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And, yet, he can't seem to take a hint.
WARNING: THIS MIGHT BE A LITTLE TRIGGERING. IF THIS ISN'T ALLOWED, THEN THE MODS MAY DELETE IT. I JUST NEED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST.
We were in a close group of friends composed mostly of women. He was a part of us because we thought he was "safe". But thinking about it now, our "friendship" was just forged by alcohol. I spent a lot of time with them, making memories out of drunkenness, because I was already a high-functioning alcoholic. I thought I would be able to consider him as a precious friend because we had a lot of "fun" during our multiple spontaneous trips. To tell the truth, we never really connected emotionally because he probably doesn't know anything aside from what is obvious from my louse lifestyle. I actually don't know anything about him aside from his career and his past relationships. We're also from the same university (although we're taking different Master's degrees).
The thing is, we had casual sex the first time we met each other. We were both single at the time. We had a few mutual friends. We met each other at a party and we had sex. A casual sex is just casual sex for me and I can forget about it the following day. I never predicted that we would actually become "closer" than we should be. Throughout this "friendship", we had sex a couple more times. They were all consensual and so it's not hard for me to admit this. I don't know what happened because he suddenly turned into this predator, or maybe he had always been a predator and we just didn't see it for ourselves.
We were warned by his ex-girlfriend that he had a tendency to commit domestic abuse. He had punched her in public before. That was already a red flag but the rest of the group was disbelieving. And then a month after, he harassed a couple of women at the bar we frequented. They filed a case against him (which I no longer have any update of). I was slowly moving to a different group of friends so I didn't really get to hang out with him that time. He also stopped showing up on parties, and pretty much blamed everything on the alcohol. He sent us a message saying he was going to therapy and that he was learning from what he did. I was like, "Okay. Cool. You have to be accountable for what you did. If you are trying to change, then change. But you have to stick it in your head that it's not the alcohol. It's you." He was adamant on proving that it was really just the alcohol and not his entire perception of women. That it's not his character, his personality, his behaviour that is to blame. He told me, "My shrink says I have to lessen my drinking but if I do drink, I should have people guarding me all the time. My brothers will be there." (He's a fraternity member SURPRISE SURPRISE).
Another month passed and we never saw him until we bumped into him while we were on our way to a bar. He was drunk, of course, and he actually had the gall to join us. I was trying to flirt with another guy and so I never really paid any attention to him. He kept pestering me by provoking debates. He would say things that I considered outrageous. And then he started caressing my lower back. He tried holding my hand. He tried placing his hand on my thigh. When I transferred seats because my gay friends noticed my discomfort, he transferred seats as well. I kept slapping his hand away and told him so many times to stop. He kept insisting to share a ride with me. He even followed me to the restroom and knocked so many times on the door while I was inside. We had no choice but to move locations if we didn't want a scandal. My best friend (whom he's also friends with) told him off before we left. Another month passed and if people thought he would learn, we were informed that he tried to force himself in another drunk woman's house.
I'm supposed to be a person of principles. I'm a Socialist Feminist who worked for a women's organization for two years as a junior researcher-writer (I may act like this in forums but I am pretty old and I can be serious when needed). I promote sex positivity but I am also against sexual harassment. I have worked with women who were raped, abused, or harassed. I cannot condone someone who doesn't know the meaning of NO. I cannot spend my time with someone who doesn't respect women. He invited me to a party a week ago which I declined politely and I don't know why I'm so polite with people who don't deserve it. He sent me a friend request yesterday and it made my blood boil. I don't need this kind of person in my life, especially now that I'm trying to turn it around. I've been going to therapy myself because I'm Bipolar. I also haven't drank or smoked for almost three months now. I just got over my suicidal thoughts. I don't need someone who will push me on the edge again.
WARNING: THIS MIGHT BE A LITTLE TRIGGERING. IF THIS ISN'T ALLOWED, THEN THE MODS MAY DELETE IT. I JUST NEED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST.
We were in a close group of friends composed mostly of women. He was a part of us because we thought he was "safe". But thinking about it now, our "friendship" was just forged by alcohol. I spent a lot of time with them, making memories out of drunkenness, because I was already a high-functioning alcoholic. I thought I would be able to consider him as a precious friend because we had a lot of "fun" during our multiple spontaneous trips. To tell the truth, we never really connected emotionally because he probably doesn't know anything aside from what is obvious from my louse lifestyle. I actually don't know anything about him aside from his career and his past relationships. We're also from the same university (although we're taking different Master's degrees).
The thing is, we had casual sex the first time we met each other. We were both single at the time. We had a few mutual friends. We met each other at a party and we had sex. A casual sex is just casual sex for me and I can forget about it the following day. I never predicted that we would actually become "closer" than we should be. Throughout this "friendship", we had sex a couple more times. They were all consensual and so it's not hard for me to admit this. I don't know what happened because he suddenly turned into this predator, or maybe he had always been a predator and we just didn't see it for ourselves.
We were warned by his ex-girlfriend that he had a tendency to commit domestic abuse. He had punched her in public before. That was already a red flag but the rest of the group was disbelieving. And then a month after, he harassed a couple of women at the bar we frequented. They filed a case against him (which I no longer have any update of). I was slowly moving to a different group of friends so I didn't really get to hang out with him that time. He also stopped showing up on parties, and pretty much blamed everything on the alcohol. He sent us a message saying he was going to therapy and that he was learning from what he did. I was like, "Okay. Cool. You have to be accountable for what you did. If you are trying to change, then change. But you have to stick it in your head that it's not the alcohol. It's you." He was adamant on proving that it was really just the alcohol and not his entire perception of women. That it's not his character, his personality, his behaviour that is to blame. He told me, "My shrink says I have to lessen my drinking but if I do drink, I should have people guarding me all the time. My brothers will be there." (He's a fraternity member SURPRISE SURPRISE).
Another month passed and we never saw him until we bumped into him while we were on our way to a bar. He was drunk, of course, and he actually had the gall to join us. I was trying to flirt with another guy and so I never really paid any attention to him. He kept pestering me by provoking debates. He would say things that I considered outrageous. And then he started caressing my lower back. He tried holding my hand. He tried placing his hand on my thigh. When I transferred seats because my gay friends noticed my discomfort, he transferred seats as well. I kept slapping his hand away and told him so many times to stop. He kept insisting to share a ride with me. He even followed me to the restroom and knocked so many times on the door while I was inside. We had no choice but to move locations if we didn't want a scandal. My best friend (whom he's also friends with) told him off before we left. Another month passed and if people thought he would learn, we were informed that he tried to force himself in another drunk woman's house.
I'm supposed to be a person of principles. I'm a Socialist Feminist who worked for a women's organization for two years as a junior researcher-writer (I may act like this in forums but I am pretty old and I can be serious when needed). I promote sex positivity but I am also against sexual harassment. I have worked with women who were raped, abused, or harassed. I cannot condone someone who doesn't know the meaning of NO. I cannot spend my time with someone who doesn't respect women. He invited me to a party a week ago which I declined politely and I don't know why I'm so polite with people who don't deserve it. He sent me a friend request yesterday and it made my blood boil. I don't need this kind of person in my life, especially now that I'm trying to turn it around. I've been going to therapy myself because I'm Bipolar. I also haven't drank or smoked for almost three months now. I just got over my suicidal thoughts. I don't need someone who will push me on the edge again.
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