Official ✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (11 Viewers)

[Tickita]

Spoiler: replies open

i finally worked up the courage to advocate for myself and request that my boyfriend call me by my chosen name ... and i feel as if i shouldn't. he said he'll come up with his own nickname for me, and that he doesn't want to call me by either edmund, or my nickname, teddy. being called by either of those makes the world of a difference for my dysphoria, and it feels right. i feel kind of disappointed, and i know that it's just a name, but it feels so much more personal and meaningful than that. i'm hurt, if i'm being honest with myself. i thought he'd be okay with it. maybe i should change my name so he'll like it better ... ?? i don't want to be called sashi, or a cutesy nickname like bunny, at least not a pet name all of the time. i wonder if i'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive ?

Spoiler

You have every right to tell someone to address you properly. If Edmund/Teddy is what you want to be called, then you should be called that. Like... it's your name, you know? I don't think it's even possible to be unreasonable about something like that.

 

[lunaria]

Spoiler

You have every right to tell someone to address you properly. If Edmund/Teddy is what you want to be called, then you should be called that. Like... it's your name, you know? I don't think it's even possible to be unreasonable about something like that.

Spoiler

thanks for sharing your thoughts, it put things in perspective for me. i'm going to make another attempt to tell him how it makes me feel. thank you for your help !!

 

[lunaria]

Spoiler: tw: non-graphic mentions of abuse (replies open)

so, i've blocked my abusive ex's number nearly a year and a half ago now, and he's contacted me nine times since then from friends' phones, including today. when i saw his texts, i started crying and shaking, but not just with fear. for once, i was actually livid.

the last thing i want to do is think about him ever again or talk about him, and at times it's like i never knew him, but then he inserts himself back into my life unwelcomed, and he brings back everything ive worked so hard to bury. it's frustrating to feel like you've taken steps back in your healing journey.

i was frustrated because i wanted to lay into him with all of the hurt i've been carrying for the past few years of his abuse and harassment, but i knew it wasn't safe to have a conversation with him because as strong as i like to pretend i am, he still has so much influence over me, and the worst thing is that i still miss him sometimes, even though he makes me feel so disgusting and makes my skin crawl. i ended up doing something stupid nonetheless and told him "f*ck you so, so much for making me go through this all over and over again you sick, pathetic f*ck", let him read it, and then blocked the number. i hate the side he brought out in me today, it's everything i'm adamantly against and makes me feel lower than him, and i regret letting myself run on pure anger. i thought i'd run out of compassion and excuses and sympathy for him. i wanted him to hurt the way he's been hurting me, but then it all came crashing down and now i feel so guilty and awful again. even if he destroyed me, that doesn't give me the right to lash out at him, even if it's "deserved". it's not right to hurt him because i'm hurt. i'm determined to heal from this, and become a better person than how i started. i won't let my hurt turn me into a monster no better than him.

i use this thread way too much, i'm so sorry i just don't usually have a space to process things, i guess, and writing it out feels cathartic and knowing someone is there helps a lot

 

[lunaria]

Spoiler: replies open

last night, i saw an entirely new side to my boyfriend that, frankly, frightened me beyond belief and brought back so many traumatic memories. it was so shocking, and not at all congruent with who i perceive him to be and how he's presented himself to me. it was like he was a whole different person. i'm so incredibly confused, and i'm scared of him, because if he can act that way towards someone who's emotional, hurting, and vulnerable like i often am, what's to stop him from doing it to me, too ? i don't understand how he's so caring, kind, gentle, patient, supportive, and understanding with me, while he's the exact opposite in this situation, every shred of empathy and concern gone. these two aspects of his personality can't coexist, right ... ? one of them must be false ? i'm scared that he's really this other person that i don't know ... am i walking into another abusive relationship ? i asked my friends for advice (and a website concerning abusive relationships), and they all told me i need to leave him, but i love him so much. i don't know what to believe anymore, and i'm scared to think that i'm willingly going to allow myself to potentially be abused again. i'm trying to make excuses for his behavior, and explain it away, and even now i'm trying to tell myself it wasn't that bad. honestly, i'm panicking. my world is crashing down right now. he's coming here in two weeks, i have no idea what to do anymore

 

[Tickita]

Spoiler: replies open

last night, i saw an entirely new side to my boyfriend that, frankly, frightened me beyond belief and brought back so many traumatic memories. it was so shocking, and not at all congruent with who i perceive him to be and how he's presented himself to me. it was like he was a whole different person. i'm so incredibly confused, and i'm scared of him, because if he can act that way towards someone who's emotional, hurting, and vulnerable like i often am, what's to stop him from doing it to me, too ? i don't understand how he's so caring, kind, gentle, patient, supportive, and understanding with me, while he's the exact opposite in this situation, every shred of empathy and concern gone. these two aspects of his personality can't coexist, right ... ? one of them must be false ? i'm scared that he's really this other person that i don't know ... am i walking into another abusive relationship ? i asked my friends for advice (and a website concerning abusive relationships), and they all told me i need to leave him, but i love him so much. i don't know what to believe anymore, and i'm scared to think that i'm willingly going to allow myself to potentially be abused again. i'm trying to make excuses for his behavior, and explain it away, and even now i'm trying to tell myself it wasn't that bad. honestly, i'm panicking. my world is crashing down right now. he's coming here in two weeks, i have no idea what to do anymore

Spoiler

I'm glad you have friends to talk to about this, and you're using resources.
I will say that if you're frightened and triggered, it could be a warning that something's not right. Those feelings are real and they're valid. If you feel unsafe, let somebody know.

I hope you find a solution and make the best choice for yourself.

 

[lunaria]

Spoiler

I'm glad you have friends to talk to about this, and you're using resources.
I will say that if you're frightened and triggered, it could be a warning that something's not right. Those feelings are real and they're valid. If you feel unsafe, let somebody know.

I hope you find a solution and make the best choice for yourself.

Spoiler

thank you for taking the time to reply, it means a lot to me. i'm weighing my options, but he could be potentially homeless if he doesn't move in with me, so that complicates things a bit i'll do my best to make a healthy decision

 

[Tickita]

I should get back on my sleep schedule...

 

[Tickita]

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[doll]

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[Juniverse]

I hate liars

 

[doll]

I hate liars

Need to vent?

 

[Tickita]

Sometimes processing isn't fun.

But it's necessary.

 

[Wingfrost]

Spoiler

Operation change myself to make others happy on the way!
I was told by a family member that I’ve had an attitude for weeks… I guess I made a face, I said something in the wrong tone of voice, I was in a hurry to get out of the store… M’kay I’ll be careful not to make a face that makes you think I’m upset because even when I say that they’re reading me wrong they don’t agree because apparently they know what I was really thinking. I literally don’t have enough of a happy tone in my voice and that means I’m automatically upset at you. I’ll try not to hurry to get out of the store, let me just burry my social anxiety for you before we go into a crowded, noisy building.
I do so much for this person, SO MUCH, my entire life, my entire schedule is scheduled around everything this person does because I’m the only one in my family who cares to help. I’m 23, I want to get a place of my own but I can’t because I’m constantly needed, I have to stop everything I want to do for myself for this person. For years it’s been like this but I can’t do anything about it.
When this person told me that I’ve had an attitude for weeks I just wanted to cry because I’ve changed myself for them already and now I have to try and change more, they say I can be who I am with them but if I really have to worry about putting on a front when I’m with you (which is everyday) then that’s not true. I was driving us home when they told me this and I had to keep myself from breaking down because if I would have they’d say “See I can’t say anything without you crying, I have to walk on eggshells when I talk to you.” Yes like I don’t walk on eggshells with everything that I say and do and sorry for feeling like I’m STILL not good enough for you.

 

[doll]

Spoiler

why is everyone i hate doing so well
why is everything around me falling, I'm to tired to pick it up.

 

[doll]

I wish it worked.

 

[Tickita]

Honestly. I'm not at 100. I'm just gonna do my best today.

 

[doll]

Honestly. I'm not at 100. I'm just gonna do my best today.

You can do it <333

 

[Tickita]

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[Tickita]

Spoiler

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[tai]

Been feeling down with my mental health. My psychiatrist told me she's working on a letter for me to be able to get an ESA. I've made a thread before saying how I'm getting a cat-- Honestly, I'm feeling really happy.