A really long rant about my life... (1 Viewer)

[maruberry]

My life has gotten so complicated... I am just really at a breaking point and I feel like screaming or crying or I don't know what, but I can't.

Most likely I will be kicked out of my school in like a weeks time! Fun ain't it! I won't go into reasons, but it is kinda my own fault, but it is shit anyway! I dunno, I just feel so stupid for letting my life and problems interfere with my school to this point! It is a really damn helpless feeling, because the teachers are all doing their best to get me to a point where I can stay here, but I already know that isn't even possible anymore!

I will probably go to a grownup's highschool, which lowkey ain't even that bad... I think I would prefer it over my current school, because I hate this school and I wish I could have switched schools... I did try in the middle of the year, but the only school I could transfer to didn't want me because the curriculum in my school and that one was really different.

And then there are my dormmates who are all a bunch of stuck-up idiotic bitches who think they are better than me! One of them just tried to talk to me about how she isn't switching dorms next years because she thinks I am a bad influence... I listened to her knowing full well I ain't coming back here next year! Sure I am a bad influence, I don't even fucking interact with anybody at this goddamn school, much less influence them! Oh what a bad influnce, I sometimes take an hour to wash my dishes instead of doing it right away and then I sit silently in my bed on my computer for the rest of the day!

I literally don't talk to anybody at this school! I talk with people in class and that is IT. I have nothing to talk with the people in this school and either I see them as idiots or they see me as weird! I've always been really bad at socializing etc, but I have always before had a few people close to me, but here at this school and place I have literally nobody.

Fuck I am so done with everything right now... I want to leave this school and never come back and I guess I am getting it, but I feel so shit over this and I am getting stress headaches fucking every night and I hate it!

My life is a mess atm and I know it will all figure itself out eventually, but at the moment I just hate everything and just want to curl up in a ball in my bed listen to some music and read some harry potter fanfiction and not talk to anyone!

I also really want a hug... But I am at the dorms and I have nobody here to hug! I want to be home and hug my little sister or smth or my mom or my dad or literally anybody really!

Sorry for this long rant, but I had to write this down somewhere because I really don't feel like screaming at midnight when 3 of my idiotic dormmates are in the same room!

 

[MochiFace]

Did you try to force yourself to go out or interact a little more with people in school ?
it can make things so much easier

i really struggle before because i was shy and had trouble to socialize with people, I was literrally a Friends whore, i changed of friends every year because i didn't know how to keep friendship and socialize with people so even if i had friends for a moment, i didn't try really to get closer to them so i just change of friends everytime i was in a different class than my previous friends.

Until one year I try to go out of my shells and fight my shyness and when people start to talk to me i start to really force myself to get into the conversation and try to create a discussion and it really help me. and life is much more enjoyable like this.

you don't need to find 10 friends, one will be enough and just this one friend will help you go out of your shell and interact with much more people and little by little you'll notice that you'll be much more sociable

 

[maruberry]

Did you try to force yourself to go out or interact a little more with people in school ?
it can make things so much easier

i really struggle before because i was shy and had trouble to socialize with people, I was literrally a Friends whore, i changed of friends every year because i didn't know how to keep friendship and socialize with people so even if i had friends for a moment, i didn't try really to get closer to them so i just change of friends everytime i was in a different class than my previous friends.

Until one year I try to go out of my shells and fight my shyness and when people start to talk to me i start to really force myself to get into the conversation and try to create a discussion and it really help me. and life is much more enjoyable like this.

you don't need to find 10 friends, one will be enough and just this one friend will help you go out of your shell and interact with much more people and little by little you'll notice that you'll be much more sociable

That be what I usually do, Before coming to this school I had a few good friends, it was great!

But this one... It is in the middle of nowhere and everybody lives at the dorms. Meaning if you can't get along with the people here, you don't have anybody else to find. I am sure that somewhere in this school there might be another lost soul with who I might not mind being friends with, but most of the people here at this school I find boring at best and stupid or annoying at worst.

 

[MochiFace]

That be what I usually do, Before coming to this school I had a few good friends, it was great!

But this one... It is in the middle of nowhere and everybody lives at the dorms. Meaning if you can't get along with the people here, you don't have anybody else to find. I am sure that somewhere in this school there might be another lost soul with who I might not mind being friends with, but most of the people here at this school I find boring at best and stupid or annoying at worst.

Normally if you're in a dorm it's much more easy to get along with people

most of the people here at this school I find annoying at best and stupid at worst.

Honestly it's the worst way to think, if you want to feel great in a school, judging people like this will always create some barriers in your mind who will prevent you to really get along with them.
you should think like you don't really know them since you never react with them and you just made a false assumptions about them for the moment.
you should force yourself and try to speak to this people, people who seems annoying are most of the time people who are great once you know them. No needs to force yourself to go directly and play the friends with them.
but you could at least try to create a little link like asking them some littles things about classes that you didn't understand
then little by little asking them if you could eat with them and little by little you'll start be closer

 

[melancholia]

Mari, do you have anyone to talk to? Anyone you trust?
I wish i could hug, i really do.

Join clubs, if there are any. Put yourself out there and get to know people better. Force yourself to have friends, but not the point where you arent happy. I was forced to be friends with this girl one, at first i hated her and now we are best friends.

i wish you feel better and become happier because you are a sweet soul! <3

 

[maruberry]

ormally if you're in a dorm it's much more easy to get along with people

I got unlucky with peeps this year... I'll just say one of them is a flat-earther who WILL try to convince you she is right and the others aren't better.

 

[maruberry]

Mari, do you have anyone to talk to? Anyone you trust?
I wish i could hug, i really do.

Thank you!

I've got my mom, but other than that not really! My best friend moved away and I swtiched schools aswell, so now we have like... 200 km between us!

 

[melancholia]

Thank you!

I've got my mom, but other than that not really! My best friend moved away and I swtiched schools aswell, so now we have like... 200 km between us!

try and call your mom and talk about it with her
Did your best friend exchange numbers with you?

 

[maruberry]

try and call your mom and talk about it with her
Did your best friend exchange numbers with you?

Facebook DOES exist, but being so far apart we aren't really that close anymore! Not to mention she has way worse shit to deal with.

And I do talk with my mom, but if I am at the dorms these things aren't really things to talk about over the phone. Not to mention this school has no place private to go if you want to talk for a long time!

 

[Soleski]

this was really sad to read :(
I hope you are okay, I wish I could hug you
since I am bad with socializing I can't really give advice to you :(

ps: you're not weird at all

 

[melancholia]

Facebook DOES exist, but being so far apart we aren't really that close anymore!

And I do talk with my mom, but if I am at the dorms these things aren't really things to talk about over the phone. Not to mention this school has no place private to go if you want to talk for a long time!

try to text your mother, maybe that will help
hm, seems like the odds are stacked against you.

i understand you about your best friend. my best friend and i dont go to the same school and we are not close as we were anymore, but try and message your best friend and maybe ur relationship can rekindle

 

[maruberry]

this was really sad to read :(
I hope you are okay, I wish I could hug you
since I am bad with socializing I can't really give advice to you :(

ps: you're not weird at all

Thank you!

 

[kookheon]

i hope everything will sort itself out for you

 

[jasque]

ig it's not a good day, somebody ratted on me for arriving late at work lol

People are full of fussery these days, like there are literally people that rarely even comes to work

 

[Jimimis]

Fuck em you’re better

 

[Jichuus]

I hope you’re going better now and ****them if they don’t understand or have misinterpreted your personality. Not everyone is a social butterfly and they don’t have to be.

Sometimes the dorms are a toxic place. I swear people just made an assumption about me taking a certain internship last week which may cause tension in the future (Idk how they got that when I clearly stated I worked somewhere else).

People are just like that sometimes out of jealousy or because they don’t know how to deal with their own emotions and project them on others. It says more about them than you and I hope you’ll find someone to talk to.