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You will get a badge, don't worry keep postingSince I'll never get the badge I want, should I even bother posting?
hmm I think the reason why you keep going back and forth and changing is because it isn't really over for you even though you say he doesn't act that way anymore. The hurt and resentment might still linger in you. I wonder if you have expressed them and dealt with them properly? because I don't think you can let go and be free until you do. I personally had a difficult relationship with my father as well and we never talked it out, just buried it all and I can still feel the damage and burden at times even though I'd say I moved on.. so I really recommend talking to him if he is calmer now, or maybe even writing him a letter or something, it would also be good if someone trustworthy was there to support you. best of luck <3It’s like weird because like I was abused but not like to the severity of what is typically known or shown within media so like it’s hard to explain the struggle of dealing with being near my father and not having this SEVERE trauma that other victims may have but like I get…
Angry. Just angry out of nowhere.
Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. Like his presence is a weight that is just pressing on me and like he’s a predator waiting to pounce even though he hasn’t laid hands on me for years.
I can’t be near him for too long. It’s like needles are being pushed under my skin and like I can’t breathe.
I don’t have nightmares. I have very subtle triggers that are very rarely ever spurred on so it’s almost like I don’t even have them.
It’s just…and it’s like I think I’m ok because it’s been so LONG. But then I’m just suddenly angry again. Mad again. It’s irrational.
I can never tell if it’s normal to be so…mad or if it’s because of what he’s done to me.
And like it’s obvious he’s trying to get close to me but like sometimes I’m ok with it and other times I just get mad…and upset…and it’s like I suddenly can’t forget certain things that other times will fade from my memory.
I don’t get it.
What badge are you after? I'm pretty sure you could get a Psy badgeSince I'll never get the badge I want, should I even bother posting?
I-It is a thought. It keeps me up at night. Do not delete this.
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