Official ✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (118 Viewers)

[shika]

The fact that I am batshit insane is just part of my charm

 

[Villains]

im having a horrible day today

sending love to you ❤

 

[Villains]

I'm really tired of getting told "I don't think" and being called a liar because i cant remember shit.

Even went as far to called me delusional and hallucinatory

you aren't. just because other's don't understand you doesn't mean what they say is true

 

[tai]

you aren't. just because other's don't understand you doesn't mean what they say is true

Thanks, Ed. But it does affect me unfortunately.

 

[shika]

never a dull moment. I wish there was though

 

[Villains]

Thanks, Ed. But it does affect me unfortunately.

just remember that there's lot's of people who love and care for you, including me. we understand you. if others don't, then don't let it affect you because in the end it doesn't matter what they think. you are you and you are special in your own beautiful way 🤍

 

[tai]

just remember that there's lot's of people who love and care for you, including me. we understand you. if others don't, then don't let it affect you because in the end it doesn't matter what they think. you are you and you are special in your own beautiful way 🤍

Thank you, but I really wouldn't say 'a lot' lol. But thank you, ed.

 

[Villains]

Thank you, but I really wouldn't say 'a lot' lol. But thank you, ed.

even if you feel it isn't "a lot", you still do have people who care for you. and of course, anytime you need to talk i'm here and i'll do my best to make you feel better

 

[tai]

even if you feel it isn't "a lot", you still do have people who care for you. and of course, anytime you need to talk i'm here and i'll do my best to make you feel better

You really don't need to do that, but I appreciate it

 

[Chaeee]

I hate this all. Just leave it in the fucking past and let me move on from it. It’s not the end of the world I quit. The pressure is so horrible to feel, and now I’m going to feel extremely guilty that I declined his offer. I never want to hear the word [ ] again

 

[cocomelon]

i really treasure the true friends i have. and i wish it didn't sour like that. well i tried my best and still am.

 

[dark_tranquility]

So tired my pills drain me so bad.

 

[Villains]

so many things to say but i'm too scared to say them

 

[Villains]

i feel guilty and attention seeking when i vent to someone

 

[Villains]

i want to go to bed but i don’t want it to be morning. can i go to sleep and never wake up

 

[athenaaa]

I’ve been seeing this thing since it’s suicide prevention month where people share their stories, so I kinda wanted to do that. I’m in a healthy space now where I can talk about my past. I will spoiler some very triggering parts.

Where it really hit me was the eighth grade. I was bullied all through elementary school but it didn’t affect me so much. By that I mean I was still this happy bubbly person. And if I’m being honest, I miss her. But jump to seventh grade, I went to a new high school where nobody from my elementary school attended except one girl. We were separated and I grew to isolate myself. Eighth grade rolls around and my mental health is at an all time low, and the bullying starts again. But this time it affects me. I began cutting and developed an eatingn disorder.

I started seeing the school therapist and it helped for a while. I managed to finish grade eight, and then struggled academically in grade nine. Well I had always struggled but this was when it hit me most. The school recommended me for all high level classes so thats what I took, but I ended up downing and nobody noticed or cared. I ended up cutting again at that point.

Fast forward to grade 10, I start smoking with some girls I met at school. It started with us passing around cigarettes at lunch and then I started finding other ways to get a hold of them. I because addicted to the nicotine. I would come into class smelling like a chimney. But it became my new coping mechanism. Although I wasn’t physically hurting myself, I still was hurting myself. Glad I quit by eleventh grade. Rest of high school was fine.

Now in my first year of college, I begin drinking… excessively. Some mornings I’d wake up and not even know who’s dorm room I was in. My friends had to start monitoring me when I drank. My liver paid the price for what my mind was trying to tell me. I needed to seek help. I was for a while and things started to look up. But I completely gave up after I was sexually assaulted. That changed me forever. The suicidal thoughts got worse too.

Second year of college, I was still struggling to come to terms with what happened and move past it. I stopped recieving help and begun to isolate myself a lot. Online school definitely helped with me not having to socialize. I became distant and cold. People started noticing changes in my behaviour. I had a few short lived relationships but nothing ever ended well. And I admit in some cases, I was partially at fault. I shouldn’t have been in relationships at that point in my life, I was not stable at all.

I graduated from that program and started another. Online again, but made some friends anyways. They were helpful and listened to me. Thry have all since dropped the program but they’re great. Did still continue to academically struggle but got more assistance which was good. But then second semester hit, and I went to rock bottom.Self harming became a part of my daily life again. I had a gender crisis. All throughout first two years of early adulthood I went by he/him pronouns but that wasnt me. Now I used they/she but took a while to get there. Part of my want to be male was the fear that if I lived as a woman I would be violated again.

But then I met the most amazing girl in the world. We have been together for a wonderful ten months already and we got to see each other this summer. She respects me and understands my boundaries. I do still sometimes slip but I’m okay now. I start group therapy again on Thursday. I’m in a stable relationship. I’m genuinely happy with my life at the moment, but the next step is to learn how to cope and create a safety plan for when I do catch myself slipping again.

So please if anyone got this far, please know that you are loved and that recovery is possible. Am I perfect? Hell no. I’m still quite vulnerable and I have hurt people because of all those wall I build up over the years. I’m not proud of that but it has helped me to realize that I can’t just focus on my own needs and wants. I’ve probably burned a lot of bridges unintentionally, but I did. I believe everyone can make mistakes but it takes a strong person to learn from them.

 

[dark_tranquility]

Paranoia will be the death of me.

 

[Villains]

Spoiler: tw: suicide

this is the first time i’m writing out my true feelings like this. i hate living so much. i just wish i was never born. i didn’t choose to live so why do i have to live this disgusting life every single day? i hate my body. i hate being female. i wish i was born male. my life would be much happier. i hate all my female body parts and i just want to kill myself whenever i look in the mirror. i’m dealing with intrusive thoughts telling me to do the worst shit. i’m scared of asking for a therapist because i’m scared they’ll they’ll my parents everything. school is making me feel sick. i hate having to live the same life every single life. i hate myself and my life.

 

[Villains]

am i faking it ?

 

[shika]

.