Been so long since I've posted here. Wow.
I wish I could say things have gotten better, but I'm afraid I am still the same person I was 6 months ago. Well, scratch that, I'm so different, but still the same pathetic person in many ways as well. I'm still unable to get over things of the past, I'm still unhappy and feel so guilty for that. I guess I just maybe hoped I could leave and come back as the person I'd wanted to be? I'm not sure. I tried to kill myself again in the time I spent away. I don't know if I regret it or wish I was successful, but I suppose what's done is done. I know I should try and think about the reasons I should stay, but it is still hard sometimes. I have people in my life that I care about so much that I don't want to give them up, even if those people I can't even see in person. It is just so hard. I still dwell on things from the past so much. I still feel haunted and miss my best friend. Isn't it crazy, it has been longer now that he has been gone than I even knew him. I hate to think about that. I really, really hate it. Sometimes when I talk to one of my friends now, he makes me think of him. He acts so similar to how my best friend did, especially in these recent years and it really hurts a lot. I wish I could just.. move on. God, it has been so long now, but I think it will be ok. Yeah. Still waiting on that happy ending everyone has promised me though.. I know it is wishful thinking, but I hope soon I can be truly happy again. It really has been years now. Wow. I just don't know why I bother anymore.