A very long and personal story... (Need some advice and help) (1 Viewer)

[RainbowDevil]

Don't wanna take this to the ranting thread of the mental health thread since... it's... neither in a sense, and I need peoples thoughts
If y'all wanna help a guy out or are extremely bored or smn prepare for a lot of probably personal sht and stuff...

Spoiler: Crap tornado

My past 4 days have been crap, like literal crap, they were supposed to be the best... but 1 thing fucked it all up
To begin, I've been friends with this girl (codename - M) and I liked her a lot when we met but gave up on the idea as she seemed disinterested at least in a relationship, she's pretty touchy in a way so I was never actually sure...but i moved on and ok whatever, we became best friends cause like she's still a great person. That's about all the necessary backstory.
I went out 4 days ago with her and another friend to basically drink (I don't drink... ever... except this time), and well a lot of it doesn't matter except the fact that M was drunk, and I was... not really drunk just a bit tipsy, enough for me to remember absolutely everything and well walk normaly and stuff.
Anyway, what happened then is what has fucked me up so much
She kissed me
And then... she did the same another 50 times (TMI but well it's important TMI)
And I was like... well that is not what I thought was gonna happen... ever, but I was glad about it
After that... she proceeded to well have sort of a breakdown...
Talking about how she was scared to lose me through something like this (a relationship), how she didn't understand why I would like her and how i deserved better, how she's always a bitch towards everyone and in the end hurts them and pushes them away... and well a lot of other personal stuff that... she literally never talks about cause she's not that kind of person. She always kept everything to herself and like tbh I was scared a bit of it all... I was sure I could go through it with her if she let me but I also remembered she most likely wouldn't let me once she sobered up... anyway that continued for some time, we calmed her down for the most part, she even sobered up a bit.
And well I sat her down on a bus with the other friend and left...
At the time I was like... whatever happened it would be good... there is no way...
NOPE
I woke up to text messages saying "sorry, i was drunk as hell, I didn't know what I was thinking" and then the real kicker...
"sorry but I've always thought of you as just a friend"

and being the sensible person I am... I didn't prod, i didn't force her to tell me what the hell everything she said meant and how the hell I'm supposed to believe that sht after everything she said... I just can't... first off I'd risk losing her as a friend by basically attacking her for something I'm not even sure she feels...
So in any case
I'm
FUCKED
As in, this situation is basically the worst thing I could have been in. Now we are both awkward towards each other, even tho both of us don't want to be. But we are both fucked, she's fucked cause she kissed me in the first place and ends up being a bitch for leading me on (not what I think, it's literally what she said)
and I'm fucked cause I totally unintentionally confirmed to her that I liked her... even tho the idea of us being together had long passed my mind...
I'm also fucked in another way as I am supposed to forget the whole endeavor after 50 kisses and everything she said... without believing she might actually still be trying to "protect" me by covering up her feelings with the "I was drunk" story, and many other theoretical situations running through my mind...

I've been knocked down the horse many times... like this is the 7th time I told someone I liked them and got turned down, and I got over all of em and at this point thought I'd be fine with whoever did it next if anyone did again. But nope... god had to take it up a notch and not stop me at "hey I like you" nope he stopped me at "WE FUCKING KISSED MULTIPLE TIMES"

And yesterday we had a kpop party, to which we both came, ignored each other until I came to her to say hi cause I'm still trying not to be an ass
AND THEN
today was my birthday celebration... to which I already invited her... and even here... well we interacted... minimally in a sense but like... I was supposed to be with everyone, laugh, have fun... do sht in general with her there, with the one person that is currently like destroying a hole into my chest... yea THAT WAS HARD

Idk what else to say, I also dk what else to do, I distract myself but when I'm left alone with my thought, I can't sleep, I just think of her and the sht she said and everything...My friends have thankfully stopped me from doing anything stupid but I am dying here...

@Vikki @mirella @bulletproof
Y'all usually give good advice...gl with reading this sht

 

[Mayday]

Hey, I'm no expert in things like this, but I can tell you that she was most likely telling the truth when she was drunk, as when you're drunk, you speak without a filter, or you speak without thinking. When you're drunk, it's nearly impossible to fake those emotions. She probably freaked out after she realized she told you, and tried to cover it up. Give her some space, but try to stay close to her. She probably needs to recover a bit.

 

[RainbowDevil]

Hey, I'm no expert in things like this, but I can tell you that she was most likely telling the truth when she was drunk, as when you're drunk, you speak without a filter, or you speak without thinking. When you're drunk, it's nearly impossible to fake those emotions. She probably freaked out after she realized she told you, and tried to cover it up. Give her some space, but try to stay close to her. She probably needs to recover a bit.

Thank you... I actually really needed someone to think so too... everyone else I talked to just said that I have to believe her when she was sober cause I have no other option... but like yea what you say is kinda what I was aiming to do... try and get back to how it was. Give space but stay close... sounds contradictory but totally makes sense to be something I should do...

 

[Mayday]

Thank you... I actually really needed someone to think so too... everyone else I talked to just said that I have to believe her when she was sober cause I have no other option... but like yea what you say is kinda what I was aiming to do... try and get back to how it was. Give space but stay close... sounds contradictory but totally makes sense to be something I should do...

That's good! Just try to put yourself in her position. That would be humiliating, and she probably feels the same. Try to be comfortable with her and just kind of go with the flow.

 

[Ahsoka]

Give her some time, shes probably embarrassed, you cant expect it to all go back to normal right after it happened. Something i definitely want to say though is dont take what she did while drunk as a sure sign she wants to date you. When drunk people do a lot of things, some of which do show their true feelings and some that dont. Either way, theres more to a relationship than just whether theres mutual attraction. If she does like you, then hopefully at one point she'll be able to tell you, but for now dont force anything or pressure her, I know it sucks but the more you push the worse itll be. You probably already told her that whatever she did was fine and that you understand she was drunk and stuff and that it hadnt changed feelings between you two, if you havent then you probably should make that clear.

Sorry im not that helpful, relationships arent really my thing, but i do know very well that forcing people or pressuring them can really screw things up, so its mostly just important that despite what you think about how she feels you just let her do her thing. Hopefully time will heal the relationship, even if you just end up as friends again.

 

[potato]

You don't deserve to go through something like that at all. :(

You should always have some hope even though it seems like there is none. Currently, both of you are too confused to handle the situation. I would give her time (and yourself time) like you said to think about it. When you and her both feel ready to be able to handle the situation calmly, you should talk it out and confirm your feelings towards one another.

It's okay to be confused at times like this and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. <3

 

[RainbowDevil]

Give her some time, shes probably embarrassed, you cant expect it to all go back to normal right after it happened. Something i definitely want to say though is dont take what she did while drunk as a sure sign she wants to date you. When drunk people do a lot of things, some of which do show their true feelings and some that dont. Either way, theres more to a relationship than just whether theres mutual attraction. If she does like you, then hopefully at one point she'll be able to tell you, but for now dont force anything or pressure her, I know it sucks but the more you push the worse itll be. You probably already told her that whatever she did was fine and that you understand she was drunk and stuff and that it hadnt changed feelings between you two, if you havent then you probably should make that clear.

Sorry im not that helpful, relationships arent really my thing, but i do know very well that forcing people or pressuring them can really screw things up, so its mostly just important that despite what you think about how she feels you just let her do her thing. Hopefully time will heal the relationship, even if you just end up as friends again.

Yea I know... and I mean I'm not going to force her ofc that's just not who I am but it's that feeling of helplessnes when your gut is telling you something and you just can't go on that instinct...And in a way I did tell her that what she did was fine... but i also kinda didn't... and saying something now might make it worse since I literally told her I wouldn't pry into it anymore. Basically I told her whatever happens I'd be fine with it and that she wasn't gonna just lose me so I'm hoping that point made it across even if only as friends.

And I mean yes there is more to a relationship but it also all starts with attraction in most cases, and if anything I know she likes me as a person since we wouldn't be friends otherwise and talk(ed) almost every day. Ofc I wouldn't just expect us to be in a relationship but rn there seems to be none of that so we leave that for another day.

 

[Ahsoka]

Yea I know... and I mean I'm not going to force her ofc that's just not who I am but it's that feeling of helplessnes when your gut is telling you something and you just can't go on that instinct...And in a way I did tell her that what she did was fine... but i also kinda didn't... and saying something now might make it worse since I literally told her I wouldn't pry into it anymore. Basically I told her whatever happens I'd be fine with it and that she wasn't gonna just lose me so I'm hoping that point made it across even if only as friends.

And I mean yes there is more to a relationship but it also all starts with attraction in most cases, and if anything I know she likes me as a person since we wouldn't be friends otherwise and talk(ed) almost every day. Ofc I wouldn't just expect us to be in a relationship but rn there seems to be none of that so we leave that for another day.

All relationships start with attraction but not all attraction leads to relationships. Either way, just dont really set expactations or put too much hope into something magically coming out of this, thats just setting yourself to be disappointed. Youve probably done what you can on your side, you just need to wait for her to process it all and understand what happened and where she wants to go from here and yeah that sucks, but thats life.

 

[RainbowDevil]

You don't deserve to go through something like that at all. :(

You should always have some hope even though it seems like there is none. Currently, both of you are too confused to handle the situation. I would give her time (and yourself time) like you said to think about it. When you and her both feel ready to be able to handle the situation calmly, you should talk it out and confirm your feelings towards one another.

It's okay to be confused at times like this and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. <3

Agreed, I almost always find myself in the I'm hopeless but still holding on to some hope situation and in the end that hope kinda holds me down even tho it literally never came true at least as far as love went.

I don't know how we would talk about it tho... as i mentioned she doesn't talk about her feelings like ever and I myself am in a situation where I was not even counting on being with her but she gave me hope out of nowhere so I'm not even sure what I would tell her... like... "I like you but I'm also fine if you don't like me at all in that way", it sounds both like I'm not that into her and like I'm a bit emotionless even tho it's like the opposite of both as far as current feelings go.

I also don't know a literal way to get to a situation where we'd talk about it as in, how I'd even start it and if bringing the situation up... again, might just fuck up the relationship right back, right after we'd "healed" so I really don't know...

 

[RainbowDevil]

All relationships start with attraction but not all attraction leads to relationships. Either way, just dont really set expactations or put too much hope into something magically coming out of this, thats just setting yourself to be disappointed. Youve probably done what you can on your side, you just need to wait for her to process it all and understand what happened and where she wants to go from here and yeah that sucks, but thats life.

Tbh I'd rather just have hope and have it fall to the ground then set myself up for disappointment cause if I do that I just... lose myself and I don't do stuff that I might otherwise do that would impact that hope in a way... but yea I won't just be completely hopeful but I need to hold onto that shread of hope that does make so much sense in my head and in this situation, without lettng it lead me towards some stupid thing I might do

 

[Ahsoka]

Tbh I'd rather just have hope and have it fall to the ground then set myself up for disappointment cause if I do that I just... lose myself and I don't do stuff that I might otherwise do that would impact that hope in a way... but yea I won't just be completely hopeful but I need to hold onto that shread of hope that does make so much sense in my head and in this situation, without lettng it lead me towards some stupid thing I might do

This just shows how different we are when it comes to pessimism and optimism lol

 

[Hajima]

Maybe she is not sure about u... If she likes you or not... I was like this once but the guy was really intimidating and cold lol 😂.. Tho he turned out to be a good guy.

Lay low for now try to be neutral about everything happened invite her to a movie or something....

 

[Suzy]

I understand both sides honestly. You’re heartbroken and she’s most probably embarrassed. But you said that you hinted out that you liked her while she was drunk and I wonder if she remembers that part? Most drunk people don’t remember things that are directly said to them so she probably just thinks that she made a fool of herself in front of you. And if she does remember but is still choosing to not have a relationship with you, then she probably has other reasons for it. And I think you should just let it be honestly.

Either way, just give her time and hopefully things will work out between you two (either as friends or partners).

 

[bulletproof]

Oof sorry, I was sleeping when you posted this.
I see this situation is kinda confusing for both of you. I think she likes you, alcohol usually lower inhibitions and I don’t think those words would come from nowhere. She also seems to have self-esteem things. I mean drunk kissing is nothing new, but those words come from somewhere. And most drunk people are sincere. Not everytime, some still talk bs, but as far as I know, most of them are sincere.
Then, the next day she was embarrassed. Of course she was. But she still came to your birthday party, which is surprising, even if it was awkward for both of you. I’d suggest being sincere to her. Make your intentions clear. She might think you don’t like her, especially now if she is embarrassed. And too late might be bad, don’t fall into friendzone.

 

[Darkseid]

Oof tough situation to be in, Rainbow.

She does seem to have self-esteem issues, or atleast doesn't think of herself as highly as she thinks of you. But it does seem her feelings for you are sincere and what she said wasn't just some drunk speak, it's been on her mind for a while and keeping it in so long, when it finally came out, it was a lot. So she probably feels vulnerable, has become more self-conscious of how you might perceive her now. Even if she remembers you saying you like her, she's probably afraid that she'll be a lot to handle for you down the road if you ever get together.

It's hard for you too, but just try being normal (like you were before the incident) towards her. It's probably a lot to ask of you as well, but someone has to take the first step. Let her take her time and you've done well to not prod her too much. With time, feelings become clearer and people decide how much they're willing to risk, how vulnerable they're willing to become in front of the other, and that's what eventually decides whether an attraction turns into a relationship. Hoping for the best

 

[RainbowDevil]

Oof sorry, I was sleeping when you posted this.
I see this situation is kinda confusing for both of you. I think she likes you, alcohol usually lower inhibitions and I don’t think those words would come from nowhere. She also seems to have self-esteem things. I mean drunk kissing is nothing new, but those words come from somewhere. And most drunk people are sincere. Not everytime, some still talk bs, but as far as I know, most of them are sincere.
Then, the next day she was embarrassed. Of course she was. But she still came to your birthday party, which is surprising, even if it was awkward for both of you. I’d suggest being sincere to her. Make your intentions clear. She might think you don’t like her, especially now if she is embarrassed. And too late might be bad, don’t fall into friendzone.

Oof tough situation to be in, Rainbow.

She does seem to have self-esteem issues, or atleast doesn't think of herself as highly as she thinks of you. But it does seem her feelings for you are sincere and what she said wasn't just some drunk speak, it's been on her mind for a while and keeping it in so long, when it finally came out, it was a lot. So she probably feels vulnerable, has become more self-conscious of how you might perceive her now. Even if she remembers you saying you like her, she's probably afraid that she'll be a lot to handle for you down the road if you ever get together.

It's hard for you too, but just try being normal (like you were before the incident) towards her. It's probably a lot to ask of you as well, but someone has to take the first step. Let her take her time and you've done well to not prod her too much. With time, feelings become clearer and people decide how much they're willing to risk, how vulnerable they're willing to become in front of the other, and that's what eventually decides whether an attraction turns into a relationship. Hoping for the best

Thank youu, and these are the things I'm torn between tbh. Wait it out, get back to being friends or just... lay it all on the line now when it happened and see what happens...

 

[bulletproof]

Thank youu, and these are the things I'm torn between tbh. Wait it out, get back to being friends or just... lay it all on the line now when it happened and see what happens...

I’d say to speak to her about this. Because the situation is already weird especially if it is left unspoken. If you wait, it’s an even bigger invite to friendzone xD I think she said those things for a reason... so be courageous and talk to her. You have nothing to lose

 

[RainbowDevil]

I understand both sides honestly. You’re heartbroken and she’s most probably embarrassed. But you said that you hinted out that you liked her while she was drunk and I wonder if she remembers that part? Most drunk people don’t remember things that are directly said to them so she probably just thinks that she made a fool of herself in front of you. And if she does remember but is still choosing to not have a relationship with you, then she probably has other reasons for it. And I think you should just let it be honestly.

Either way, just give her time and hopefully things will work out between you two (either as friends or partners).

I'd have no problem with giving her time if I knew what would come out of it... as is I'm just scared of what might happen while that time passes, if she just moves on or thinks I've given up on her and doesn't say anything cause she's that type of person... scares me, all of it scares me like I'm gonna lose something meaningful to me...

 

[RainbowDevil]

I’d say to speak to her about this. Because the situation is already weird especially if it is left unspoken. If you wait, it’s an even bigger invite to friendzone xD I think she said those things for a reason... so be courageous and talk to her. You have nothing to lose

Isn't it actually everything to lose? Like if I do that who knows when we will speak again if it's not how I think it is... I migh lose her and well I couldn't really live with myself if that happened...

 

[bulletproof]

Isn't it actually everything to lose? Like if I do that who knows when we will speak again if it's not how I think it is... I migh lose her and well I couldn't really live with myself if that happened...

Hmmm I think the situation is already awkward between you two, which will make it more difficult to be like before. Things will feel like... unfinished. And if you really really like her, you’ll want to tell her at some point. Maybe give her a few days before

I’ll give you a personal example

Spoiler: Story time

When I was in highschool I was friends with a guy. He told me at some point that he likes me, but after one year and something he got the courage. And I was already in the ‘I see you only as a friend’ phase xD That was too late. We had an awkward time indeed after that, but eventually we both moved on, both had new relationships and even attended a party together after that. We still talk if we see each other and stuff. Nothing awkward left.