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So I didn't know this was a thing until I saw this when I was looking at books cause I'm supposed to be stuck in bed
So in 2022 (wow) I was really (probably to an unreasonable extent tbh) upset/annoyed by that @litchasautism account thing being made ... even though it was a troll
What? Who? And why am I just finding out - K-Pop Source — Keeping the K-Pop Forum Spirit Alive
:wimwim::pepelook::haylul: and what did someone with such a username spam? but why:pandashrug: why that username for a spam thing:haylul: like if someone made that as an alt to troll me as a joke ok, but like for spamming? idgi :wimwim:
kpopsource.com
I was like "there would be nothing wrong with being autistic, but I'm not I just have really severe combined type ADHD (I been pretty open about that on here honestly), that's also neurodivergent"
err well turns out he's right ...
one of the things that happened while I was gone was a psychiatrist thinks I'm autistic after we met the initial time, and she also talked to my dad about what teachers would complain about me as a child, and what I was like
and to confirm her diagnosis of me being autistic as well as combined adhd ("i think you have adhd but also something else" and then I saw it was autism on the notes) she wants to observe my ASD traits more and get neuropsych tested as well
apparently my dad and "everyone" already thought I was autistic ...
at the time I was really annoyed about this because "I don't need this in my life" and neuropsych tests are hella expensive
that is how I was acting about my stomach issue too "I don't need this on top of everything else"
and the other thought I had about medical bills is very dark (as in "logical" instead of emotional) so I'll leave it out
I'm really out of it right now so there'll definitely be more parts or I'll take forever making this thread ... SO BACK TO THE BOOKS
so like last May I was way too hyperfocused on saving all Asian American books I could find for AAPI month, over a 1000
so now I will be saving all these and trying to read these, at least it's less than 200
they need to stop making all these months, I would save all
but yes it does explain a lot and makes sense, and would have been really helpful to know years ago instead of now
I'll say that I love reading, and started reading much earlier than average, but originally my dream job was to be an author and I can't because "I take everything literally", "can't read between the lines and see everything in black and white", "don't understand the big picture and hyperfixate on some small insignificant detail", "completely misunderstand the point and have horrible reading comprehension" "can't understand nuance or things that aren't explicitly stated", "not open minded at all, fix setted, stubborn and not flexible" "broken record" "no contextual understanding" "can't think outside of the box" "too extreme" etc. since elementary school
and english was always my favorite academic subject ...
I been writing stories since I was 5 too, got my first notebook when I was 3 ...
I was really mad about this "you can't be an author because you can't even do this", but yeah I realize I can't blame adhd for this anymore, autism makes a lot of sense but I always knew it was because I thought differently
Anyway, through my own effort, I think I've gotten much better, as can probably be seen here
also with understanding emotions
ofc I have trouble still but I think I've gotten quite good at metaphors (to some extent) and all, and in school people think I'm smart (for some reason) and "deep" and I would actually help others in advanced english classes, my teacher said I should be a teacher in 10th grade, I was helping my friend
but yes I definitely have trouble understanding things so please tell me so I can learn from it, if I say smth insensitive/wrong without understanding
that was just cause this was about books, definitely not the only thing AT ALL, just in relation to books/English
I still want to write and will ofc! I actually need to backread a writing gc with some of my (inactive) friends on here @Juniverse @Faelix @ahparkchaeyoung
I think my spontaneity and overactive imagination, and quick wit with adhd help to some extent having both
I don't think I could write fantasy though for example, maybe some day if I try even harder
err yeah, my good friend @Shou here will make her own thread, happy autism awareness day to you too
oh and also April is Arab Heritage month too, but I'm not arab so I won't be saving all books like crazy (since it's not my culture) but I would definitely save any books anyone recommends
anticipate my next thread about this, or don't, signing off :)
I was originally gonna run away from irrational fear after making this, but now I feel weirdly calm
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and yes I think I can blame both autism and adhd for talking too much