Official ✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (26 Viewers)

[lexus]

Just needed to vent

Spoiler

For the past few months I've been experiencing problems with having a racing heart, shortness of breath, really bad migraines, and occasional dizziness and lightheadedness. A lot of the time I usually just wake up with shortness of breath and a racing heart. Sometimes it could last for several hours and then go away, and other times it comes and goes throughout the day and I'm tempted to use the inhaler my doctor prescribed to me. One time it even lasted for 12 whole hours and nothing I did helped it go away. Even by walking into my house I feel winded easily. My doctor is assuming that it's just panic attacks since I have a pretty long history with my anxiety disorders, but I'm scared that it could be much worse than that. When I visited my at the beginning of the month she did check my breathing with a stethoscope but didn't give me a breathing test because she can't during the pandemic for whatever reason. She ruled out asthma, but then wanted me to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours just to make sure nothing else is wrong. I'm still waiting on the results from it.

I'm scared that they'll just say that I'm having panic attacks when it could be something more serious. My panic attacks have never been like this. I've never had problems with waking up with a racing heart, shortness of breath, and migraines before until a few months ago, and I feel absolutely horrible when I have these symptoms. I tried expressing to my mom earlier that I'm worried about it, but she kind of blew it off like it was nothing (like usual).

I feel like I'm on the verge of tears because I'm just worried and I feel like I'm not being taken that seriously. I'm probably overreacting, and I'm being a hypochondriac. But, I'm just scared that my physical symptoms won't go away.

 

[Wonpil]

Spoiler

no hun, we must not listen to our demons, please

Spoiler

i really wanted to do it. but i didn't

 

[kodoku]

Just needed to vent

Spoiler

For the past few months I've been experiencing problems with having a racing heart, shortness of breath, really bad migraines, and occasional dizziness and lightheadedness. A lot of the time I usually just wake up with shortness of breath and a racing heart. Sometimes it could last for several hours and then go away, and other times it comes and goes throughout the day and I'm tempted to use the inhaler my doctor prescribed to me. One time it even lasted for 12 whole hours and nothing I did helped it go away. Even by walking into my house I feel winded easily. My doctor is assuming that it's just panic attacks since I have a pretty long history with my anxiety disorders, but I'm scared that it could be much worse than that. When I visited my at the beginning of the month she did check my breathing with a stethoscope but didn't give me a breathing test because she can't during the pandemic for whatever reason. She ruled out asthma, but then wanted me to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours just to make sure nothing else is wrong. I'm still waiting on the results from it.

I'm scared that they'll just say that I'm having panic attacks when it could be something more serious. My panic attacks have never been like this. I've never had problems with waking up with a racing heart, shortness of breath, and migraines before until a few months ago, and I feel absolutely horrible when I have these symptoms. I tried expressing to my mom earlier that I'm worried about it, but she kind of blew it off like it was nothing (like usual).

I feel like I'm on the verge of tears because I'm just worried and I feel like I'm not being taken that seriously. I'm probably overreacting, and I'm being a hypochondriac. But, I'm just scared that my physical symptoms won't go away.

Spoiler

oh that does sound scary, I'd feel worried too.. but try not to make things tougher on yourself, trust in your doctors and maybe wait for the results for now. I'm sure things will be good, stay strong <3

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler

i really wanted to do it. but i didn't

Spoiler

things will be okay.... please just stay here hun

 

[Wonpil]

Spoiler

things will be okay.... please just stay here hun

Spoiler

i made a mistake. i always make a mistake. i'm so stupid. i keep fucking up

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler

i made a mistake. i always make a mistake. i'm so stupid. i keep fucking up

Spoiler

I make the same mistakes every day hun, we're only human and life isn't easy.. doesn't make you stupid, please don't be too hard on yourself..

 

[dark_tranquility]

All this paranoia I am facing is doing my noggin in.
I've climbed the biggest hurdle for now though and got rid of what was stressing me out.
But even then. I keep thinking they will find me again. : /

 

[honeyfornomoney]

Spoiler

Two years. Two damned years and I'm still in love with her. In January I had found someone else and I really liked them and I thought I started to forget about her. But after my new crush left me too my thoughts and fantasies went back to her. I don't know if I had just deceived myself that I forgot about her if my feelings are so intense now. We talked about stuff and she mentioned she was making out with people and flirting. I don't remember the last time I've been hit so hard. It happened last night, When I woke up today I felt physically weak, my heart steel feels weird physically and my stomach was hurting and I barely ate anything today. I just feel like she is the only one for me and that I can't live without her. I'm such a mess. I can't stand existing right now. I really can't.

 

[dark_tranquility]

My memory is bloody atrocious..... wish it wasn't so bad. I only remember stuff that hurts me and don't remember things that are important sigh.

 

[Tickita]

 

[dark_tranquility]

Amen to this. Life lessons indeed!

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler

Two years. Two damned years and I'm still in love with her. In January I had found someone else and I really liked them and I thought I started to forget about her. But after my new crush left me too my thoughts and fantasies went back to her. I don't know if I had just deceived myself that I forgot about her if my feelings are so intense now. We talked about stuff and she mentioned she was making out with people and flirting. I don't remember the last time I've been hit so hard. It happened last night, When I woke up today I felt physically weak, my heart steel feels weird physically and my stomach was hurting and I barely ate anything today. I just feel like she is the only one for me and that I can't live without her. I'm such a mess. I can't stand existing right now. I really can't.

Spoiler

love can really make us sick huh.. I was attached to this one guy for a few years, now I look back and laugh.. I thought I'd never get rid of his memory and my pain, it all seemed hopeless and like nothing is getting better at all.. but I did. Really, one day you just wake up and feel better at last.. at some point you realize that hearing someone say their name doesn't hurt as much anymore.. hang in there, time is a healer, you will definitely overcome this.. <3

 

[dark_tranquility]

Insanity and being sane go hand in hand. You really can't be one without the other.
R.I.P. to my mind and it's acid filled corruption.

Voices telling what's what. Can't make sense of either side of the coin now.
Sleep is painful now when my mind decides to play tricks on me.

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler

Truthfully, I am tired of this endless path and cycle of trying and failing, getting nowhere each and every time...... when will I change? when will it get better? I'm getting older and I'm still the same, I don't want myself, don't wanna be like this...... is this all there is? is it as good as it gets? if so, I don't want this foolish life at all....... I just don't know anymore sigh, is there any hope at all and will anything good actually happen, I am tired.. but as always, I'll try again because what else can I do......... please..

 

[dark_tranquility]

The way I feel inside is quite different from my outside appearance.
These days just seem to get more complicated and annoying.
Thank god for music and my ks friends <3

 

[Wonpil]

Spoiler

i really wanna self harm right now

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler

i really wanna self harm right now

Spoiler

please do not, cutie.. there must be another way to get through your current emotions..

 

[Wonpil]

Spoiler

please do not, cutie.. there must be another way to get through your current emotions..

i was just overwhelmed. i think i'm ok now

 

[daesuki]

Spoiler

I'm so mentally tired right now. Physically too, but that's because of mental tiredness jdafh. I can't keep trying to keep everyone happy. I put on personas for my family, personas for my friends, i even have a persona (albeit less thick) for my boyfriend. I just can't keep doing this. I recently lost a friendship due to problems on both sides, and I wish I could have done things differently. I kept getting more and more agitated, and when I finally snapped I was rude and I said things I wish I could take back. I hate how the friend and I weren't that close. If it was a close friend, we would've known each other enough to resolve it. But because the person was just a friend, I don't know how to approach them. I don't want to just apologize and not have an apology as well, but I really don't know how to go about it.

And my family keeps trying to talk to me about issues I am not into or trying to be into. They won't let up and I'm getting so stressed out about it. They tell me I should get more interested in the politics of that country, but I just can't. My sister and mother get unhappy when I disagree with them, and so I stay on their side. I don't think I will be able to not talk to them but it's just draining. I also have to take their side for anything or they get mad. I almost came out to my sister, but I'm just too scared because while she won't hate me, she just can't fucking keep a secret.

Spoiler

Spoiler

My dad has been scarier than usual. I do say he usually pays no mind to anyone, but when he does, it's scary. He just does creepy things without warning. When I visited last, ages ago, I couldn't sleep. I went downstairs around 3 am, and he was just lingering in the bathroom area and followed me downstairs. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was wondering what I was doing, but not in a genuinely curious way. He was just asking like I was a 9 year old sneaking down to sneak a phone or candy.

And it wasn't just him being in the bathroom to use it, as I was awake for a while before going downstairs. The door didn't open, and he hadn't just come out of his room. He was just waiting in the bathroom in the dark, as there were no lights on when I went downstairs. It genuinely makes me uncomfortable as when I was younger and around me teens, he would invade my and my sister's privacy. He would look through my sketchbooks and probably would've done the same to our diaries if we didn't hide them well. He would get so angry if I confronted him on it. He would take pictures of me without my permission, probably to show off to his friends what a creative, clever, and perfect child he has, and he would get mad if I said just ask me next time. Some times I'm scared to say no.

I'm just scared around him now and it leaks into life. It doesn't help my mom and my sister now have a strained relationship. Because I'm seen as the one who's "closest" to him (I'm not, I'm just better at being civil) they constantly use me to go tell him stuff and be the middle man. When I confront them about it, they just don't listen. They say they're sorry, they'll try to be better, but it's done nothing. When I retaliate and just say no so that my sister has to do it, my sister gets so angry. I am not there just to be a cushion to their own problems, and they don't seem to realize that I have my own problems.

I've never been the perfect child. I don't pretend to be. But sometimes it feels like my mom is pushing that pressure onto me. I really want to just break ties and never speak to them again but it's not easy, and I do love them.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Ages ago I said I had self harming habits coming back up. They're gone now but I still want to off myself sometimes. I don't know how to help myself. I don't want to see a therapist, because that would mean asking my mom for help, and she has a history with my mental health. It just seems like the easiest option, doesn't it? I know it's not, but sometimes I have that hope and dream, even if it's a fucked hope and dream.

 

[dark_tranquility]

I am just going to pretend I am happy and make an 'act' to feel like I care about my life.
Like usual. When I really hate my life and feel depressed every waking moment.

Not even sure what I am doing here anymore.
Nothing matters to me, never has and never will.