unhealthy obsession with Koreans and Korean culture. Most of your posts are you complaining about how "friends" keep ignoring/blocking you, and the common denominator is you. You also imply you aggressively continue attempting to contact people who have made it clear they don't want to interact with you. On top of this, you say you've been in college for seven years because you got "too distracted by kpop". Another post is your letter you sent to a high school classmate SEVENTEEN YEARS after you met him, where you harass him because he didn't want to deal with you in school because you cursed at him in Korean, because you decided to use a word you didn't even know the meaning of. None of that behaviour is normal.

 

[victorious]

Then why are you inserting yourself into Korean American spaces? Honestly reading back through some of your previous posts, you seem to have severe issues with personal boundaries, in some cases borderline stalking/harassment, and an unhealthy obsession with Koreans and Korean culture. Most of your posts are you complaining about how "friends" keep ignoring/blocking you, and the common denominator is you. You also imply you aggressively continue attempting to contact people who have made it clear they don't want to interact with you. On top of this, you say you've been in college for seven years because you got "too distracted by kpop". Another post is your letter you sent to a high school classmate SEVENTEEN YEARS after you met him, where you harass him because he didn't want to deal with you in school because you cursed at him in Korean, because you decided to use a word you didn't even know the meaning of. None of that behaviour is normal.

idk and I don’t do that kind of behavior any more. My dad never send me to see a social counselor. My dad and his family don’t seem to care about me, they just ignore me. I’m good with classes since last summer and getting good grades and passing my classes. When I meet some new friends, I’ll ask about their hobbies and common interests. It doesn’t matter how old they are. I did some research on on surrounding yourself with happy people, personal space, boundaries and stages of friendship

 

[Venomous]

idk and I don’t do that kind of behavior any more. My dad never send me to see a social counselor. My dad and his family don’t seem to care about me, they just ignore me. I’m good with classes since last summer and getting good grades and passing my classes. When I meet some new friends, I’ll ask about their hobbies and common interests. It doesn’t matter how old they are

That's not how friendships and approaching new people works, though. You seem to think that just meeting and talking with someone makes them your friend, and you don't seem to pick up on social cues that people are uncomfortable. Everything is all in the initial interactions and from what it sounds like, you come off way too strong to some people, and again, you seem to fixate on Korean Americans and being a part of their culture and social circles when you yourself have no reason to be invading those cultural spaces. You might want to check into free counseling services through your college or community programs, I feel like they could really help you work through the boundary issues and what healthy friendships and interactions are, and how you can make friends that reciprocate the friendship. I am so sorry your family doesn't care enough to help, sometimes families make our lives harder when they should be encouraging and supportive.

 

[victorious]

That's not how friendships and approaching new people works, though. You seem to think that just meeting and talking with someone makes them your friend, and you don't seem to pick up on social cues that people are uncomfortable. Everything is all in the initial interactions and from what it sounds like, you come off way too strong to some people, and again, you seem to fixate on Korean Americans and being a part of their culture and social circles when you yourself have no reason to be invading those cultural spaces. You might want to check into free counseling services through your college or community programs, I feel like they could really help you work through the boundary issues and what healthy friendships and interactions are, and how you can make friends that reciprocate the friendship. I am so sorry your family doesn't care enough to help, sometimes families make our lives harder when they should be encouraging and supportive.

Ok I already met a social counselor at my comm college so I’m working with her now. Thank you

 

[victorious]

why you making them do all the work??? Why should they invite you when you’re not inviting them

Idk how to make plans to invite them

 

[Kitq]

Idk how to make plans to invite them

The easiest way would be to say "Hey I think ur really nice and I wanted to ask if you might be interested in hanging out sometimes?"