i never said i was going to kill myself .
i told you that i was on the verge of suicide because of everything BUT YOU .
i stated how i dont want to talk to anyone else but you, i only trust you, i only like talking to you.
then you brought her up??
i didnt mention loving you in a romantic way, i didnt say that, i never said that, and i never will say that.
im not the type of person to tell someone i love them when theyre in a relationship.
why would i do that?
why would i do that to you?
especially you?
you're my best friend, my only reason for living, my pride, my soul, the less we talk the crazier i get.
and barely talked at school on friday.
i told you how i get, you said you understood???
what is so hard to grasp besides the fact i am batshit crazy for no fucking reason?
i cant stop it, i cant help myself, you cant help me, im just trying to tell you how i am so you know in case of emergency.
you know me, you are the only person who actually knows me.
i tell you things, you tell me things.
i feel safe around you, i dont feel safe around anyone.
all i wanted is for you to know how much i loved you.
no strings attatched, just i love you.
now that a problem has been created because i had to act out of place , im scared to open your message
you responded to me nearly 12 hours ago
if i didnt care i would have opened it and just said okay
but i care,
and im thinking so hard
trying so hard
of how to control myself with whatever i read, and how to respond with whatever isnt obsessed borderline girlie sounding
or maybe you know to much about me, maybe i should ghost you.
maybe i should never ever talk to you again, maybe i should change my school hours so i never have to look at you ever again
maybe i should block your phone number, your snapchat, and your tiktok
maybe i should do this with everyone else and not just you
i need to distance myself from the real world
im having schizophrenic delusions and i cant stop myself
i imagine and hear the conversations in my head, and its there in real life
but i know you arent really there, i still talk to you though
i want to talk to someone
i have to pretend there is people around me so i dont go crazy
theres no one to talk to
im so lonely
im so so so lonely
theres no one around me to have fun conversations with
im scared to talk, but i still do it
i just want to talk to you
why cant i talk to you???
why are you not real????
you are real but your not really real in conversations vgtg5rf45ftgf5gt5fg5g6
i dont understand
what do i do?
what did i do?
what did i do to deserve this?
why wont anyone understand me
why wont you listen to me israel .
im sick