Though I'm 16, I'm in my final year of high school and midyearlys are coming up. I think this is the first time I've felt the pressure of actual exams. All my school marks from the school year (October to August) are worth 50% then my final exams (the HSC, next October) are also 50%, and I'm just worried that I'm not going to do well these midyearlys because all these marks go into my my fucking final grades. Economics especially, I have so much shit to revise that I have a feeling I'm gonna blank out during the exams. Like last time in English I started crying during the last minute because I realised that i wasn't going to be able to finish my short answers. We get ranked after every assement for every subject, it's mandatory, and for university admissions I need an atar (if I'm attending when I'm under 21), and the atar is a fucking country rank. Like it's a score out of 100 seeing if you are the 'perfect' student, so 99.5 atar would mean you are 99.5% the perfect student. To get into uni of syndey is 80, to get into macquiaire and western sydney is 75. I am so fucking worried that I'm going to do my best but other people are going to beat me because of it. It doesn't help that I feel like I'm not already doing my best; My peers are all academically focused and go to tutoring. Whilst I'm here watching my K-pop men trying to do work. This is too much. All of this is too much. I love the subjects I'm doing, I'm all interested in them, which is great because I have 5 areas of study. So why does it feel like I'm not doing enough when I'm getting fine B's????? I just want to not do this anymore. I hate this. I hate all of this. Why does these next few months weigh so much in terms of my future? I just want to be a teenager.